Marry, or Die!
by smashing sugar
Summary: ‘You are all I never wanted,’ she thought. ‘The feeling’s mutual,’ he thought. “And now I pronounce you man and wife! You may kiss the bride!” ‘Noooo!’’ they thought. RATING CHANGED!
1. Madness Reigns

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Title: Marry, or Die!

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Summary: _'You are all I never wanted,'_ she thought. _'The feeling's mutual,_' he thought. "And now I pronounce you man and wife! You may kiss the bride!" _'Noooo!'_' they thought.

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Disclaimer: Anything you recognize and consider sane belongs to J.K. Rowling. Everything else comes from my bludgered head.

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A/N: I was in the shower when I got the idea for this fic. I know I should be updating my other fic, _The Preposterous Wager,_ and I will! I've already finished the much-awaited chapter 7, but just waiting for my beta to send it back to me before I post it up. However, since I feel like desperately posting something up tonight, this is it! This fic promises to be even madder than TPW. Don't be alarmed if nothing seems to make sense. Anyway…here goes and hope you like it!

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Chapter 1: Madness Reigns

Voldemort had gone mad. If you thought he was already crazy before this, then you've got another thing coming.

He was completely, horribly, inescapably nuts. 

There was no way in hell, heaven, or Earth that Draco Malfoy would ever marry Hermione Granger. 

"But Your Mightiness!" cried Lucius Malfoy, right after his Master had spoken his wish to his right-hand man in his chamber. "They simply cannot wed! Hermione Granger is a Mudblood!"

"Do you take me for a fool, Lucius? I know she is!" bellowed Voldemort, annoyed.

"Oh, of course, I did not mean to offend you, Master, the one and only, almighty-"  


Voldemort waved his arms in Lucius's face. "Tut tut tut, yes, yes, blah blah. Get to the point." He was even more annoyed now. He had spent the entire day devising the downfall of wizarding China and was in dire need of sleep.

"Well, my Lord, how can such a match be suitable for my son? He is my heir, and one of your most loyal followers! Not to mention that he is already engaged to the only daughter of the revered Parkinson clan!"

"Yes, yes, I know all of that, Lucius. But I have my reasons," said Voldemort, with a yawn.

"But Sire," tried Lucius one more time, "Hermione Granger is a slave! Surely you can see how absurd and ridiculous that would look for the only son and heir of Lucius Malfoy to marry a disgraced Mudblood slave!"

"I don't care if she is a slave or an elephant, Lucius! Your son is marrying her in two weeks and that is final!" yelled Voldemort, enraged that his orders were being questioned. 

"But Master-"

Voldemort stood up and grabbed Lucius Malfoy's collar, hoisting up the man, who attempted to cower in terror. "Look, let me put it this way, my faithful follower. If your son does not wed the Mudblood then I will kill him, is that clear?"

"What? That is preposterous, you can't-"

"Oh, _can't_ I?" Voldemort said, eyes flashing dangerously.

"Er…I apologize, sir, of course you can…" Lucius stammered, eyes on the ground.

"Good. Then they will wed. I understand you need explanations, but I cannot give them to you now. Sleep is my first priority at the moment," Voldemort said, yawning again. "Now, off you go, I must rest."

Lucius bowed his head, and stalked outside his Master's chambers, before Apparating back to Malfoy Manor. He simply did not understand it. Why on Earth would the Dark Lord want his son united with a Mudblood, the scum of all life? And Potter's Mudblood at that! For someone who had just won the power of ruling the wizarding world in Europe, Voldemort seemed to be going insane astonishingly fast. 

Inside Malfoy Manor, he walked huffily into the Study, where his son Draco, and wife Narcissa were lounging around.

"Hmpf!" he uttered as he stormed in.

"Welcome home, darling," Narcissa Malfoy greeted in an aristocratic manner from a velvet armchair.

"Hmpf!" was Lucius's response.

"And I love you too," Narcissa mumbled sarcastically.

"The Lord has gone mad!" he finally blew out.

"What, Father? What has he done? He hasn't freed the Mudbloods now, has he?" Draco inquired from his lying position on the sofa.

"No, it's worse than that, much worse!" Frustration seemed to get the better of Lucius Malfoy, and he was now in the process of yanking his own hair with both hands. He looked like a madman. Well, he was a madman to begin with, so not much difference.

"Now, now, Lucius, control yourself! What has Voldemort done?" his wife spoke.

"He wants our son Draco to marry a Mudblood!"

"WHAT?!?!?!" exclaimed both Narcissa and Draco in horror, standing up in a sudden.

"Who, Father?" Draco asked, dread weighing down his heart.

"HERMIONE GRANGER!"

"WHAT?!?!?!?!" exclaimed both Narcissa and Draco a second time, before Narcissa fainted and collapsed onto her armchair. 

"This is insane! I'm already engaged! Has ruling the world made the Dark Lord go bonkers? What's he playing at?" cried Draco, aghast.

"I don't know! But there's nothing I can do. He apparently has his reasons. ARGH! But in any case, it's an official order. You have to marry her."

"And what if I don't?"

"Then you will die. He will kill you."

"What?!" Draco said one last time, before fainting himself.

**

It was shivering cold in the Slave Dungeons. A section of Azkaban Prison had been renovated to house slaves waiting to be sold off to good, Pureblood families. Anyone from Mudbloods, half-bloods, to Squibs that had gotten into the Dark Lord's disfavor ended up there.

Naturally, Hermione Granger and her friends, save for Harry Potter, Albus Dumbledore and Ronald Weasley, who had managed to escape the day Voldemort defeated them and ascended to power (it is believed that they are in hiding in the States, but that could not be confirmed), were all sent there when captured. 

Hermione sighed as she slumped against the cold stone wall of her cell. This was her fourth time back here. After her capture a year ago, she was spared from execution and sold off to the McNairs, McNair being a member of Voldemort's inner circle. When he ended up mysteriously poisoned to death, she as well as all his other slaves, were sent back to Azkaban to await a new master. Hermione was then sold to the Zabinis, the family of Blaise Zabini, her former classmate at Hogwarts. When Blaise woke up one day and found himself castrated, he went insane, and was sent to St. Mungo's. In grief, his parents and sister moved to their house in France instead, and all the slaves were banished. Then, Hermione got sold off to the Bulstrodes, also the family of her old classmate Millicent. After two months, Millicent's face somehow got heavily disfigured and she would allow no one but house-elves to see her. So all the human slaves (and there were only three) were shipped back to Azkaban. Some of the wardens who witnessed her comings and goings in Azkaban began to think that she was more trouble than she was worth.

Well of course she was. She was Hermione Granger, Head Girl of the class of 1998. Top witch at Hogwarts. Best friend of the famous Harry Potter. What did you expect?

The only thing Hermione looked forward to now was the day her rebel survivor friends would come back to rescue them and overthrow the Dark Lord and his insufferable minions. She was thinking about just this thought when one of the masked wardens approached her cell and banged it hard.

"Get up, you piece of filth!"

"What do you want?" she angrily retorted.

"Get up, I say! Someone's here to see you! Quick, you wench!"

He then burst through her cell doors and pulled her roughly up, then dragged her kicking and screaming all the way down the dark and stinking corridor to an interrogation room.

"Why are you taking me there? I'm not a prisoner! I'm a slave!" protested Hermione, still kicking.

The warden only sniggered then threw Hermione inside the room and slammed shut the door. 

"Argh!" Hermione began smoothing the ragged remains of a robe that she was wearing when she finally took notice of the man sitting at the table in front of her.

"Hello, Miss Granger," the short, plump, and balding man greeted.

"Pettigrew?!" she cried in obvious distaste.

"And so we meet again," he said pleasantly.

"You don't die easily, do you?" 

"I'm afraid not, Miss Granger. But I'm not here to discuss me. I'm here to discuss you. Take a seat."

Hermione saw nothing wrong with that so she did, opposite him.

"What's there to discuss? I'm a pitiful slave."

"Yes, but it seems as though the tables have turned on you."

"Come again?"

"You're very lucky, Miss Granger. My Master has big plans for you."

"If they aren't my freedom and his demise then I'm not concerned."

"Oh but you will be, Miss Granger. You really haven't got a choice in the matter, you see." Pettigrew grinned broadly, unnerving Hermione.

"So what? He's decided to execute me?" she asked sounding aloof, though inwardly, she was feeling her insides go numb. What if it was?

"No, bigger!" Pettigrew said, his voice excited. "You are to marry Draco Malfoy!"

Hermione choked on her own breath. "WHAT?!"

"Yes! It is indeed your lucky day, Hermione!"

"Is he insane? Draco Malfoy? I will murder the scum before I marry him!"  


Had Voldemort really gone mad? This was absurd! She was a muggle-born slave and one of Draco's worse nemesis back in their school days, which were only two years ago. She can't seriously marry him!

"Oh, but as I said, you haven't a choice, now. You've been ordered to marry him. And he, likewise, has been ordered to wed you."

Hermione gaped at Peter Pettigrew incredulously.

"WHY?!"

"That is a secret my Master wishes to keep to himself, for now. But he has his reasons."

"Well, sorry to thwart them, but I'm not marrying that snake," Hermione answered, referring to Malfoy.

"Too bad. You have to. There are incentives, Hermione. You will be freed, and the wife of the heir of Malfoy, for that. You will be wealthy and respected in high-society."

Hermione scoffed. "Whatever, in _your_ fantasies, maybe. I'm still a Mudblood, they'll scorn me anyway." 

"Don't think so, Hermione. Voldemort's ideas never get scorned."

Hermione snorted. "No, I still won't."

Pettigrew stopped smiling and stood up. "Well, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to repeat that _you haven't a choice_. You will marry Draco Malfoy in two weeks. I'm letting you know now, as you are to be sent to his Manor first thing tomorrow morning."

Hermione stood up defiantly as well. "No."

"Yes."

"Or else what?"

Pettigrew shook his head and sat back down, amused. "It isn't really an option, Hermione. Oh wait, actually it is."

"Yeah?"

Pettigrew nodded his head gleefully. 

"Marry, or die."

**

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A/N: So how was it? Worth continuing? I just needed something to post up, really, and this was the craziest thing that came to mind at the moment. I think I made Pettigrew slightly OC, but considering his Master's just won the war, he's gained some confidence. Anyway, tell me, should I continue it? Was it any good? It seems fun to write now that I've begun it, but if I don't get enough positive reviews, I won't have any incentive to go on. So please, do **review** and tell me what you think, it won't take long! Thanks!

Peace!

~ smashing sugar ~


	2. Engaged and Enraged

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A/N: Wow! 17 reviews for the first chap! I'd never thought! Ok, now that it seems you guys want this, I'll continue this and I'll try to make it good…and it seems as though I'll get to update this one more often being that my beta for TPW still hasn't sent me chap 7 back so I can't update that story though I'm dying to…go read that and review it as well if you have a chance and if you guys want me to read your stories or any other recommendations tell me so in your reviews! Now for the big thank yous:

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Vix: my first reviewer! I agree, d/hr are the best, I hope you come back to read and review more!

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div: what _is_ voldemort up to? I think the unanswered questions will remain that way for awhile…it'll gradually come undone as the plot progresses…I hope :P thanks!

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Me!: yeah, I'm a crazy person! Glad you liked this, yes I'll write more, and you rock too!

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Cecelia: honestly, I hadn't even thought about their honeymoon until you mentioned it! Thank you so much, now I have something wild to think about…hehe…or you could give me suggestions, if you want…NOT kill each other? Haha I have a funny scene in store for that! 

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Piper: thanks a lot, I do hope you come back and read this!

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Yuki Kitsu: thanks for thinking this is good, the crazy stuff are the best, aren't they? I'll definitely e-mail you and I've read your other fic! I just can't review, because my comp doesn't feel like supporting java at the moment, but I think your idea is great- I mean its new and unique…reminds me of Jane Austen stories, and I love them! 

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Some1: thanks, I hope you like my other fic as well…review that one as well, k?

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franthepheonix: thanks for the applause ~ beams ~ glad u liked it!

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Crystalline Lily: yes, I'd marry Draco in an instant as well! No, don't believe I've mentioned his wits yet, but I'll make sure I incorporate that as we go along ;)

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Lily of the Shadow: happy you liked this, and it _is_ moldywarts insane! (love the phrase!)

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Sweet Sorrow: glad you liked the title, I'm usually not very good at picking them haha, and my pen name as well, thanks! Your fic sounds very interesting, I'm gonna go read it now, and I hope you update it fast as well!

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rie: the idea is hilarious, but I really wish J.K. Rowling would make it come true! Ahh…I hope to keep you laughing many more times :P

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Navy Converse: thank you tons for making this one of your faves! Really means a lot to me!

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Melanie: see! I did what you said, I updated within a day! Hope you like this just as much!

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dracoJAE: thanks, I know what you mean, even my other fic contains draco/hermione seeing each other in a new light (but not really..,just sort of). I began reading your fic by the way…but haven't finished it yet (I know, stupid cuz its not that long yet)…haha the Draco fainting thing was purely for humor's sake…as I said, just madness ;)

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hyper_shark: I'll try to update as fast as I can!

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avapouhi: thanks, and I will!

I think that's everyone, my reviewers **YOU ALL ROCK**! :D

Ok, again, I warn you that this story is complete madness, so be patient if things don't seem to make sense- it's just mad. This chap probably isn't as shocking or crazy as the first one, hope its not too boring, but here goes, see for yourself. Enjoy!

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Chapter 2: Engaged and Enraged

Hermione marched back to her cell fuming.

She could not believe that Voldemort wanted her to marry Malfoy. And for what? Malfoy was surely going to murder her in her sleep-

__

If I don't get to him first, that is.

After being roughly thrown back into her little hell hole, she felt all the anger and frustration rage inside of her like a thousand hurricanes, and consequently began to bang a piece of broken stone on the metal bars of her cell. She was making a huge racket, but she didn't care. That was of course until an oddly familiar voice yelled out tiredly, "OH WILL YOU SHUT IT GRANGER!"  


Hermione paused. That voice…

…she knew it…it was so familiar…

…it could only be…

…the one and only…

"Professor Snape?!" she cried out, then tried to look wildly at the other jail cells to see if her old Potions Master was indeed the owner of the voice.

"No, it's Voldemort in rags," came the sarcastic reply that confirmed her suspicions.

"PROFESSOR! Where are you? What are you doing here?" questions breezed through Hermione like the wind.

"Slow down, Granger. Right next door to your left. And as you can see, I'm a slave," he answered bitterly.

"B-but didn't Voldemort pardon you? When the War ended?"  


"Yes and no. Yes, he pardoned me enough to spare me my life when I persuaded him I'd tire of Dumbledore's antics and wished to return to him- all lies, of course- but no in the sense that he didn't trust me enough to have any power. I was made his personal slave," Snape said, burning with shame.

"So that's what happened to you. But how come you're back here?"

"He-er- no longer trusts me to be his personal slave."

"How come?"

Snape coughed uncomfortably. "He- er- apparently had this dream- or shall I say, dark fantasy one long, tired night, and I suppose I was in it. He never shared with me the details but he said that he was disturbed by it, and in consequence my very presence disturbed him as well. When he could no longer stand being in the same room- which was yesterday- he got rid of me. I am to be sent to the Malfoys instead," Snape explained in obvious distaste and despair.

Hermione burst out laughing.

"That is nothing to laugh about, Miss Granger!" Snape shouted furiously.

"I'm sorry- haha- its just- hee- Voldemort, o powerful Dark Lord, had a fantasy about you! Hahahahahaha…" and Hermione dissolved into further bouts of laughter.

"Enough!" warned Snape, highly embarrassed.

At length, Hermione calmed herself. "Well, it seems as though we'll be seeing each other quite often then Professor. I'm to be sent to the Malfoys myself tomorrow morning."

"But not as I slave, or so I hear."

"What? How did you know?"

"Voldemort has been planning your marriage to Draco for awhile now. But he hasn't told me why, though. I doubt even that pond scum Pettigrew knows."

Hermione wasn't sure what to make of this. All she knew was nothing good would come out of any plans of Voldemort. 

"So you agreed, I presume? To be that little brat's wife?" Snape asked, pulling her out of her thoughts.

"Did I have a choice? 'Marry or die,' he said. But no matter. It's really Malfoy's death warrant they just signed, not mine's."

"Are you really going to kill him?" Snape asked, disbelief evident in his voice.

"The first chance I get."

**

Draco Malfoy woke up in his huge four-poster with a groan and lump in his stomach. At first, he couldn't fathom why he felt as though a hippogriff had puked on him. And then he remembered. 

She was coming today. The filth that was supposed to be his wife!

"Argh!" he grunted in frustration, before dragging himself out of bed to wash up and get dressed. 

An hour later, he strolled his way downstairs into the dining room to have breakfast, donning a black long-sleeved shirt, black trousers, black leather shoes, and- you guessed it- a black velvet cloak. He found his father already there reading the Daily Prophet, and his mother gracefully sipping tea and nibbling on a piece of shortbread.

"Ah, good morning, Draco dear," she greeted him with a half-smile.

"Wish I could feel it, Mother," he groaned, before taking his seat and stuffing a roll into his mouth.

"Now, now, Draco, we all need to do what's necessary," his father said, not looking up from the paper.

"You mean what's told. With all this power we've got, we still have to do everything we're told."

"It's simply the price of _not_ ultimate power, Draco."

"But Father, I still think it's absurd. And why does she have to stay here anyway? She could just rot in prison until our wedding day for all I care."

"Now, Draco, use your head, Merlin knows I tried to give you one. Would you really want to marry a rotting slave?"

"It doesn't make a difference."

"Yes it does. Here, she will be your _fiancée_, not Mudblood slave, and we will teach her everything necessary to make her appear tolerable and worthy of our status. She's going to become a lady," her father explained. He didn't seem so troubled by this news anymore, which only irritated Draco further.

But the thought of Granger being a 'lady' was amusing. His father sure had another thing coming.

"What if I end up killing her one day? Father, we were always at each other's throats back at school. There's no way any of that will change," Draco protested further.

His father sighed. "Then I will be seeing you at your funeral," he replied curtly. 

Just then, their butler, Seamus Finnigan, walked in to inform them that the new batch of slaves have arrived.

Lucius Malfoy put down his paper. "Ah, I believe the wench is here. With our new slave," he said with an evil grin.

Draco was confused. "I didn't know we were getting a new slave. We've already got four, Finnigan included, and not including the house-elves."

"Thank you Draco, but I can count. This new one is purely here for my enjoyment. And well, Voldemort did send him over."

Lucius then motioned for Narcissa and Draco to join him in the foyer to greet the newest residents of Malfoy Manor.

After a few seconds, Finnigan opened the door and in barged two smelly, poorly-clothed figures.

"Welcome to Malfoy Manor. Doubt your stay will be pleasant," Lucius greeted them maliciously with a mock smile.

"You'll all pay for this!" Hermione yelled the minute she saw him, her arms clutching a bundle that contained her only possessions.

"You'll learn your place here, young lady. We can't have you behave in such an uncivilized, _second-class_ manner now that you are to marry my son." He made a gesture towards Draco, who was standing with his hands clutching his stomach as if to barf.

"Voldemort is mad," she declared, heeding none of his words.

"Well said. Now, Finnigan, show Miss Granger here up to her new room and send Red up to help her clean up," commanded Lucius. "She's completely filthy, but that doesn't surprise me," he added, with the satisfaction of seeing Hermione's eyes bulge in fury.

Finnigan bowed his head obediently, and proceeded to direct his old friend Hermione sympathetically up the stairs, when Draco cried in dismay "She's getting a room?!"

Lucius gave his son a scowl. "Did you expect her to sleep in the sky, son?"

"No, Father, but she belongs in the dungeons with the rest of them! Not in a room like one of us!"

"Why you slimy bastard!" roared Hermione, outraged, shaking herself out of Seamus's grip and marching towards Malfoy. "How dare you speak of me as if I were some animal-"

Malfoy stepped forward, equally angry. "You are!"

"QUIET!" bellowed Lucius, incensed. "I will have none of this meaningless quibbling in my home! We are all unhappy with this agreement, but that doesn't change the fact that the both of you are engaged! Now, Finnigan, get the girl upstairs, her current sight is heavily repulsing my wife!"

True enough, Narcissa Malfoy's nose was so wrinkled up that it looked like a shriveled ball between her eyes.

Seamus urged Hermione forward, and she grumpily stomped off with him up the stairs.

"Now, here comes _my_ fun," Lucius said, in a much calmer tone, taking a step towards the other figure present who had carefully hidden himself in the shadows while all the rambling had been going on.

Draco stared. "Professor Snape?!"

"No, he is just _Snape_, now, isn't he?" Lucius sneered, pulling Snape roughly into the light.

Snape fell into a heap of disgrace on the floor.

Lucius and Draco laughed at this, while Narcissa retained her cool, though not attempting to hide a bemused smile.

"So, not so tough, now, are you?" jeered Draco at his former teacher and Head of House. "That's what you get for double crossing the Dark Lord, Snape! Wish you had left that freak Dumbledore sooner, now don't you?" he continued, any respect and reverence that once existed for this man gone.

"Play nicely, Draco," Lucius leered, and Draco smirked.

Snape remained silent.

"Well, at least you're not a total waste, Severus. Now you can be _my_ personal slave. Follow me, I'll take you to your slave quarters," ordered Lucius, deliberately rubbing it in.

Snape scowled, but knew better than to act upon his anger. He'll get his revenge on them, they just wait. Dutifully, he followed Lucius out of the foyer.

Presently, it was just Draco and his mother left in the hall.

Narcissa cleared her throat. "Draco, why don't you go upstairs and get better acquainted with your wife-to-be?"

"Don't be silly, Mother. I have no wish to see her, speak to her, or have anything to do with her. She disgusts me," he spat.

"Likewise. But we haven't a choice."

Draco shook his head adamantly. "Maybe later."

Then he marched to the parlor, leaving his mother behind to sigh.

**

Seamus had led Hermione to a fairly large room on the third floor of the Manor. It overlooked the lake adjacent to Malfoy Manor (which most likely also belonged to the Malfoys) and overall had a beautiful view. Her room was decorated in shades of purple and blue, with the ceiling enchanted to show the sky as it is at present. A large four-poster bed with light blue drapes hanging from the top lay in the middle of the room, while an ancient-looking wooden wardrobe and dresser were to the left. On the right was a wall adorned with paintings and an opening to the bathroom. Hermione hated to admit it, but it was actually a pretty chamber.

Once inside, Seamus turned and drew Hermione in for a much-needed embrace. 

"It's so good to see you again, Hermione," he said earnestly, smiling as best as he could.

"You too, Seamus. So this is where you ended up."

Seamus turned his head away. "Yeah, blimey. Working for that git Malfoy, it was rough at first. I mean- he was my god damn classmate! But they don't bother me much now. At least I'm a butler, not a slave, and I've got the others for company."

"I feel better knowing you're around! I hardly know who's left alive anymore," Hermione said sadly.

Seamus nodded in agreement. "Well, we lot have got to stick together, haven't we? You're very lucky, Hermione, to have this opportunity."  


She snorted in disbelief. "This is not luck, Seamus, this is bad karma I've yet to rid."

"Hermione, being the git's wife can do wonders," started Seamus. Then he leaned in closer, and whispered, "especially for the rebel alliance."

At his last words, a fleeting image of space battleships and Luke Skywalker from the muggle epic film Star Wars flashed through her mind, but she shoved them out just as quick. This wasn't Star Wars- it was Wizard Wars and it was no movie.  


Hermione looked up at him in confusion, but he spoke no more, as there was a knock on the door.

"Come in," Hermione called over, fearing it would be Malfoy.

The door opened to reveal the silhouette of a young woman with blazing hair, carrying a huge bundle of robes, towels, and toiletries.

"Red," Seamus beckoned, then shot Hermione a knowing smile with a wink.

Hermione did a double take on the person, and her heart nearly froze as in entered the unmistakable form of Ginny Weasley.

**

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A/N: Ok, not so much happened in this chapter, just introduced the other characters who will play a significant role sometime or another. But how was it? Wasn't Draco being extremely nasty? Hermione and Draco will have a much bigger confrontation later on, this was just their "icebreaker" so to say. Anyway, tell me what you think, the feedback is so encouraging! So please, please do **review**! The more I get, the faster I update! Promise!

Luv,

~ smashing sugar ~

  



	3. Under the Malfoy Roof

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A/N: OMG! 45 total reviews! That's 3 more reviews than I got for my other fic, and that one is 6 chaps with 27000-something words! Wheee so happieeeeeee!!! :D:D THANK YOU ALL! _~ hugs and kisses ~ _

Some quick messages first:

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tom4eva: thanks so much, and no, I'll spill it out now, Hermione is not Voldemort's daughter! Even if they were related, he'd be more of a grandfather I think…well to me, at least…but you'll find out why he's interested in her soon enough! :D

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Poppy, alexandergranger, Kerri, DracoLover788, affisia, becky293, Esperanza, dc: I will, and thank you!

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Cecelia: you are just bursting with ideas! Love it! Yeah, I want Draco to stay in character as long as possible. No, I don't think they'll get attracted to each other by the time they get married, and Ron and Harry will find out eventually, of course. I still have yet to figure out what to do about their honeymoon, but I'll definitely take your idea into consideration! Thanks a lot for your input! :D

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Vix: thanks for coming back and liking this, Voldemort will crack even more I tell you

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'div: you'll find out why Ginny's called Red in this chap (so read on!), and yes, she'll play somewhat of a role in the rebel alliance along with Hermione. And yes, they both do have that in common hahah, well spotted! Oh, and by the way, no, I am NOT planning to abandon my other fic, I'm glad you liked it too…just waiting for my beta, but if she doesn't reply by Friday, then I'll just edit it myself and post chap 7 up anyway…I've been dying to post for ages!

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Melanie: thanks for loving my story! (and me, in a non-sexual way :P) keep reading it!

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Kiya Kideackiy, Princess of the Apocalypse: thanks, I'm completely experimenting with this new type of plot!

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bloody raven: right on! Now read on for further details!

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Oliver's gurl: I think all the blond baddies have a way with black! They could even be distant cousins…hehehe…but right, now that you mention it, they _do_ dress alike!

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Yuki Kitsu: hey again! Update your story! Hahaha u want Hermione to sleep under the sky for real? Hehe, well she sort of does, considering that her room's ceiling is enchanted to show the sky…and what would a D/Hr fic be without falling in lurve? Thanks so much for supporting me, I really appreciate it, you rock!

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Crystalline Lily: I didn't think the cliffhanger would be that horrible…wait til you see this one then! Yeah, I agree, it was dry…now I fear that this chap is even drier…yikes! Well bear with me, things will get better soon! And from GoF, I deduced that Hermione and Ginny had to be friends since Ginny knew that Hermione was going to the ball with Krum while her own roommates (Pavarti and Lavender) didn't…

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Silver Dragon Goddess: that line was funny to write too…the irony of it, yeah, haha. The answer to why he wants them married should unravel shortly…and everyone will go mad! I'm glad you liked Draco's nastiness…you'll see more of it, I assure you!

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Phoenix Flight: I'm glad you like my insanity! Hahaha :P

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Jen: I think I'm getting better at picking titles! And I take crazy as a compliment, so thank you, thank you, as well as you liking my sense of humor! ~ beams ~ No, you've got it right- they won't warm up anytime soon, and between Lucius and Snape, I like Snape more so you can guess how that part of the story will turn out…hehe…thanks for your feedback!

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DracoJAE: you should update it anyway I think…no, you didn't mention last time that you thought the "I'm a slave" part was hilarious…but yeah, as I said to Silver Dragon Goddess it was funny writing it out haha…and don't hate Draco! He gets nicer as we go along- to Hermione at least, though it'll be awhile…like after their marriage or something…well, thanks and keep reading this! 

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hyper_shark: ch.2 made you depressed??? That's a first! Oh no…well, I hope this one doesn't depress you too much, yeah? And wait out for the next one too, should be lighter and funnier than this one…

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not exactly clandestine: I am seriously so flattered by your review…thank you so much, and I hope the humor will continue to flow through my hands! :P If I start getting any flaws though, be sure to tell me, k? thanks so much :D :D

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buGspooky: you flatter me as well, I'm so happy you like my writing style! More will definitely come, thank you!

Ok, that's it, I think I give away so much in my message to you guys! I don't know if I'll always be able to write one to everyone who reviews in the future, but even if I don't, I still love your reviews just the same. As I promised, the more reviews, the quicker I update, so here is the third chap for you!

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Chapter 3: Under the Malfoy Roof

"Ginny?!" Hermione asked, completely incredulous and in shock.

The redheaded witch threw all that she was carrying onto the bed and ran to her old friend, crushing her into a tight embrace.

"Hermione! I can't believe it's true! It's really you! This is the best thing ever!" exclaimed Ginny in complete ecstasy.

Seamus stood back, watching the two and grinning broadly.

"And I can't believe it's _you_!" Hermione replied, still hugging her friend. She had never been as close to Ginny as she was to Harry or Ron, of course, but during the Hogwarts days, Ginny was by far her closest female friend. "What are you doing here? And why are you called 'Red'?"

"Well, isn't it obvious? I'm slaving away the last days of my youth. The Malfoys bought me right after the War ended- just after they did Seamus. Lucius thought it'd give everyone a laugh to have Arthur Weasley's only daughter as his slave," Ginny replied bitterly, finally pulling away from Hermione. "I'm actually Lady Narcissa's personal maid. But about the Red thing, well that was just outright stupid."

Seamus chuckled, eyes amused and stepped in. "Yes it was. You see, Narcissa Malfoy had a friend named Gina and couldn't bare to call a slave a name so close to her friend's. So then they were going to call her Weasley, but then Malfoy complained that it reminded him to much of 'the Weasel Ronald'. 'What if I hex her one day thinking it was him?' the twit said. Pure bull, I tell you. He was just out to make life hard for our dear Gins here." 

Ginny shook her head with clear irritation. "I know, I mean what the hell was the big deal anyway? So then Lucius decided on calling me Virginia, but then, Malfoy, being the complete brain-impaired half-wit that he is, couldn't stop teasing me about it. Kept calling me the Virginia Virgin. And then it was just Virgin."

Seamus was now howling with laughter. 

"Shut up Seamus!" Ginny threatened. Hermione couldn't help but be amused as well. For powerful dark wizards, the Malfoys were pathetically silly.

"In the end I got lucky. Lucius got annoyed with Malfoy calling me that all the time and so he began calling me Redhead. After awhile, it became just Red. Stupid, really, all of this," Ginny finished.

But just as she did, a shadow emerged in Hermione's open doorway. The three friends looked up to find the scowling face of Lucius Malfoy upon them.

"Oh, a reunion, how charming," he leered sarcastically. "Well, Finnigan, I told you to show her to her room, not to fraternize with her. Get back downstairs. And Red, I expect Miss Granger downstairs in the parlor in thirty minutes. So get a move on it," ordered their master.

Seamus and Ginny bowed and nodded their heads submissively, while Hermione glared at Lucius, unflinching.

He left them, and was followed by Seamus. Alone, Ginny began her assigned task and started to help Hermione undress.

"It's alright, Gin, I can clean myself up," said Hermione, feeling too awkward that her old friend was now her maid. Well sort of hers, anyway.

"Nevermind, Hermione, I want to help. I'm still so excited that you're here."

The whole irony of the situation began to dawn on Hermione. As it seems, the only two other people apart from Voldemort and Pettigrew who were actually happy about her engagement to Malfoy were her two old Gryffindor friends!

"How is it that I'm the only one not?" Hermione expressed, tearing off her already torn robes, and making her way towards the bathroom. When was the last time she took a bath? Ah, right before she handed Millicent her face cream…

Ginny followed her. "I don't know if Seamus said anything to you yet, but the Rebel Alliance is getting stronger. They're going to need all the inside information they can get."

Hermione turned back to face Ginny curiously. "How do you know all of this?"

"From snippets of conversations, really. Some of the benefits of working for the Malfoys. You hear things. Apparently, Voldemort has a few of his Eaters trailing the rebels, but he's too overconfident that they'll never take him down. So his defenses are quite lax now, as he's focusing on gaining more power and territory," Ginny reported. "Lucius seems to think the Rebels are getting stronger- did you know there was a sighting of Harry about a month ago? In Egypt? It's unconfirmed, and the Dark Lord brushed it off, thinking that Harry had to be in America. But Lucius believes otherwise."

Hermione was stunned. For a whole year she had been deprived of any news concerning the rebel factions and her best friends, but now she felt a new surge of hope rushing through her. Perhaps living with the Malfoys wouldn't be such a bad thing after all.

"So you see why you being Malfoy's wife would benefit us. He can tell you things. I seriously think Voldemort has just given Harry and all of us a big birthday present by making you marry Malfoy," Ginny added, smiling. 

Hermione sighed. She had to let everything sink in first. "Perhaps. We'll talk more about this later. Just leave the robes on the bed, Ginny, I'll be done shortly. You can go do other things, in case any of the bastards start blaming you for me being late," she told her younger friend as she closed the door to the bathroom.

"Sure thing." As she was leaving Hermione's room, Ginny called out, "They're really not that bad you know, once you know their tricks."

But her voice was already drowned by Hermione's running water.

**

An hour and thirty minutes later, Hermione sauntered her way down to the Malfoy Manor parlor, clean and clad in expensive peach-colored silk robes. She had to admit, it did fit her nicely. Her hair was only half tied up, and the rest that wasn't was gracefully framing her shoulders. A tight knot formed in her stomach as she neared the parlor; apart from another yelling match she knew awaited her there, she also really did not want to see Malfoy.

When she entered, she saw that the whole Malfoy family was there looking less than pleased. 

"I told you _thirty minutes_," Lucius addressed darkly.

Hermione gave a careless shrug, which she knew would annoy him. "A woman has to look nice, doesn't she?" she said, then strolled across the room casually, as if she owned the place. Hermione had realized in the shower that she did hold some power over the Malfoys- if she was there on Voldemort's orders, it wasn't likely that she would be harmed. So why not have fun in tormenting them?

Narcissa glared at her and Draco refused to even look at her. He simply crossed his arms and stared out the window.

Lucius cleared his throat after Hermione had taken a seat. "I don't know who you think you are Granger, but nobody keeps the Malfoys waiting. When I say thirty minutes, I mean thirty minutes, you hear? Or you'll be terribly sorry," he threatened.

Hermione snorted. "Or you'll do what?"

Lucius's lips moved to reveal an evil grin. "That, you don't want to know."

Hearing his father, Draco couldn't help but smirk.

"Anyway, now that we are all here, let's get some things straight. You-" he said, pointing at Hermione, "will live here for as long as you are married to my son. And that won't be very long, if I can do anything about it. But while you are here, you will follow the Malfoy family code of rules. You are still not to be trusted, so you are not to leave the Manor grounds, nor will you be allowed to owl anybody. Don't worry, special wards are set up specifically to guard _you_ within the premises. So no heroic ideas there." Lucius noted with satisfaction Hermione's slightly fallen face.

He continued, "In addition, I expect you to learn from my wife how to be a high-class witch. You will learn the ways in which we aristocrats handle things whether you like it or not. Lastly, you and Draco will be married in two weeks. From now until then, I want to see you as least as possible. You are to be present, however, at meal times in the dining room with no excuses. My wing of the Manor is off-limits to you. And if you dare lose me any one of my servants- humans and house-elves included- for whatever reason, or if you try any tricks, then don't think I won't kill you myself. Is that understood?"

"Clearly," Hermione spat with bitterness.

"Good. Now get the hell out of my face and do whatever you want. You will be called when needed." Lucius gestured for Hermione to leave the room, and she got up willingly.

Before she could leave, however, Lucius reached for a silver bell which was lying about near him and rang it. Hermione was surprised by how loud the ringing sounds were- she supposed the bell had the Sonorous charm placed on it, for the whole Manor seemed to be echoing the ring. 

"Oh_, Sevvv-ver-russs_," Lucius Malfoy chimed. 

Within two seconds, Severus Snape sulkily appeared in front of the doorway.

"Ah, Severus, my good man. Talking with and seeing Miss Granger's face has given me a hearty headache. I want you to go down to the cellars and brew me a potion. No tricks now, since you will be the one to test it in front of me."

Snape nodded curtly, and Hermione looked away. Even though she disliked Snape, she couldn't bear to see her former Professor in such an undignified stance.

"And after you're done, I want you to hand-polish my leather loafers. Blinky will set them out for you in your quarters."

"But polishing shoes is a house-elf's job! Easily done with magic!" Snape protested furiously. He knew Lucius was just trying to tick him off by giving him such menial tasks, but this was getting too much.

Draco sniggered and Narcissa smiled mirthlessly.

"You will learn not to talk back to me in such a manner, Severus. Tsk tsk. I am very disappointed with you," Lucius spoke, shaking his head. Then in a flash, he drew out his wand, pointed it at Snape, and shouted a curse.

Hermione gasped as Snape's legs wobbled and gave way, causing him to tumble down.

The elder Malfoy burst out laughing. "Jelly legs for first offense," he announced. "But don't think I won't hesitate to use something else next time. You are as well aware as I am that the Unforgivable Curses are not so unforgivable anymore."

Snape grunted and tried to get up, but couldn't. 

Draco and Lucius laughed even harder. 

Defeated, Snape had no choice but to slowly crawl away until the curse wore off. As he crawled past Hermione, he made sure not to look up and face her.

**

Hermione stormed out of the parlor indignantly. She couldn't believe how bad the Malfoys were mentally tormenting Snape. 

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Oh, they'll pay, when I get to them.

Back in the foyer, Hermione realized she didn't really know where to go. There was nothing to do in her room- but she didn't know where anything else was. She wasn't even sure how to summon up Ginny and Seamus- they didn't seem to be visibly around. Sighing, she decided just to explore the place on her own, and proceeded to climb up the grand stair case.

About two hours later, Hermione was still not done. Malfoy Manor was huge! She had come across a lot of useless, empty rooms, a ballroom, rooms full of antiques and family heirlooms, an observatory-type of room, and finally the library. The Malfoy Library was indeed grand, as expected, and Hermione had lost track of a lot of time there. She resolved to spend the majority of the rest of her days there. Now, however, Hermione was on the fourth floor, promenading down the carpeted corridor when she passed a huge door with _DRACO MALFOY_ engraved in gold on it. 

It was his room.

Letting her curiosity get the better of her, Hermione opened the door and stepped in without a second thought. 

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Let's see what hidden secrets my fiancé has in there…

Draco's room was very neat and organized. He had a four-poster bed even bigger than hers with green and white silk covers, a large wardrobe and mirror, a couple of trunks beside the bed, and a desk covered with books, parchments, and his personal belongings. Without any hesitation, Hermione marched over to the desk to see what precious treasures she could find. 

Busy fumbling through his things, she failed to notice the door open and someone enter the room.

Draco Malfoy had been glad to be rid of Hermione Granger for the day, and had hoped he wouldn't run into her until dinner. That plan proved wrong, however, when he strode into his own room to find her hunched over his desk, probing through his possessions. A fiery anger roared in him as he realized what she was trying to do.

"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!"

At the sound of his voice, Hermione froze and went cold. 

Shit. 

She had been caught.

Determined to keep her cool, she whirled around and not really knowing what excuse to use to explain her actions, she yelled, "What's it to you?"

"What's it to me? THIS IS **MY** ROOM!"

Hermione gulped. He had a good point.

"Well I was just taking a tour of my new home, I didn't know there was any harm in that."

He couldn't believe it. This was outrageous! "A tour around _my_ home does not give _you_ the right to enter my bedroom! Or anyone else's for that matter!" 

"Funny, I didn't know there was anything wrong with a woman casually taking a peek in her fiancé's bedroom!" It wasn't a very strong argument, but Hermione knew it would piss him off.

"Casually taking a peek? You were spying! And even if you weren't, how dare you touch my things!" With that, he brusquely marched over to her and pushed her roughly away from his desk. "You'll pay for this!"

"No, YOU'll pay for this! For all of this!" With a swift movement, she pounded his chest with her fist and attempted to scramble away from him and out the door. 

However, his reflexes were quicker, and Draco was able to grasp her by the arms. Pulling her back, he spun her around to face him, then violently shook her. "You're going to get it now, Granger, Voldemort's orders or not!"

Desperate to struggle free, she spat in his face. This came as a surprise to him, and he let go of her to brush her saliva off of his face in disgust. "YOU BITCH!" he bellowed.

"YOU BASTARD!" she snarled back, and tried to push him out of her way.

Unfortunately, he was stronger and, towering at 6"3 (as opposed to her 5"6), was much bigger. Blocking her way, he grabbed a hold of her again and threw her to the floor.

"You're going to be so sorry you ever did this," he warned menacingly, and reached into his cloak for his wand.

Before he could draw it out, though, Hermione regained herself and kicked him hard in the balls with all her might. "There goes _your_ manhood, Malfoy!"

"AHHHHHHHH!" Malfoy screamed in unearthly pain. Clutching his injured private part, he fell to his knees, gritting his teeth.

Seeing this as her golden opportunity, she hoisted herself off of the floor and darted towards the door. Expecting Malfoy to feel particularly murderous now, she wanted to flee as far away from him as possible. Mentally kicking herself for idiotically giving Malfoy a reason to kill her by trespassing into his room, she sped all the way downstairs, forgetting already where her room was, only wanting to get away fast.

Breathless and flushed, Hermione finally reached the foot of the stairs.

__

Perhaps I could stake out in the gardens for awhile, she thought. 

Feeling home free, she continued racing to the front door, where she opened it and ran right into Voldemort.

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A/N: Another fun cliffhanger, I suppose? Mwuahhaha…okay, this chapter was so completely dry, I know it. Sorry about that. But anyway, I think Hermione was wrong all the way and poor Draco didn't deserve the kick…well fine, he does deserve it for all the times he was so nasty to her! And poor Snape! Ok, to make you all feel better, I'll leave you with a few teasers for next chap. And I'll try to make it better too, this chap was so bleh. Ok, anyway, I'd still love it if you guys gave me **reviews**, its what keeps me going so fast these days, so please send them in! **Review, review, review!** Just one click! The more, the merrier!

Thanks and lots of lurve!

~ smashing sugar ~

P.S. Because I'm so nice, here are the few teasers for the next chap:

the reason why voldie wants D/Hr to get married will begin to unravel…mysteriously… wedding plans commence! Snape gets a bit of his revenge 

there you go! Hope you're happy and come back for more! :D


	4. Wedding Plans

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A/N: Hey! Back to update this…thanks again for your lovely reviews even though I got less than chap 2! Hmpf! But that's ok, since I got enough for me to update. I also finally got around to updating my other fic, finally. Yay! Right. Back to business. Quick messages:

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'div: hehe I guess he sort of did, but Hermione was also slightly overreacting…its ok t feel sorry for Snape, he won't be too much of an ass in this story, and Voldie doesn't quite spill his reason but you'll see….thanks and read on!

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Cecelia: you are absolutely brilliant! First you got me thinking about the honeymoon and now this…your idea is great!! I burst out laughing when I read it…it's pretty funny! I can so imagine it…hahahaha…you're great! Thanks for sharing! Keep doing it! :)

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some1: thank you, I hope it stays successful :P

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Silver Dragon Goddess: I think Draco is satisfactorily nasty in this chap, I'll try to keep him this way as much as I can…and thanks for the sarcasm suggestion, I'll add more for him whenever I can! :D Thanks!

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Draco Lover: yep, the one and only!

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hyper_shark: hello mrs. malfoy's best friend! Yeah poor Draco and snape…

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Esperanza: he both sort of did and didn't, you know? Hehe I hope you like this chap!

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Melanie: aww don't pout! Here's the new chap for you, and it doesn't end with a cliffy!

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Phoenix Flight: your image is so hilarious…of course, Voldie can't wear a suit because he's not a Muggle, but you're right, he's walking up minding his own business when the door opens and BAM! I'm glad you liked that part!

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Mysticpixie, michelline: thank you and I'll keep the chaps coming as fast as I can!

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DazzilinAngel555: glad you really liked this, and also because I don't know where else to tell you this, but thanks so much for reviewing my songfic…I am more than ecstatic that you think it's very good (and also very sad, yes that I agree!), and flattered beyond words that you think I've got the talent! THANK YOU! Lots of hugs to you! :D

Thanks again everyone who's reviewed so far, I hope you all come back to read and review. Here's chapter 4…I think the insanity level has somewhat declined a bit, but in any case, hope you'll enjoy it!

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Chapter 4: Wedding Plans

Hermione had no idea what she crashed into, but the collision caused her to tumble backwards and land flat on her arse. From behind her, she heard heavy, racing footsteps rush down the stairs and knew immediately it must be Draco. Swallowing, she finally looked up from her fallen position at the person she had rammed into.

And choked on her gurgling saliva when she saw that it was Voldemort. 

He was standing in the frame of the doorway, tall and menacing, clothed in a long, pitch-black cloak. His face was hidden behind a shadowy hood, but she could see two red eyes glaring down at her. As if in slow motion, she saw his arms reach up to his head and his extraordinarily long fingers pull down his hood.

She had never been in such a close proximity with the Dark Lord before. His presence unnerved her terribly and sent chills up and down her spine, but she would not let him frighten her the way he did his so-called loyal subjects.

When his hood had fully fallen, Hermione gasped. She had never seen his face this close and clear before. It was deathly pale and apart from those piercing red eyes, there were two slits which served as his nostrils on it, along with pursed lips. His face was expressionless and emotionless and this bothered Hermione even more than if Voldemort's face was drenched in fury.

From behind her, she heard the footsteps stop suddenly and a loud gasp that could only come from Malfoy. He was probably as stunned as she was that Voldemort was paying them a visit.

Suddenly, the Dark Lord lifted his right arm and pointed his fingers straight at Hermione's face. She braced herself for the worse. Maybe he had changed his mind and wanted her dead after all.

She was, of course, completely unprepared for Voldemort to burst out laughing like an idiot. And it wasn't a cold, sarcastic, dry laugh either. It was just plain moronic.

"Hee! Hahahahahha! Wee hee!!" went Voldemort, shaking violently with uncontrollable laughter and slapping his own stomach.

Hermione had enough. She wasn't going to be laughed at like this, even if it was by the most powerful dark wizard.

"What's so funny?" she asked, scowling.

Voldemort went into further hysterics and pointed behind her. 

Hermione turned around and saw Malfoy at the foot of the stairs frozen in astonishment. In his right hand, he was carrying his wand. In his left hand was a rather sharp knife.

Hermione jumped up from the floor immediately and yelped. Okay, she knew Malfoy was feeling murderous, but she only thought he'd hex her or something. But the knife…was he really going to stab her to death?

Presently, Voldemort stopped laughing and composed himself. "Sorry about that," he began, evidently still amused. "But you should have seen your face," he told Hermione, "it was priceless, even for a Gryffindor Mudblood such as yourself. And you should have seen him running down the stairs! He looked about to kill you! With that crazy dagger! Ha!"

Malfoy paled considerably, then remembered his place. He bowed his head reverently and went on his knees, uttering, "Master."

He looked so pathetic that Hermione would have burst out laughing herself if she wasn't thinking he'd be slitting her throat the next chance he got.

"Ah, young Master Malfoy. Pardon my interruption. I only wanted to speak with your family and the Mudblood here, and pay a nice visit to my former slave, Snape."

Hermione was surprised at Voldemort's cordiality. 

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He must be in a good mood these days, what with ruling the European wizarding world and all. Good for him.

Just then, Lucius Malfoy and Severus Snape emerged from the dining room adjacent to the foyer and both immediately kneeled down, bowing their heads, much the same way Draco did. "Master," they both acknowledged.

Hermione merely snorted in disgust.

Lucius then got up and walked over to his Master, pushing Hermione out of his way. 

"Why, your Grace. What a most pleasant surprise! What brings you to my humble abode, my lord?"

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Humble abode my Mudblood arse, thought Hermione.

"Well apart from checking on Severus, here, I thought it was time I spoke with your family and _her_ about the very anticipated wedding," replied Voldemort, gleaming.

"Certainly, sire, please, step into my parlor. I will get Narcissa at once!" He then Disapparated, and within three seconds, Apparated back with Narcissa. Upon seeing the Dark Lord, she too, went on her knees and bowed her head. But she did not speak.

In silence, they proceeded to the parlor, Hermione included. Snape sat himself on the floor near the door, while Hermione and Draco settled themselves on the sofa. Hermione glanced at Draco and sure enough the dagger was gone. She would get him back later for even thinking about it.

Narcissa propped down gracefully on her usual armchair, while Lucius summoned two more throne-looking high chairs. Undoubtedly for himself and his Master.

Once everyone was seated and facing each other, Voldemort began.

"Now, I know you're wondering why I, the great Dark Lord, the most powerful dark wizard of modern times, would ever disgrace such a loyal and powerful Pureblood family such as the Malfoys by having their only son and heir wed a filthy Mudblood," he started. 

Everyone held their breaths in anticipation of the long-awaited answer.

"Well, I can't tell you that just yet," he finished and grinned at their obviously disappointed faces. "However, it will become clear to you as we go along. In any case, I would like to discuss with you all the necessary wedding preparations."

"My lord, my wife has gladly volunteered to work on that herself. Such feminine matters need not be worried by the Dark Lord," Lucius offered.

"Your wife will work on the finer details, but I will be telling you now a few important things that will happen at the wedding. First of all, I have here with me a guest list. You will invite no others to attend apart from the names written on this list. Is that understood?" He fumbled into his cloak, pulled out a scroll, and handed it to Lucius.

The Malfoys all nodded and mumbled, "Yes, Master," while Hermione said nothing.

Voldemort ignored her. "Good. Now, although I find homicidal attempts very amusing, I must advise you, young Master Malfoy, to not harm your fiancée. She is more valuable than you know, and harming her will bring you dire consequences."

Malfoy's face blanched five shades of white, and Lucius's was clearly beset by fury. He stared darkly at his son.

"And you, Miss Granger, had also better not harm Draco here. He, too, is valuable to me, and one of my most prized young Death Eaters. You two are valuable together, but not so much so on your own. Killing the other will be as good as committing suicide. Heed my word on that; you have been warned." 

His words sent a chill to both Hermione and Draco. They hadn't done anything remotely significant enough to be this 'valuable'. What the hell was Voldemort playing at?

"And now that that's out of the way," he continued, "I would like to add one more thing. I will personally be wedding the both of you," he finished, beaming.

Hermione's heart stopped. Voldemort simply could NOT be the minister at her wedding, even if it was to Malfoy. He just couldn't!

"What?!" she subsequently blurted out before she or anyone else could stop her. "That's outright ridiculous, you aren't a priest, sir high and mighty Dark Lord!"

Shock and fear came about all the Malfoys' face, but Hermione was unfazed.

Voldemort seemed taken aback by her, at first, before chuckling dryly. "Now, now, Miss Granger, I _am_ the Dark _Lord_. _Lord_. And again, _LORD_. Which means, I am above _any_ priest. I am rather offended by your demeanor. It should be an honor, Miss Granger, to have me conduct your wedding!" 

Hermione opened her mouth to protest, but Voldemort silenced her by saying further, "Usually, I award harsh punishments for such a felony- nobody raises their voice at the Dark Lord nor do they question his actions. However, considering that we are discussing your 'happy day', I will let you off with a warning this time."

The Malfoy family ogled. Voldemort never gave anyone a warning. Had the bloke gone soft?

"Now, I'm afraid, I must leave you, loyal followers and friends. I have a pressing engagement to make- it cannot wait. I will see you all in two weeks for that happy day!" Voldemort bid, then stood up and promptly Apparated in a hurry.

Everyone sat in silence and stared at the seat where Voldemort had occupied just a few seconds ago. 

After several more minutes, Lucius cleared his throat. "Now then, we all heard the Lord. Narcissa, I suppose you have work to do. Two weeks isn't very long."

"Well, of course not, do you take me for a fool, Lucius?" she snapped from her seat.

"Whatever devil has gotten into you?" he shot back.

"Oh please, Lucius, are you seriously going to stand there and pretend you weren't disturb?"

"About what?" 

Narcissa looked exasperated. "About the fact that our only son is going to be wed by Voldemort?"

"So? It's an honor, Narcissa-"

"Please! You can't be serious! Look, as foreign as they may be to you, I still hold a few beliefs dear. Marriage is supposed to be a holy ceremony. Voldemort is anything but," Narcissa declared.

"Mother, I am marrying _her_. Does it matter? Let Voldemort marry me to filth, and we can get a real priest when I marry Pansy later," put in Draco.

For some reason, his response highly maddened Hermione. Ferociously, she turned to him, eyes blazing. "I'd stop with the derogatory remarks, if I were you, Malfoy. You tried to kill me. Remember what Voldemort said- you kill me and it's your funeral. Better treat me with respect, now. Because I'm not as afraid of dying as you are, especially when it comes to a good cause such as slaying a venomous snake such as yourself," she threatened dangerously.

"I wasn't going to kill you, I was merely-" he began to protest, when his father silenced him.

"Enough! You are both despicable. Slaughtering each other, really. How many times must I tell you it is futile? Your fate is sealed. Live with it." 

Huffily, they both crossed their arms and looked away from each other.

"Now, Narcissa, I suggest you live with it too. We haven't a choice. I suggest you take Granger here up to your room now to discuss your feminine formalities. Draco and I will take a look at our guest list and send out the invitations. Decorations and the menu will be discussed tomorrow. Now, hurry, out of my sight!" commanded Lucius.

Narcissa got up while Hermione remained in her seat. "It's not fair you know. This is _my_ wedding. I should have as much say in it as anyone else," she bluntly remarked.

Lucius groaned. "For devil's sake, will you stop it. This is not the wedding of your choice, and neither is it ours. It is Voldemort's so we go according to whatever plans he has, do you understand?"

"You're all just too scared of that wretched half-human to speak for yourselves. Just look at you! It is your son's wedding and you're letting that foul monster push you all around!" 

Lucius glowered at Hermione. "THAT IS ENOUGH! Your ramblings are cacophonous to my ears. I don't want to hear any more of this. Get out!"

Narcissa walked over to Hermione giving her a nudge, and the two women grumpily stalked out of the parlor. 

**

"You are late."

"I have a right to be. I'm the Dark Lord."

Voldemort had just Apparated into a round, dimly lit chamber. The room was furnished with nothing but two chairs and a circular table in the middle and a white, translucent crystal ball in the center of it, with glowing white orbs floating around it. On one side of the table sat a hunched, frail-looking, skinny female figure whose face was obscured by the darkness.

"Where were you?"

"Paying them a visit."

"Wonderful. They are both healthy, I presume?"

"Yes, very much so," Voldemort replied, as he walked towards the table and sat down opposite the figure.

"Good. Your plans will succeed, my lord. You cannot fail now," came her eerily soft and mysterious voice.

"I better not. But I must ask you again- you are sure you have foreseen all of this? The coming true of the prophecy? That this will be my destiny, and the destiny of the wizarding world?"

"Yes, I have. This will be your destiny."

"Brilliant. Seers like you are hard to find these days."

"Many abandoned their skills and perished during the War. Only I saw what I could give you. The gift will be fruitful beyond all dreams, Lord."

"Good. I expect no less, or I will not hesitate to have your head."

"Yes, my lord, I understand. Now, for my preliminary gift to you…" she said, gesturing eagerly towards the white crystal ball.

"Right. You will be rewarded for this. Now, show me Potter."

  
**

When they finally reached Narcissa's personal chambers, they found Ginny there pleasantly humming and re-arranging Narcissa's wardrobe. 

"Lady Malfoy!" she cried, startled, when the two sour-faced women burst in. 

"Good, Red, you're here, you can help us. My mind is so exhausted I don't even know what to think. They can be so difficult!" Narcissa said in frustration.

She strolled over to a chair and sat down testily.

"Sit you both, we have a lot to discuss," she tiredly ordered the two younger girls.

Ginny looked over at Hermione, who nodded in assent, and the two sat themselves by Narcissa's feet.

The elder lady sighed. "Now, the wedding will be two Saturdays from today and we haven't got much time to prepare. I need new dress robes and Hermione needs a wedding gown. We will have to go to Madame Malkin's tomorrow, so Red, go give Madame Malkin a call using my flame and make an appointment with her at half past 10 in the morning." 

Ginny nodded, and the lady turned to Hermione. "We'll also have to book Madame Pristine's services for the wedding day. She's the best hairdresser-witch in town, and god knows, if anyone can tame that bushy bundle on your head it's her. Of course, she'll be doing my hair as well," she added, fingering her own lovely blonde locks.

"And a stop at Gringott's will be necessary. You have absolutely nothing precious with you, and I'm not letting such a woman marry my son. Therefore, we're going to get out some of my jewelry for you to wear. You will have to look rich," Narcissa explained condescendingly.

"You know, I'm not poor in the Muggle world. My parents are respectable dentists and are very financially well off. We have jewelry of our own which I will be more pleased to wear. Also, my mother always wanted me to wear this gold locket of hers on my wedding day, it's sort of a family heirloom…" Hermione's voice trailed off as memories of a happier life with her parents flooded into her mind. She felt tears sting at her eyes but she didn't want to cry, not now.

Narcissa looked at the younger woman sympathetically, a large feat for the wife of a registered Mudblood-exterminator. "Well you are not in your world and you aren't to be in touch with your parents. I'm sorry. Don't take this too seriously, though. This wedding is only part of some sordid scheme of Voldemort's. Nothing more."

Hermione nodded slightly, and looked away. Ginny pat her arm reassuringly. 

"Now, moving on, we have to discuss your surly demeanor. We can't have that. So beginning from tomorrow, I will begin teaching you the proper etiquette and behaviors of high-class Pureblooded women. I will instill more grace into you, if that's the last thing I do."

"My parents taught me enough table manners, thank you," Hermione commented dryly.

"There is a lot more. Even the way you walk has to be altered. The way you talk. The way you laugh. The way you smile and express gratitude. The way you frown and express displeasure. Even the way you bat your eyelashes at men have to be properly trained," came Narcissa's wisdom in a nutshell.

Hermione scoffed. Now she knew why Pansy Parkinson always bat her eyelashes in a way that made it look like she was suffering from eye ticks. She'd be damned before she had to do it too.

"But that is a lesson saved for another day. Tomorrow perhaps. For today, we only have one more matter to discuss." Then Narcissa paused, as if debating with herself on whether or not to bring it up. Finally, she exhaled and spoke. "The last thing we need to talk about is…your honeymoon."

Hermione wasn't sure she heard right. "Sorry? Did you say 'honeymoon'?"

"Yes. I know this is anything but a love marriage, but I have a sneaking suspicion that Voldemort doesn't plan for it to end anytime soon. And since neither you nor my son are willing to get better acquainted here, I thought perhaps another location might do you good. Of course, I haven't proposed this to either Lucius or Draco, but do hear me out."

Hermione was now convinced Narcissa was just as nutters as any of them. Did she really think Hermione and Draco could survive a honeymoon together? And what were they expected to do on a honeymoon anyway? Relax while the rest of the world plunders? Sip on cocktails adorned with cute mini-umbrellas next to the beach while throwing strings of insults at each other? Try to drown the other while they're casually reclining in a spa? Or worse, MAKE LOVE?!

"Well if it ever amounts to that, then I suppose you could," came Narcissa's strangely strangled voice.

"Huh?" Hermione was confused; what was Narcissa going on about?

That was when she realized she had spoken the last two words of her thoughts aloud. She turned to face Ginny and saw the other girl blushing furiously and trying hard to hide a smile.

"No! No, no, that's not what I meant, I was just thinking-"

"About it?" piped in Ginny, no longer containing the humor in her face.

Hermione glared at her. "No! I was not! Why, I would never!"

"Well, I do realize that many women find my son charming and virile, of course I should expect even his worst enemy to feel so…" said Narcissa with a chuckle.

Suddenly, a mental image of her and Malfoy having heated, passionate sex willed itself into her mind and her stomach growled in revulsion.

"No! Really! Stop it, I was not thinking about Draco in THAT way!"

"In what way?" came an all-too familiar male voice. 

__

Oh crap.

The three women whirled their heads to find Draco Malfoy gazing at them curiously from the hall through the open door. He had been on his way to his room to fetch his owl when he walked past his mother's room and happened to hear Hermione rant on about not thinking about him in "THAT way". 

"Didn't I ever teach you to knock, Draco dear?" drawled his mother.

"Not when an interesting conversation is at play behind an open door, Mother. Now, do enlighten me, Granger, in what way were you _not_ thinking of me?"

Hermione blushed ten shades of red. "Er…I…er…that's none of your business!"

Ginny giggled madly and Narcissa herself couldn't stop from softly chuckling. 

"Funny, that's what you always say when I find you butting into _my _business. Such as frolicking around in my room," he said, taking a step towards the women and folding his arms.

"It was nothing, Malfoy. You merely heard a fragment of a conversation concerning a completely different topic," Hermione asserted, trying to shelve away her embarrassment.

"My, I had no idea that good Gryffindor graduates such as what you claim to be _lie_," Narcissa said most deviously.

Hermione's mouth dropped open in disbelief at Narcissa's words.

Malfoy was enjoying this. Hermione looked like a trapped puppy right now, and it thrilled him. 

"Really, now? Tsk. Tsk. Whatever could you be thinking? Let me guess…ah, you were fantasizing about me making heated and passionate love to you?" he asked, thinking he was hitting one of her angry nerves for entertainment, but completely unaware of the truth behind his statement.

"No! It wasn't like that!" began Hermione, her face even redder now than Ginny's notorious hair. "It was Narcissa's fault, she was talking about our honeymoon, and I couldn't help but think of whatever it was that we would be expected to do-"

Wrong thing to say.

"Our WHAT?!"

"Honeymoon! Your mother said-"

"I am NOT going on a honeymoon with you!" Malfoy declared.

"Well, it's not like I want to go on one with you either, Malfoy, but you're missing the point-"

"Missing the point? I completely understand the point! No honeymoon!"

"I get that already, what I meant was that-"

"What you mean is that you were fantasizing about having sex with me during our supposed honeymoon! Fat chance! I am not shagging you!"

"Well I don't want you to!" Hermione screamed back standing up, enraged. "And I don't want to shag you either-"

"You lie! You were thinking about it, how could you! And how dare you steal my fine, masculine image and dirty it in your brain?"

How _dare_ her? How _DARE_ her? 

__

Why that evil, insolent, self-absorbed prick!

"EXCUSE ME?! How dare YOU accuse me of-"

"STOP IT! BOTH OF YOU!" Narcissa was now standing up as well, hands on both of her hips. "If you're going to have another childish blazing row, have one elsewhere!"

"He started it!" protested Hermione.

"It doesn't matter, I am fed up with you two! I am so glad I don't have to marry either of you!" 

This shut both Hermione and Draco, as well as Ginny's chortling laughter, as they tried to digest what it was that Narcissa was saying. Realizing the oddity of her own statement, Narcissa decided to end their session immediately, and 'shooed' everyone out of her chamber.

Seething, Hermione and Draco stalked out and parted ways in the hall without another word.

Only Ginny was left to ponder the events that just transpired. Musing to herself, she smiled as she made her way downstairs, her thoughts occupied by a couple who she believed truly didn't hate each other as much as they thought.

**

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A/N: There you have it. Not much I know, it was kind of stupid at some places, and longer than I actually wanted it to be, but I hope that adds to your pleasure. Also, I didn't skip as much time in the story as I previously wanted. Oh well, that will be my labor next time. Ah, and I think I made some of our favorite characters go OOC! Phooey on me. Anyway, how was it? Tell me! Any improvements I should make? Tell me! Anything you particularly liked? Hated? Tell me! How to tell me? **Review**! (Ok, that definitely sounded stupid). But yeah, your reviews are so very welcome and my story would not have gotten this far without them. So please, **review**.

Oh, and I bet you are all dying to know about Voldemort's plans just as much as Draco and Hermione are, but it will all be revealed in due time, I promise! You can make your guesses now from what was written in this chapter…tell me what they are, so I can see how many directions I am leading you guys towards. 

Feeling nice as usual, I'm going to give another teaser for the next chapter: the big day arrives- yes, it's their wedding! And I'll tell you now that no hero comes to stop it, so they do get married! Oh and even before that, D/Hr have a confrontation that leads to a bit of an understanding between them…not the usual bickering and murder attempts…hee :P

Ok, that's it for now. Hope you all enjoyed this somewhat so far. 

Kudos!

~ smashing sugar ~


	5. Married!

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A/N: First things first. I **LOVE** ALL OF YOU REVIEWERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know it's been awhile since I updated, but wow, I've got so many reviews since last chap! THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH!!! YOU'RE THE GREATEST!!! You've all made a very tiny person in this world extremely, intensely, and undeniably HAPPY! :D:D 

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'div: yes, I agree, the man has a bubbling ego (like a lot of men-sowwie, me being mildly sexist at the moment, eheh, forgive me!). But anyway, I hope this chapter will satisfy your anxious wait!

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Crystalline Lilly: you're first impression is very, very good *winks*

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avapouhi: don't be sorry, I love over-enthusiasm from reviewers! :D:D and I hope I can keep D and Hr IC for a long while…thanks!

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Twinkles: yes, he's definitely gone mad…I think at one time or another, they all will, haha. To answer your question, no they're not dead…Ron and Ginny obviously aren't, and I love the Weasleys far too much to kill them all off…but I can't say as to whether they all will be in the story just yet…you don't want them to fall in love?? *pouts* but I agree, it would be interesting if they ended up killing each other for real, and of course, the other reviewers will most likely bomb my e-mail if I did that :P

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tom4eva: thank you! More fights likely to be on their way!

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Sage: I can't spill all of the beans, but they do get married don't they? *hint hint*

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Kid Majere: yup, he's gonna do the honors! Well the honeymoon is the next chap, but stick around anyhow!

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Madame Plot Bunnie: we love Draco no matter how idiotic or nasty he is, don't we? Of course! Glad u loved that comment :P

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Hgbookworm: thank you, but it might be awhile until near the end of the story comes along…I have a hunch that this is going to be kind of a long story…

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Coconut: I will _never_ ditch this fic! Not unless I get a hundred reviews telling me to do so, that is…hehe

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WindRider-Damia, porkypop, playboibunnie69, Jennifer, rei, Mysticpixie, Poppy, Janice: thank you and I will! Romance will come in due time, promise!

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Twitch: I think all of their arguments tend to be that way…amusingly silly at the core :P

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Embyr-Dragon: thank you! I'm ecstatic that you like my fic despite it having a ship you don't go for…hopefully it will make you reconsider? Hopefully? *double blinks*

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ariel: no! please! I will finish it, so, kindly spare my muggle ass and don't send out your pet basilisk! :P:P

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Cecelia: I love all of your reviews so much, you are a terrific reviewer! *hugs* Your last idea is absolutely hilarious (and embarrassing for Hermione at that!). yes, I admit to being a tease, but because I'm an evil person (a nice one, mind you, never mind the hypocrisy) I will keep on dropping clues mwuhahaha! However, I'd like to clear a bit of misunderstanding I think you had there…the seer _isn't_ a Potter…but what Voldemort meant was he was telling the seer to _show_ him Potter (Harry) through the crystal ball…sorry for not making it clear enough, my bad (but on another note, I think McD's is full of lies anyway, hehe *grins*)

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Silver Dragon Goddess: glad you loved that line! Don't worry, the answers will come in due time…hehehe…*ducks as you throw an apple at me*

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Phoenix Flight: I don't imagine a lot of things were what she imagined as a teenager! Your line is really funny! Another reviewer who has great ideas! Big thanks for that, I sort of incorporated in a bit of the idea in this chap, you don't mind terribly do you? It's under your copyright, of course ;)

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DazzilinAngel555: I burst out laughing writing that part too, haha, thanks and I'll keep going for sure!

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DracoLover788: I seriously imagine her battling eyelashes that way, haha…it's interesting how different lines appeal to different ppl! Keep reviewing!

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dracoJAE: hehe you can tell your mom that I'm the nutter one! guess what! I read your story- not IYCB but the one where Draco is the dark lord, but you only have 2 chaps! It seems kind of dark, I want to see where you're gonna go with it (your cue to update). Would have reviewed, but as I've mentioned somewhere before, my computer repels the use of java so I can't :(

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Lily of the Shadow: I'm sorry I haven't been exercising my quick updating reflexes *ducks once more as you throw me a banana peel* but I had all this other academic boring snoring stuff to do! Anyway, here it is, hope you like it!

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Dreaming One: truth be told, I don't know what's going on in my head either! But I do love your review. Hope you like this chap just as well!

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Mistress Moony: thank you! Keep on laughing!

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Eclipse Rider: you're adding this to the list?!? AHH THANK YOU SO MUCHIE!! *gives you bigass hug* I'm very flattered and happie!

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Oliver's gurl: you're the second one whose mother thinks has gone nuts from laughing at my story! Feel free to put all the blame on little clinically insane me :P You are also the second one who made a guess about who the seer is…very perceptive you are is what I have to say! *winks* Seamus will come on and off, and he's in this chap, but not a really big role yet…

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Esperanza: thanks so much for taking the time to write a lot, I really do appreciate it! The reason why Hr isn't flirting just yet is because she's still IC…but as the story progresses, who knows how long her sanity will last? I'm also glad you liked how Voldy is…this is my version of mad voldy gone even madder haha :D

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c0okie: thingis? There are 'thingis' on your body (please enlighten me, I have no clue what you're talking about :P) But anyway, it's going to be a longish story, so it mite be awhile until I finish it, but keep staying tuned, k?

There! I hope I didn't forget anyone who reviewed the last chap (if I did, I'm sorry!). Again, BIG HUGE THANKS to you all, you reviewers are brilliant. 

One more thing. I'd like to thank my new beta-reader **Erin** for offering to beta my story and beta-reading this chap! Without her, this story would have quite a few silly mistakes. Thanks **Erin**! 

Now moving on.

Major time skipping in this chap! I can't dwell too long, knowing that we're all waiting for the wedding and that the story still has a loooooong way to go…so sorry if it seems that the events are a bit rushed here and there, but time skipping is necessary! Anyway, this is the longest chap in this fic so far, so please bear with me…I'm not sure if it's as good as last one, I'll just have to wait for your reviews on that (at least my beta likes it so I'm being very hopeful)! Enjoy!

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Chapter 5: Married!

The next week passed in a blur for Hermione. Not only did she have to repeatedly visit Madame Malkin's for measurements and the sort for her wedding dress, but she also had to endure Narcissa's hourly teachings of proper upper-class, Pureblood etiquette and behavior as well. Fortunately, during this whole time, she barely crossed paths with Malfoy, and was quite glad for that. However, her luck ran out when the Monday before the wedding rolled around and Voldemort decided to drop in.

Everyone was gathered in the Study this time when Voldemort was led in by an extremely nervous-looking Seamus Finnigan. Ginny, who had been doing the excruciatingly menial job of dusting the shelves in the Study visibly flinched at the sight of him. Hermione, perched on a small stool as far away from Draco as possible, was determined to look calm but fierce. Both Narcissa and Draco looked weary and uncertain, while Severus Snape seemed horribly sullen and tormented. So as it turned out, only Lucius looked gleeful, but even his brightness was no match for the exuberant radiance that emanated from Voldemort as he pleasantly strolled into the Malfoy Study and sat himself down on his usual black velvet high-chair. 

He seemed to be a happy man today, and this, naturally, was nerve-racking to everyone around him.

"Ah, all here, face to face. Perfect. I assume everything is going as planned?" Voldemort asked Lucius, after observing every single face in the room.

"Yes, sire. We are right along schedule," answered Lucius.

"Wonderful. Just came to check up on the progress of my lovely people, really," Voldemort explained, to the puzzlement of his small audience. "Oh, but there is one thing…"

Everyone held their breath. They were certain it had to be unpleasant news.

"…I forgot to mention the last time we met that I believe it is customary for a bride to be given away by her father. However, being that you, Miss Granger, are not allowed to contact those Muggle parents of yours, I would like to appoint Severus Snape here to take the place of your father at the wedding."

At his words, Hermione's and Snape's jaws dropped. 

"That is absurd! Why, Lord, she looks nothing like me!" protested Snape from his position on the floor.

"And it doesn't have to be a father figure to give me away! I'll be perfectly content if Seamus were to do the honors…" added Hermione urgently.

But Voldemort merely chuckled and raised his hands to stop their meaningless protests. "Now, now, Butler Finnigan will have far too much to do, what with entertaining the guests with their drinks and all. Besides he, Miss Weasley, and one other person will be the only guests from your side at the wedding. They have much to do as it is."

Hermione could not believe this. Snape giving her away to Malfoy? It sounded like one big joke!

__

Or nightmare…

Voldemort took no heed of Hermione's troubled face, and simply continued. "Now, before I leave, Narcissa has informed me of a very interesting point to discuss with you."

At this, everyone, including Lucius and Malfoy, turned to look questioningly at Narcissa, whose face held a serene, blank expression, revealing no answers.

"I have heard that the news has not been well received, though. However, I find it rather exciting! What I'm talking about, of course, is Narcissa's proposal for young Draco and his new wife to go on a honeymoon!" 

At this, Narcissa smirked at her accomplishment, while Draco visibly tensed and Lucious looked like someone had knocked the breath out of him. Seamus gave a stunned expression, Ginny smiled knowingly, and Snape…well, was just being Snape and looked indifferent. Hermione sat abashed.

"My Lord, you, er- can't be serious, now! I mean, isn't it enough that Draco has to-"

"Now, now, Lucius, I have my reasons. I think a honeymoon would be a brilliant opportunity for the two newlyweds to get to know one another and possibly forge a friendship."

__

Forge a friendship?! Was the thought that instantly racked through the minds of Hermione, Draco, Lucius, Snape, and Seamus, though the latter two were slightly amused.

"But Master-" pressed Lucius further, unwavering.

"Hush, Lucius! I know what I am doing. And this is not a choice, really. The honeymoon for Draco and Miss Granger is an ordered offer. I _order_ you to go on this honeymoon, the way I ordered you both to marry. Simple as that. And don't worry. I will take care of all the expenses and details, including the destination of your honeymoon. All I know is that it will be an enthralling experience. Consider it your wedding gift from me. Is that clear?"

"Crystal," spat Hermione, infuriated. How dare he order her like that? It was bad enough that-

"No hard feelings, now, Miss Granger. I assure you, you will want to thank me for the great time you'll have when you return," said Voldemort easily.

His response made both Hermione and Draco burst out laughing derisively. _Great time my arse! _they thought.

Narcissa gave a triumphant smile, and Voldemort looked quite pleased. "See? It hasn't even begun yet and the both of you are already sharing a laugh. I daresay, a possible bond might already be formed…" the evil dark wizard suggested sneakily.

That shut Draco and Hermione up at once.

**

After Voldemort's departure, Draco trailed after his mother up the stairs.

"Mother, how can you do this to me? Going to Voldemort with that ridiculous idea! And scheming with him, how could you?!" he wailed angrily.

Narcissa seemed unfazed and continued strolling pleasantly. "Well, Draco, I wasn't in Slytherin for nothing, now, was I?"

"But Mother-"

"Oh stop it, Draco, you're being very irritating. You heard what the Dark Lord said. His orders. This is out of my hands," she said. "Now, hadn't you be checking up on your groom robes? I remember alterations had to be made."

"My groom robes are pathetic. I don't care about the alterations. There is no way I am wearing them to my wedding." The Malfoy family wedding robes for grooms were long, slightly frilly at the neck and cuffs, and white, resembling a cross between an old-fashioned nightgown and a dress.

"Seriously, Draco, it's what your father wore-"

"And you weren't bothered at all that he looked like a woman?"

"Well, Draco, it's just that-"

"It's just that I've being dragged into this marriage against my will, and the least anyone can do for me is to let me choose what I want to wear!" Draco exploded in frustration.

Narcissa's eyes flashed. "Don't you take that tone with me, Draco!"

"Mother, you simply do not see the absurdity of anything anymore!"

"Fine! Ruin tradition if you must! But you'll be sorely punished if there isn't at least one white garment in your attire!" Narcissa shouted at him, very vexed.

"Done!" he shouted back, then stormed downstairs. 

**

A few days later found Hermione walking around Malfoy Manor with Volumes I, II, and III of _Malfoy: A Genealogy_ balanced on her head. 

"That's it, shoulders straight up now!" commanded Narcissa from the foot of the grand stair case.

Presently, Hermione was enduring one of her etiquette classes with Narcissa. Apparently, the way she walked was not graceful enough so Narcissa was making her practice.

"Narcissa, I can't walk down the stairs like this! I'll lose my balance and fall!" complained Hermione from the top of the stairs.

"Well, we'll see about that won't we? Might do you good, if you break your spine then no one will have to bear seeing you walk so insufferably! Now come down this instant!"

Groaning, Hermione attempted to do what she was told, and stepped down carefully. Taking one slow step at a time, she felt her legs shake and her heartbeat increase. There was no way she'd get to the bottom step alive with those torturously heavy volumes on her head.

"We haven't got all day now! You're getting married in two days and I can't have you hunching down the aisle!" Narcissa called up in annoyance.

"I do not hunch!" Hermione argued vehemently, nearly making herself fall. "Whoa!"

"Hurry up, I did this exercise when I was three!" Narcissa continued.

Hermione decided to quicken her pace, but it proved unsuccessful as the heavy books shook frightfully on her head. 

"If any of those books fall, you don't want to know what's in store for you, young lady!" threatened her future mother-in-law.

"I'm trying!"

"So, Mudblood, are you having fun?" That was Draco. He had been coming down from his room as well, and now was walking easily down the same flight of stairs as Hermione, passing where she was.

"Shut it, Malfoy, you're supposed to be nice to-" Hermione began but broke off suddenly. With her added frustration and anger at Malfoy, she lost her footing, consequently missing a step, and began to tumble downwards.

Instinctively without a thought, Malfoy reached out to halt Hermione's fall and caught her in his strong arms before she tumbled further. However, the force of her descent was too strong and it ended up being that both of them plunged down the steps with flying books, rolling down into a miserable heap on the floor by Narcissa's feet.

"DRACO!" cried Narcissa in horror, bending down to wrench her son free from Hermione. "Are you hurt? Draco dearest, are you alright? Speak to me! DRACO!"

"I heard you!" he mumbled back to his mother, slightly dazed, with all parts of his body in pain. He was completely on top of Hermione, his face buried in her neck. He couldn't help noticing, however, that the filthy Mudblood smelled sweetly of strawberries.

__

Mmmm…

"Ugh you're crushing me! Get off!" rasped Hermione, who was laying flat on her back on the floor with the burdensome weight of Draco Malfoy on her.

Realizing his position, Draco pulled himself up with the aid of his mother. Leaning on her shoulder to steady his balance, he began inspecting himself for any signs of injury. Looking at his arms, he saw that bluish-green blobs were beginning to form in various places on his pale skin.

"You stupid Mudblood! You made me bruise on my perfect skin! It's tainted!"

"Oh no!" cried Narcissa alarmed, observing his son's bruises. "RED! Finnigan! Somebody get Snape now! My son's injured!" she shouted, after reaching for her wand and placing a Sonorous charm on herself. 

"What about me?" said Hermione, still on the floor. She had tried most unsuccessfully to get up.

"You can stay down there for being so impertinent! Look at what you did to my son!" raged Narcissa, softly rubbing her son's arms and back, trying to think of any simple healing spells to soothe his pain.

Soon, both Ginny and Seamus came rushing about with Professor Snape. "What happened here?" asked Snape, seeing his two former students bruised and three thick books scattered around. He feared they had tried another one of their killing matches again.

"That inane bitch of a Mudblood down there tumbled into me-" began Draco.

"That's not true, you tried to catch me-"

"And I fell because of that so whose bloody fault was it?" 

"Alright!" Snape said, fed up, and reached down to pull Hermione up. "Follow me, both of you, and I'll heal you up and cover your bruises," he said, motioning for them to follow. Slowly, they staggered behind him, refusing to converse with one another, disappearing from the foyer.

"At the rate this is going, they'll be dead by their wedding night!" moaned Narcissa to a worried Ginny and Seamus, who were still standing and staring after the disastrous pair and their former professor.

**

"Severus, my boots are filthy and not polished!"

Lucius Malfoy's roar echoed through the whole Manor. It was the morning of the dreaded wedding day and Lucius was very upset to find that the expensive black boots he was planning to wear were covered in dried muck. 

Snape appeared moments later, calm and collected. "You called, sir?" he purred most pleasantly.

Lucius eyed him suspiciously. "A merry mood we're in, are we?" he asked sarcastically.

"As merry as can be, sir," Snape replied, smiling just a bit.

Something was off with Snape, but Lucius couldn't exactly pinpoint what. For some reason, the man's sour demeanor had gone. Surely he couldn't be happy about Hermione Granger marrying Draco?

"Whatever. Look at this." Lucius pointed to his boots. "This is absolutely unacceptable. They are horrid! And they are brand new! I've never worn them before. So tell me, how is it that they're covered in mud?"

Snape looked thoughtful. "Hmmm, that is very interesting indeed. I haven't a clue, sir," he replied innocently.

Lucius narrowed his eyes. "You did this, didn't you?"

Snape uttered a cry of shock. "Why, sir, I would never! Here, Finnigan or one of the elves probably dropped it on the wet ground and forgot to clean it. Why don't I clean it up," and with that Snape reached out to grab the boots.

Lucius stopped him. "Nevermind, I haven't got time. The guests will be arriving any minute now and I can't wait forever for you to clean it up. I'll wear something else. ARGH!" Lucius pounded his own head in distress.

"A headache, sir?" Snape asked coyly.

"As a matter of fact, yes. Say, why don't you go fetch me one of your headache relieving potions now, Severus. Don't believe I can last this atrocious day with a throbbing head."

"Certainly, sir." Snape was gone in a flash, racing back to his slave chambers. This was the moment he had been waiting for. 

A few minutes later, he arrived back in Lucius Malfoy's bedchambers with a vial in his hand. 

"Here is your potion, sir," he announced upon entering.

Lucius looked at Snape warily. Something odd was definitely at play here. Snape was being a bit too…subservient. And even nice. Something had to be up. But with all the fuss and planning, Lucius was much too tired to question anything now.

"Good. You take a sip now, Severus," he ordered.

Snape gladly opened the vial and poured some of its liquid contents down his throat. "As you can see, I've got no tricks, Lucius," Snape replied after his sip.

"That's _Master Malfoy_ to you," Lucius said before walking over to obtain his potion.

At that moment, Snape's eyes grew wide and he pointed urgently at the window behind Lucius. Not knowing what to fear, Lucius whipped his head around and looked over to where Snape was pointing. Within that quick second, Snape dug into his robes and swiftly replaced the vial in his hand with another similar-looking one. 

Abruptly, Lucius turned back, narrowing his eyes. "What is it Severus? I don't see anything!"

"Oh, silly me, I thought I saw a pussy cat," Snape replied readily. "I mean, I know how you despise cats, sir."

"Right, right, bloody cats and their fur. Allergies. Eck." 

__

Ha! The oldest trick in the book still works!

"Well then, here is your potion, sir. I'll leave you to finish dressing now." And with that Snape strolled out.

Without any further thought, Lucius tipped the vial to his mouth and swallowed the potion in one single gulp. 

__

Hmm…a bit bitter today…

All of a sudden, he felt extremely lightheaded.

__

It's a good thing I'm mostly dressed, because by Merlin can't think straight now…

Just then, the world around Lucius spun and he began to see dancing stars.

**

"Crabbe, Goyle, you never cease being idiots do you?!"

Finally, the day that would make him the _un_happiest of men arrived, and Draco Malfoy was furious. While helping Draco get ready in his room, Crabbe and Goyle, his cronies from school and also his designated best men, had sneaked in some Chocolate Frogs, all of which had decided to jump around all over Malfoy's newly polished black leather shoes. 

"Well, Draco, it can be cleaned…" Crabbe offered. "Here, I'll do it."

Draco snatched his pants away from Crabbe's grasps. "Not a chance. You'll probably tear a hole in the damn thing, you fool of an oaf. You too, Goyle. Now get me my groom's cloak while I clean this mess you both created."

Goyle hurriedly complied with Draco's demands, and retrieved him his brand-new custom designed cloak. It was made of unicorn hair and some other wizardly material. Of a glowing silver-white color with a bit of a golden tint when under the sun, it was custom-made especially for Malfoy and his bride (in place of the white robes). Grabbing it from Goyle's hands, he draped it over the long-sleeved, ebony satin dress robe he was currently donning. He then proceeded to slip on his now cleaned leather shoes.

After wearing them, he began to carefully groom his platinum-blond hair, slicking it back most aristocratically (no surprise there). Then, he adorned his hands with huge, golden rings with the Malfoy crest engraved on it. When he was finished, he applied some expensive cologne onto himself and stood there, admiring his looks in front of the mirror from various angles.

"You look wonderful, Master Draco. Your bride will be charmed, I'm sure," the mirror eerily spoke.

"I don't care about her. I'm just looking good because-well, I always look good. Isn't that so, Crabbe, Goyle?" 

The two pigs nodded in assent, both trying to hide the Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans they just popped into their mouths.

Thirty minutes later, Draco decided he was done admiring himself, and went over to his trunk. Opening it, he reached inside for a small, mahogany box. Sighing with disappointment, he opened it to reveal an expertly crafted platinum ring embedded with a single, enormous glinting diamond. On the inside of the ring was an inscription engraved in pure gold that read HERMIONE. 

"Crabbe, Goyle. This is the wedding ring. I trust you'll use the brain in your head as opposed to the usual air in there so as to not lose it within the next hour? Because I'll be needing it then," Draco told them, then flung the ring worthlessly at them.

"You made this ring just for her?" asked Goyle, surprised.

"No, you dim-wit. It's the Malfoy family wedding ring passed down from one Malfoy heir to the next when their time came to present it to their wife. Unfortunately, as you know, this is my time. And the gold inscription is enchanted to engrave the name of the current Malfoy bride. It really should've read PANSY," Malfoy explained grimly.

Crabbe and Goyle still stared at the ring in fascination and awe. It was truly exquisitely beautiful, and in their limited opinions, much too beautiful to be given to a Mudblood.

"Well, c'mon, we're already fashionably late as it is. I think the guests have already arrived. I'm needed at the altar. Get up you fools!" Malfoy barked, and the three of them soon exited his bedchambers.

**

"Hermione, all the guests are here! Malfoy's been at the altar for nearly an hour now…we have to go."

"Stop worrying, Gin, I'm almost done. Just this one necklace," Hermione told her friend.

"Don't pretend, I know you've been stalling as much as you could. But this can't wait. Might as well get it over with."

"Easy for you to say, Gin. You're not about to go on a honeymoon with him afterwards!"

Ginny looked thoughtful. "True."

Just then, the door to Hermione's room burst opened and Narcissa angrily stormed in. 

"Whatever are you two doing? Voldemort and the guests have been waiting nearly an hour out there! It's a small, simple wedding, it shouldn't take you this long!" the elder woman agonized.

"We're almost done," Hermione said.

"You better be. Snape is waiting for you in the foyer. I expect you down there in five minutes. I repeat FIVE MINUTES. Come with me, Red, I need some help down stairs," commanded Narcissa.

Ginny gave Hermione a reassuring pat on the back. "See you at the altar!" she said, before following Narcissa out of the room.

Alone, Hermione stared at her reflection in the mirror. She had always wanted to get married in a Muggle wedding dress like her mother, but of course, this was not an option here. So, instead, she was now wearing a long, flowing white gown made of silk, chiffon, and some other magical fiber, so that it could be enchanted to glow slightly. Golden unicorn hair was threaded at the hems of the dress and sleeves as well. Covering her back was a lengthy cloak similar to that of Draco's, though hers was custom-designed to suit her feminine body. On her feet were a pair of delicate glass slippers that Narcissa had worn on her wedding day. As for her characteristic bushy hair, Madame Pristine had spent two hours earlier taming it, and presently it was sleek and only slightly curled at the ends. They decided to let most of her hair loose and graceful, but tying up a bit of the upper half, so as to better show the gleaming silver tiara ornamented on her head. Madame Pristine also studded Hermione's hair with little glinting crystals here and there, and together they created an almost angelic effect. On her face, slight magical make-up decorated it- not much, but just enough to highlight her features and make them shine up a bit. Finally, completing her look, a golden necklace hung around her neck, and sapphire rings adorned her fingers. Truthfully, Hermione had to admit that she was the most beautiful she had ever been in her life, and was sorry that it had to happen when she was marrying the beast Malfoy as opposed to her long-time love, Ron Weasley. 

"You look utterly beautiful, dear. Elegant and ravishing. Like a princess. I daresay your husband will be charmed," the mirror in front of Hermione complimented.

"That's highly doubtful," she muttered wryly. If there was anything she never wanted more, it was this. But she had no choice. It was marriage or certain death.

After ten minutes- she didn't care that she wasn't meeting Narcissa's deadline- she finally left her room and made her way towards the foyer. Upon reaching the top of the stair case, she couldn't help but notice the exquisite decorations that had been enchanted for this occasion. Flowers of all sorts decorated the railing and walls. Through the large window overlooking the gardens, she saw that it was even more magnificent outside, where an altar had been set up and the ceremony was to take place. Long, white pews for guests also lined the lawn on two sides, leaving an aisle in the center. Around them were white tables with all sorts of food and refreshments, including a fairly large wedding cake with a figurines of Draco and Hermione on top, dancing serenely with one another. A simple enough wedding, with a touch of Malfoy extravagance. It was hard to believe all of this was Voldemort's idea. Who would've thought? 

Giving another loud sigh, Hermione tore her eyes away from the large windows and headed down the grand staircase to the foyer where Snape was waiting for her. He paced about grumpily, decked in simple dark blue dress robes. His greasy black hair that usually drooped about his face had been gelled back somewhat (thank god) though not slicked back the way Malfoy's hair was. Picking up the bouquet of flowers awaiting her at a table in the foyer and clutching it tightly, she slowly approached him.

"I'm glad you've decided to join us after all," he remarked when he saw her.

"Never in my dreams did I ever think I'd be given away by you, Professor," she told him.

"The same goes for me and my nightmares," Snape replied. "And I do think it's about time you stopped calling me Professor," he added.

"Sure. Should I call you Father then? It'll seem more real you know."

Snape looked absolutely revolted. "Your sardonic sense of humor comes out at the best of times, doesn't it? But if it makes you hurry up, then by all means, do so."

Hermione grinned gingerly, before looking uncertain again. After five more minutes, she still hadn't budged from her spot.

Snape clicked his soles impatiently. "Well? What are you waiting for, the sky to fall?"

"No." Hermione breathed in and out nervously. In a few minutes, she and Malfoy, her worst enemy, would be married. "This is a nightmare and I will wake up."

"Oh, glory, not again. But go ahead, now, don't mind me, pinch yourself all you want. Make sure you're not dreaming. Here I'll even help," Snape said, then reached out and pinched her arm. Hard.

"Ow!" she cried in sudden pain.

"There. You're awake. Can we go now?"

"Prof-Severus, I'm…nervous. I hate him. And the thought of marrying him is making me sick. What if I puke all over the altar?"

"Don't be silly, Hermione," he told her.

Hermione looked up at him, surprised. He had never called her by her first name. 

Snape shifted uneasily. "Look, I can imagine how awful you must feel…but it could be for the best. You might learn much needed useful information and you know that. If there's anyone who could work it to our benefit, it's you."

Hermione took one last deep breath. She did know that. 

"And if it makes you feel any better, I think you look beautiful and I reckon your vile husband will think so too," Snape added uncomfortably, looking away. "Of course, I never said that."

Hermione smiled at him knowingly. "No, you never did. This conversation never took place."

He returned a hesitant smile before gesturing towards the door.

"Alright, I think I'm ready. C'mon Papa Severus, let's go."

"I'll ignore that," Snape gruffly mumbled.

And with that she linked her right arm with his left, and together, they walked out of the Manor towards the gardens where everyone awaited them. 

**

Draco was beyond annoyed. What the hell was taking Granger so long? He wanted to get this over and done with as speedily as possible. 

Standing in front of the altar he looked nervously about the small group of guests that had been invited. On his side of the pews were his parents and cousins, the Notts, the Pettigrews (yes, Scabbers is a married rodent of man now), the Bulstrodes (save for Millicent), the Crabbes and Goyles (minus Crabbe and Goyle, who were standing behind Draco as best men), the Baddocks, and finally the Parkinsons. Currently, Pansy was bawling her eyes out at the fact that she was attending her ex- fiancé's wedding. Draco looked at her sympathetically. Up until two weeks ago, they had been engaged. He wasn't sure if he loved her, to be perfectly honest, but he didn't mind marrying her. 

__

Poor Pansy, he thought. _After this whole charade's over, I'll make you happy Pansy, you just wait…_

Passing time, Draco ventured a glance towards the other side of garden, where Hermione's guests would be seated. Of course, the pews were practically empty. Ginny, Hermione's bridesmaid, was already standing around the altar, and Seamus Finnigan-who was allowed to take a quick break from butler duties in order to attend the ceremony- was the only one sitting on a bench. Well, Seamus and another hooded figure who he didn't recognize. 

Glancing towards the far side of the lawn, Malfoy saw the classical wizard band that they had hired in for the occasion. He saw that they, too, were more than eager to start. 

"Where is bridy?"

Draco was snapped out of his thoughts by his father's strange voice. 

__

Bridy?

He looked over at his old man and saw that something about him was out of place. Lucius seemed a little dazed, and though he had asked his son a question, his eyes were wandering wildly around the place. 

"Bridy? Do you mean bride-Hermione? I don't know. Are you alright, Father?"

"Fine, fine. Just didn't know there were so many of them."

"So many of what?"

"Pixies."

Draco stared. There wasn't a single pixie in sight. "Erm- there aren't any pixies, Father," he said, baffled.

"No? Oh, my mistake, they're flying elves."

Draco shot a worried glance at his mother, who immediately walked up to them. 

"Something's wrong with Father. He's hallucinating," Draco informed his mother.

"What? Lucius, what do you see?" Narcissa asked her husband.

"Stars. And I only thought they came out at night!" exclaimed the elder Malfoy.

Narcissa blanched. Of all days, her husband chose today to go nutters. Taking his arm, she led him back to his seat on the bench-with him still amazed that stars and flying elves were floating above them- and prayed silently for the ceremony to pass as fast as wizardly possible.

Behind the altar, Voldemort stood, high and erect, grinning like a loon. He seemed proud and enthusiastic- very much the way he did after he won that last battle against the Light side. Draco narrowed his eyes at the dark wizard. What _was_ it that he wanted with him and Hermione?

Draco began to get absorbed in this thought when someone suddenly shouted "Here comes the bride!" and the musicians instantly began playing the 'Wedding March'. 

__

About ruddy time. Senseless Mudblood, kept us all waiting like insignificant idiots, why I'll get her for this…

Draco Malfoy whipped his head towards the aisle to see two figures strolling pleasantly towards it. As they neared, his jaw visibly fell to the ground and every part of his body froze in shock.

Upon him, walking down the aisle, was the face of the most beautiful witch he ever saw. Okay, _one_ of the most beautiful, but still.

__

Holy Voldywarts, what did they do to her? She's absolutely…wow…gorgeous…wow…it can't be Granger, it can't be…wow…wow…no! Stop, it's just Granger…yes, but wow…ok this is enough…

**

As she steadily treaded down the aisle, Hermione saw the enthralled look on Malfoy's face at the altar as he looked her up and down and couldn't help but inwardly smirk. So, she wasn't just another filthy Mudblood now, eh? He found her attractive, huh? Well too bad he won't be able to-

"Oof!"

Hermione tripped on the hem of her dress and stumbled down, pulling Papa Severus down with her. Luckily, he was strong enough to hold his own and catch her before she fell flat on her face and made a fool out of the both of them in front of the Death Eaters.

"Careful!" Snape snarled embarrassingly at her.

Hermione felt her face flush and chided herself in her head for making such a silly blunder. Looking up, she saw that Malfoy had already averted his eyes from her and a quick glance towards his right showed Narcissa looking absolutely mortified.

__

Well, it's not like I asked to be a Malfoy…

After a couple of minutes more, she reached the altar. Snape let go of her and joined Seamus and the mysterious figure on the bench, while Draco took his place beside Hermione. Together, the pair unwillingly stepped forward towards Voldemort, who looked ecstatic.

After a moment of beaming at the couple, Voldemort began. "Fellow respected Death Eaters and their subordinates. We are gathered here today to witness the union of a most unlikely yet magnificent pair. There are no need for much formalities as I have taken upon myself to see that there are no better matches for these two than each other ('Nooo' moaned Pansy softly in tears). However, if there is anyone out there who believes that these two should not wed for whatever reason imaginable (Hermione and Draco both snorted here), speak now and perish at my hands or forever hold your peace."

Voldemort paused and looked expectantly at the crowd. Of course, no one would speak, not even Pansy dared.

"Brilliant. Now, it is time to exchange your marriage vows. The rings, please."

Ginny handed Hermione a simple gold wedding band, courtesy of Narcissa Malfoy, as usual, for her to give to Draco when the moment came. 

Draco stood and waited for either Crabbe or Goyle to hand him the ring. They did nothing.

"Oy, fools, the ring!" he finally barked at them, exasperated.

Realizing their duties, Crabbe dutifully reached inside his robes for the wedding band and handed it over to Draco, who then stepped forwards and took Hermione's hand. 

"Now, for your vows."

Draco gulped and crossed his fingers. 

"Do you, Draco Lucius Octavius Augustus Constantine Caesar Arthur Xavier Malfoy take this woman, Hermione Elizabeth Ann Granger to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, to honor and respect, to cherish and protect, and be magically bound to her in the name of marriage, until Harry Pott- oops, pardon me, I mean, until you both shall live?"

Silence. 

Voldemort waited. 

And waited. 

And waited. 

One of the guests on the pews yawned.

More silence.

Voldemort coughed.

"Hmm? Well? Young Malfoy?"

"I do," Draco finally uttered in chagrin. At his words, Pansy Parkinson burst into even louder, wailing sobs. 

"Wonderful. Please slip the ring on her finger." 

Very reluctantly, Draco complied. Hermione stared astonished at the beauty of her ring as Draco slipped it on her index finger.

Voldemort then turned towards her. "Do you, Hermione Elizabeth Ann Granger, take Draco Lucius Octavius Augustus Constantine Caesar Arthur Xavier Malfoy to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, to honor and respect, to cherish and protect, and be magically bound to him under the name of marriage, until you both shall live?"

Again, silence.

Hermione glared darkly at Draco Malfoy. Oh, how she loathed him so.

__

You are all I never wanted, she thought glumly.

From Hermione's death glare, Draco could tell what she was thinking. She loathed his very presence and this very abominable moment. 

__

The feeling's mutual, he thought back.

"Ahem. Miss Granger?" Voldemort asked, now growing impatient. Why couldn't she just say the damn word and be done with this?

Still silence. 

Voldemort cleared his throat. "Miss Granger?"

Hermione closed her eyes and exhaled. "I do."

The Dark Lord's smile brightened. "Brilliant. You may slip the ring on Draco's finger."

Reluctantly as well, Hermione slipped the plain gold ring on Draco's index finger.

"And now I pronounce you man and wife! You may kiss the bride!" Voldemort cheerfully and excitedly announced.

Hermione and Draco gaped at each other in horror. They had entirely forgotten about this stage of the ceremony!

__

Nooooo! they thought simultaneously. 

After a long moment of awkwardness, Hermione finally whispered to him, "Make it quick, you prat, so we can be done."

He responded by saying, "Only if your breath doesn't make me gag, Mudblood."

"Well?" Voldemort was looking expectantly at them again. "You don't think this is optional, do you?" *

Groaning, the couple inched closer towards each other and Draco leaned down to kiss his bride. In a jolt, his lips pressed hard against hers and their marriage was successfully initiated. As fast as his lips touched hers, he lifted it away, breathing in disgust. 

"Here, here! Cheers for the newlyweds!" ordered Voldemort from behind them.

Hesitantly, the guests began clapping and cheering monotonously, before hoarding towards the buffet tables for food. 

Hermione and Draco stood rooted in their spot, unsure of what to do next. Voldemort draped his arms around both of them, as though they had been chums for life.

"Well, congratulations, you two, my job here is done for the moment. I will be off now, another pressing engagement to attend. But you will find that all the necessary arrangements concerning your honeymoon have already been made. Enjoy your trip! Ta ta!" Then, with a pop, Voldemort vanished. 

After that, Narcissa, pulling Lucius, came towards them.

"Well congratulations, you've both made it out alive. The reception's starting now, but I'll give you both a choice. After cutting the wedding cake, you can choose to stay and try to enjoy yourselves, or you can immediately embark on your honeymoon. Voldemort has planned everything, and a flying carriage is awaiting you near the front gate. Details on your destination are inside the carriage," Narcissa informed them.

Lucius stood still, smiling weirdly. "Frothberg shmooth," he happily told Draco. 

"What's wrong with him, Mother?" Draco asked, eyeing his Father carefully.

"Merlin knows. Just began speaking gibberish a few minutes ago. Maybe it's the stress, I'll have Severus take a look at him afterwards. Well anyway, what do you say?"

Draco and Hermione looked at each other. 

"The honeymoon," they both replied in unison.

"Good choice. Let's go cut the cake now."

Together they all made their way towards the fairly large, five-layer cake, when a hand reached out to halt Hermione. Stopping, she whirled around to see Seamus, Ginny, and the hooded figure seated on the pew alongside Seamus. 

"Congratulations, Hermione," the figure spoke, revealing the fact that she was female.

"Thank you. But, who are you?"

Slowly, the figure pulled down her hood to reveal her aged, creasing face and gray hair. "Forgotten me already, have you?"

"PROFESSOR MCGONAGALL!!"

"Hello, Hermione," her former Transfiguration professor greeted.

"How? I don't understand, I thought-"

"Voldemort invited me. Would you believe that! Thought it appropriate if some motherly figure were to be at your wedding. Wrenched me from my slaving duties down at his cellars just so I could be here." Professor McGonagall then lifted her hands to Hermione's face to show that it was bounded together by magical ropes. 

"Oh, Professor, I'm sorry!" With that, Hermione pulled her old teacher into a tight hug, plain glad to see a trusting familiar face after so long.

"Don't be, Miss Granger- I will never call you by your scum of a husband's last name- but it is life during these dark times. Well, I don't have long. I'm to automatically Disapparate back to my cellar in a few minutes. But I just wanted to tell you to take care of yourself. We don't know what Voldemort is up to- I fear for your safety."

"I will take care, Professor, don't you worry. I'll kill Malfoy before he even touches me," Hermione declared.

"Good. I must leave now. You take care too, Mr. Finnigan and Miss Weasley. And look after Snape, for me, will you? Until we meet again. Long live the Alliance." After that, she was gone in a puff.

Tears began to sting in Hermione's eyes as a feeling nostalgia floated around inside her. 

Seeing this, Seamus and Ginny drew her in for a group hug. 

"It'll be okay, we'll make it out of this victorious," Seamus tried to reassure them.

"Yes, we will, won't we Hermione?" Ginny put in.

Hermione nodded, though she wasn't entirely sure. 

"Hurry up, wife, we haven't got all day!" came the aggravated shout of Draco Malfoy from behind the wedding cake, spoiling their sentimental moment. 

"I guess you oughta go now. I have to get back to my duties, anyway," Seamus said.

"Same here," agreed Ginny. "Have a safe trip, Hermione, and don't let Malfoy get to you! Remember, we need him!"

With that, her two friends went bustling about their business before Narcissa caught them slacking off on their duties. Sighing-she seemed to be doing a lot of that today- she continued on her way towards the cake.

"Finally, woman, you sure take your time," grumbled Malfoy. Hermione noted that he no longer called her Granger, but 'wife' then 'woman'. Interesting.

Narcissa handed them a long knife. 

"Lovely guests! Now's the time for the bride and groom to cut their cake!" Narcissa announced.

Soon, a small crowd gathered around Draco and Hermione. Slowly, they both placed their hands on the knife and cut through their first slice. Everybody clapped customarily.

Narcissa then enchanted the knife so that it began to cut the other slices by itself, so that the guests may have their share.

"Now, I regret to inform you that the bride and groom will be leaving for their surprise honeymoon now!" Narcissa announced some more.

However, nobody seemed to care, and kept on gobbling down their cakes.

"As I said, the bride and groom will be leaving now, and the bride will also be throwing her bouquet!"

That caught some attention. Pansy Parkinson rushed forward instantly.

"It's mine!" she growled.

"Good, have it!" Hermione growled back and threw her bouquet at Pansy. It hit the other girl smack in the face.

"Ow!"

"Pansy!" cried Draco. "Are you okay?" he asked, rushing to his former fiancée.

"Who cares," snarled Hermione. When Malfoy didn't budge, she yanked his arm and began dragging him away from the gardens, turning round the house towards the front gate.

"Slow down! Easy, witch!"

__

So now its 'wife', 'woman,' and 'witch' instead of 'Granger'…

Hermione, however, refused to stop, and stomped harder towards the carriage. She wanted to get out of this place as fast as she could, even if it meant going with Malfoy alone. She didn't care what anyone said. If he turned out to be too big of a pain to handle, she'd just exterminate him.

**

Voldemort appeared once more into that dark, cold chamber.

His favorite Seer of the moment immediately greeted him.

"Welcome back, Lord. I trust they are successfully married?" she asked.

"Yes. They should be on their honeymoon shortly."

"That was such a brilliant idea, my Lord. First marriage, then honeymoon."

"All ideas that you foresaw, were they not?"

The Seer gave a dewy smile. "Why, of course, your Grace."

"Amazingly, I trust your Sight. This plan had better work."

"It will, sire, it definitely will. They _will_ fall in love, and you will be eternally invincible."

**

Upon reaching the flying carriage, all courtesy of Voldemort, Hermione and Draco heard Narcissa running after them.

"I just wanted to say a little farewell before you left," she said, once she neared them.

"This will be the worst trip ever, Mother," Draco bluntly stated.

"Perhaps, but do try to get better acquainted, alright? Who knows how long you two will remain married, and I don't want any homicidal thoughts between the two of you now, do you hear?"

The two nodded solemnly.

"Right. Your luggage have already been loaded into the carriage, and I believe your destination is in an envelope on the seat inside."

Hermione opened the carriage door and peered in. Sure enough, a white envelope was lying on the cushion. She deftly picked it up and brought it out. Tearing it open, a small piece of parchment dropped out, with words written on it in Middle-English calligraphy.

"Well? Where are we going?" demanded Draco.

With the parchment in hand, Hermione started reading it.

" 'Congratulations! The great Lord Voldemort has awarded his most promising newlyweds, Mr. and Mrs. Draco Malfoy, an all-expense paid, two-week honeymoon at one of Europe's finest and most mysterious castles in the heart of…' " Hermione's voice caught and she trailed off.

Narcissa and Draco watched as Hermione's eyes bulged in terror and stupefaction.

"What? What is it? Where are we going??" Draco demanded anxiously.

Hermione looked up at him with a horror-stricken face.

"TRANSYLVANIA!"

**

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A/N: Ahhh, this chap was _much_ better when I was planning it in my head. *frowns* In any case, it has taken me forever to complete. I realize it got a bit dry around the wedding and afterwards (actually in so many parts, I think), and some parts seem kind of silly, and I apologize profusely for that. I mean, that's kinda what happens to me when I write really long chapters such as this one. So now I feel totally bummed that I've let you guys down. Boo. Anyway, I hope you managed to enjoy it somewhat…did you? I was trying to incorporate in a lot of things at once here in this chap…like Snape's first revenge (which I promised for last chap but didn't get around to)…which wasn't as horrible as I'd like, so he'll get a bigger revenge next time…as well as more clues as to why Voldie wants Draco and Hermione to marry. 

Anyway, how was it, overall? Liked it? Hated it? You know what to do! **Review**!!!! And please do, I've gotten this far because of them! A lot of you have given me great ideas, I welcome them all! So if you got any ideas, do let me know in your **reviews**, yeah?

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Teasers for next chap: 

Warning: Madness makes a full return in the next chap.

Also many cameos coming up. Including…a certain eternal resident of Transylvania…who oh who could I be possibly talking about? In addition, a brief appearance will be made by our favorite Gryffindor hero…yes, _he_ finally makes his entrance into this story in the next chap (though that's just the beginning)! Oh, and Hermione is about to scare Draco badly…real badly…stay tuned to find out what the hell I am talking about.

* thanks again, Phoenix Flight! :D:D

That's it for now!

Peace!

~ smashing sugar ~


	6. Confessions of a ThreeTime Criminal

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A/N: Hey, I'm back again! So terribly sorry this took so long to get posted, but ff.net removed by other fic TPW because the summary apparently was not G rated or something and thus I made a violation blah blah despite the fact that the fic has been up ever since January. Whatever. Well anyway, I was restricted from uploading anything until tonight, so yeah, bummers. But anyway, here I am with chappie 6.

And before I continue, I simply have to thank my wonderful reviewers for helping me pass the 100 review mark!!! YAYYYYY! WHOOOPEEE! THANK YOU SO MUCH YOU GUYS!!!!!!!!! *beams* *screams* *beams some more*

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some1: first and foremost, I must thank you for expressing your concern over TPW…I honestly didn't feel like anybody cared about that story anymore! Well in any case, I appreciated it and you made me a very happy person for that :D *hugs* Now, as I mentioned above, it was gone because ff.net removed it because they claimed my summary was not G rated though its funny because the fic has been up for 4 months and they _just_ decided to remove it last week and it wasn't like I was describing a sex scene in the summary or anything, so I'm assuming the violation was due to the word 'bitch' I used as in 'bitch fight', but last I checked a bitch was a female dog so dear glory me female dogs violate the G rating (sorry about that, I was venting), but the good news is that it is only temporarily gone as I will be re-posting it …bad news is that I won't get to do that until the second week of May when my holiday starts and I'll be re-posting it a chap per day, so it'll be sorta awhile before the new chap (chap 8) comes out, so you'll just have to wait a tidbit longer, sorry about that- but don't blame me fully, I hadn't even realized I was violating anything, I mean ff didn't even give me a warning or anything, god. But I suppose they had to follow their guidelines, no? So in my new summary I'll say 'cat fight' instead, since everyone agrees cats don't violate G ratings. Again, sorry about my slightly negative attitude, I'm just having a cow because I'm one of those ppl who barely breaks school rules and the next thing I know I'm under restrictions for a violation and because of that my story that I worked so hard on is gone along with its beautiful reviews *sobs*…I suppose I deserve it but still, I'm peeved…anywho, I hope this one will keep you entertained for a bit…I'm sorry you have to wait quite awhile until the next chap of TPW comes out…please don't hate me, and please don't-uh-kill me. *smiles sweetly*

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Cecelia: I'm very happy to have your review…at first I thought you weren't gonna review the last chappie! But I'm glad you finally did (and I hope your family probs are solved or getting better :) ). Anyway, wow you actually counted the days! *hides face in shame* yes, its been awhile…but now you know why, stupid ff infractions! Um, I haven't thought about any other creatures of the night…D+Hr won't be spending more than 2 chaps in Transylvania I'll tell you that now, so can't put in a lot of stuff…but you know what? Since you are one of my dedicated reviewers, I'm going to grant you your wish…which means that in the next chap (I'd already written this one by the time you reviewed), your "guy" will indeed be making a cameo! As for why Voldie wants them wed…well, me being the 'horrid tease' that I am, the reason will have to gradually unfold…hehe…but you're kinda on the right track on the part about Harry…Harry will be quite involved in this story later on, so keep a lookout for that! Thanks a bunch for your reviews! :D

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storyteller: it's been awhile, so I hope you haven't died…heheh…hope this chap is to your satisfaction! (dunno why I'm being so formal)

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Arisu, Krissy, sara, Jennifer, Harrys girl228: thank you, glad you enjoyed it! I'll be updating… eventually… hehe

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Janice: yup, deadly vamps! Though, I don't know how big of a part they will play in the overall story…

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MiChA: thanks! And I will finish this, no worries there, and updates will come sooner once I'm done with finals…and about your fic, I've read it and I think its coming along quite goodly :), I mean the whole idea of the gods doing this is funny and well, plausible to me…but I guess it doesn't help much that I can't review, huh? I'll make it a point to review your fic at school (my comp won't load javascript so can't review at home :( ). 

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Madame Plot Bunnie: Yes, we do! Eventually, that is…hehe. Oh and your little idea was quite ingenious, and I hope you don't mind, but I've sort of borrowed it a bit and mentioned something along the lines of that in this chap…you'll see it soon…thanks a lot for that, it really cracked me up, I hope you don't mind! You'll be credited, of course, and again, thank you! Keep reviewing!

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Dreaming One: I cracked up writing that line as well! Well, there's a reason behind why he wants them to fall in love (clue about that is in chap 4), and Harry will definitely be involved later on, but I'm really glad you liked the idea anyway! You're right, Voldie will be successful! It's great that you liked McGonagall in there…I thought Hermione needed it…oh and by the way, just thought I'd let you know that I've been reading your story Heart of Ice at fictionalley and I think it's brilliant! My inability to review thanks to comp has kept me from saying that, but was I ever so glad to see that you reviewed my story! Anyways, do update that one fast, alright? (btw, this is old news, but I loved the part when you wrote about Hr's "motherly nature"…I got a good laugh out of that ;) )

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Poppy: ok, so it took me ages to update…and will take another ages, but please bear with me! I'm ecstatic chap 5 is your favorite (except for your pet hate group hugs, which I think is a Gryffindor thing to do hehe)…I thought I was going a bit dry there, but anyway, hope you continue to like this!

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starryeyed347: haha I made Lucius soooo OOC with the pixies…who knows, it might happen again?

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agnessa: yikes! The real Transylvanian! Uh oh…I might be in for some trouble then, I mean I've only seen the brochures…never actually been there myself…LOL…in any case, more of Transylvania will be described in the next chap, not this one, but I hope I've done a believable enough job. You're welcome to guess the identity of the Seer (I've already had a couple of correct guesses, but it would be best if you'd wait and see)…and well, she's his fave because he thinks she's seen his dreams come true…

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Crystalline Lily: Unromantic, true, but in this world of madness, it's the best spot there is :P. No, she's not a Death Eater, but she's offered her services to him, so she gets some privileges. Thankfully, she has enough brains not to predict death at the moment…imagine what it'd be like if she told Voldemort she has foreseen his death? Haha

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Lily of the Shadow: Hey, dunno if this is as funny as you thought it'd be, but hope you like it anyway! 

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mikala: yeah, I realize that Voldemort is sort of OOC…but I think I've kept his essential traits (evil, cunning, sniveling bastard) from the books…just that he's gone mad, so, yeah he's weird!

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Phoenix Flight: Thanks for having great ideas for me to use! :P true, Voldypoo is quite cheery, but to me more of happily evil!Voldemort haha. This chap isn't as long as the previous one, but hope you still like this just as much! (And no need to thank me for updating…it's my duty and pleasure!)

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Babu4490: I definitely will!

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Darkness Eternal: you did? THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH!! I'm very honored you made me one of your fave authors! *hugs excitedly*

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Draco Lover: yup, of all the places…I'll try to keep my stories relatively around the same length…glad you liked it!

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AoiiChan: Thanks so much…my fic's sort of a crazy, humorous spin-off to a potentially dark situation…glad you liked it :) Somehow, I manage to have them arguing in every chap…quite a bit of that in this one, lookout for it!

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MIforever: your suspicion is very well-founded…ahem…hint…;)

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RaistlinofMetallica: hahaha your review was hilarious! Got me laughing _my_ ass off as well!

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dracoJAE: ahh no hexing please! I know I deserve it for taking so long, but please, spare me! Anywho, Voldie is quite a lot off his rocker it seems…and yup, Draco showing signs! More signs to come, I believe (yay!) and I'm glad your mom wasn't around! Lol. By the way, have you been starting all these new fics? Cuz you haven't updated ICDfY! Hmpf! In any case, thanks for your reviews!

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porkypop: romance coming soon, promise! Not yet, but in a few chappies…wait around okie? Thanks!

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Frankie: mwuahaha…be afraid…be very afraid! (Ok, I'm such a lameass for saying that. Excuse my late night brain, it seems to have malfunctioned yet again). Well if it scares you when you really want to know what's gonna happen…I'm gonna have to keep scaring you now, won't I? *evil grin*

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'div: thanks! Unfortunately, no answers in this chap *banana peel misses face by a millimeter* but will come, they will! Just keep reading on! The Seer's not quite fake (though she's been known to have a horrible reputation as a Seer *hint*)…but to clear things up for you, part of the plan is for Draco and Hermione to fall in love…but as to why, well, keep reading this story!

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Rumidha: Yes, in fact, it'll be bumped into an R rating around chapter 8 (guess why), just to be safe…but I'll mention it in the author's note…don't think I will change the rating officially, since only a few chaps will be R (but then again, maybe I will, now that I'm paranoid I'm going to break another freakin violation).

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Esperanza: you would?! Don't think I would though…too cute to be stabbed! Hahahaha. Plus, Hermione would kill me…I know for a fact she doesn't want me harming her hubby…hehe lol.

There you go! I hope that's all of you who reviewed last time…tell me if I missed out anyone, yeah? You guys are the best!!!

As always, a thank you to my beta **Erin** for her encouraging comments :)

So now, here it is…don't forget to read the Author's Note at the end of this chap, a couple really important ones! Enjoy!

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Chapter 6: Confessions of a Three-Time Criminal

"Quit snoring."

"I am _not_ snoring. I'm not even sleeping."

"Then it must be the sound of your breathing. Stop it."

"Damn you."

That was the tenth time within the past fifteen minutes ever since they had both woken up from their naps that Hermione had cursed Draco. Though they were high in the air on the flying carriage bound for their honeymoon, Draco hadn't stop being a git and had done all he could to be a pain in the buttocks. 

__

No surprise there, thought Hermione bitterly.

Presently, the two newlyweds were sitting facing each other inside the roomy flying carriage that was conveniently invisible to the Muggle eye, bound for the deep, dark, terrifying land of Transylvania. They passed the next ten minutes in utter silence when Hermione saw Draco open his mouth from the corner of her eye. Figuring he would try to be a pain yet again, she decided to speak first.

"You know, Malfoy, when we get there, you should owl your pitiful boss and tell him he needs to re-evaluate his romance IQ. If he thinks Transylvania is a bloody wicked place for a honeymoon, then apparently he has none," Hermione spoke wryly.

"He is not my _boss_," Draco replied, eyes irritated. "He is my _Lord_. And besides, Transylvania just got ranked number eight on Witch's Weekly's Top Ten Kinkiest Honeymoon Destinations in the Wizarding Europe. Latest issue."

"Figures. I bet it's because your bloody _Lord_ owns Witch's Weekly now. Of course, I should have expected him to find the idea of blood-sucking vampires and howling werewolves very entertaining."

"You've obviously never been to Transylvania, have you? It's not at all like what those imbecilic Muggle authors portray it to be. It's a rather nice place, mind you, and vampires are rather tolerable creatures…if your pocketbooks are larger than your necks, at least," explained Draco carelessly to Hermione. He didn't seem disturbed at all by their destination.

Hermione should have known her husband would be unperturbed. After all, he was the embodiment of _eville_.

At that moment, the carriage shook a bit in the air, and began descending down. 

"What? We're there already?" asked Hermione, very surprised. 

"Of course we're there. We've been flying all afternoon. You, of course, spent it napping," Malfoy remarked in a knowing tone as the carriage finally landed and made a halt.

"So did you. But I see my characteristic know-it-all demeanor has quite rubbed off on you," Hermione added, hoping to anger her husband.

Draco chose to ignore her comment, and instead burst open the door and stepped out. The carriage had landed at the very end of an ancient-looking, but sturdy wooden bridge. It extended across a moat that circled an enormous medieval stone castle. Both Draco and Hermione looked up in awe at the huge pillars of the castle which was frighteningly silhouetted against the pale, darkening evening sky. Behind the highest tower, the moon was already beginning to appear, and Hermione could hear the faraway howls of wolves and the unmistakable fluttering of bat wings. 

Never mind that she was friends with a werewolf and had done essays on vampires. The sight before her, coupled with the eerie, mournful, booming organ music gave her the utmost creeps.

__

Organ music?! Okay, so that was her own imagination and there was no organ music, but still. Everything seemed…freaky.

"I hope this isn't the Transylvanian version of the Holiday Inn," Hermione muttered woefully, still staring at the huge structure before her.

Draco gave a short laugh. "Of course it isn't. But no worries, I'm pretty sure I know what this place is. And just fitting too, I couldn't be more honored to be staying here. The Dark Lord has classy taste indeed," Draco stated with a slight hint of pride.

Pride? Was he mad? It was common knowledge that the Malfoys wouldn't settle for anything less than posh and luxurious, but the sight in front of her seemed anything but. 

"Honored? Classy? Malfoy-" Hermione began, but Draco had already unloaded their luggage and dismissed the carriage. 

Being the perfect gentleman that he wasn't, at least not to his wife, he picked up his own trunk, cast a lightweight spell on it, and began crossing the bridge.

Grunting, Hermione had to heave her own trunk-made heavier by Narcissa's generous gifts of new clothing- and follow Draco across the bridge.

On the other end, thick, oak double doors fifteen feet high greeted them. Before Draco could even reach out to knock, a small slot in the door slightly below Draco's head level slid opened, revealing a pair of aging, pale yellow eyes. Hermione gulped.

"Vhat bizziness haff you heer?" the owner of the eyes hissed, glaring dangerously from Draco to Hermione.

"I am Draco Malfoy, finance advisor and public spokesperson to the Great Lord Voldemort. Newly promoted," he added, smirking.

Hermione snorted.

The pale eyes did not stop glaring and darting. "And?" he hissed further. 

"I am supposed to be here on my honeymoon, arranged by the great Lord himself. Surely, my name must be on tonight's guest list?"

"Vait heer," the voice replied, abruptly shutting the slot. A second later, the door burst open, revealing a very skinny, wrinkling figure, obviously the owner of the eyes.

"Do come in, Master Malfoy, ze esteemed Count has indeed been expecting you and your vife," the figure said, casting a glance towards Hermione, and gesturing them both in.

"My name is Dimitri, and I am ze head butler here. Leave your baggage, ze servants vill deliver them to your room. For now, my massterrr asks that you join him for supperrr in the dining hall. Do follow me," Dimitri said, and led Hermione and Draco away towards the dining hall.

To her amazement, Hermione found that the castle was decorated quite lavishly inside. Though the candles were dimly lit, she could make out various antiques on display that had no doubt been around for centuries, even possibly millennia. The floors were also carpeted with authentic Persian rugs and elaborate tapestries hung on the walls. Every candle holder that she passed also seemed to be made of pure gold, as well as many of the picture frames aligning the walls.

After a few twists and turns, they finally reached the dining hall, a fairly spacious room with a long dining table that stretched nearly the full length of the room. Hermione was more than pleased to find that she and Draco were not the only guests there, and about eight other couples were also present.

__

They couldn't all be on their honeymoons, could they? Hermione wondered. _Gosh, they must really take Witch's Weekly's rankings to heart._

Just then, Dimitri addressed all the guests loudly, "If you pleeze, dear guezzts, ze Count and hiz Lady vill be arrriving quite shortly. Pleeze take yourr designated placezz at ze table."

Dimitri then lead Hermione and Draco towards the head of the table, where they were to be seated right next to the Count himself. 

Making his way, Draco beamed and smirked proudly, noting the envious glares of the other couples, who were getting into their own seats further down the table.

"I believe we are the guests of honor," he whispered to Hermione, still gloating at his fortune.

"Indeed you very well are, young Master Malfoy," said a sharp, heavy voice from behind them. The pair whirled around to face a deathly pale man in his early forties with slicked-back jet black hair and thick black eyebrows, dressed in an all-black attire save for a long red cape draped on his back. Clutching his arm was a woman of similar age, with straight dark hair down to her waist, dressed in what looked to be a black dress robe. Her skin was also deathly pale, and she had piercing green eyes and blood-red lips. Hermione couldn't help but notice that her red nails were astonishingly sharp.

"We have never met, but my dear old friend Voldemort has told me much about you and your family. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Count Vladimir Dracula, and this is my beautiful wife, Vampira. Welcome to our humble castle."

At his introduction, Count Dracula beamed.

Draco smirked.

And Hermione literally fell to the floor in a fit of uncontrollable, hysterical laughter.

**

"Seamus…do you hear anything?"

"No."

"How come? You've been listening all this time!"

"Because all I'm hearing is your pestering voice! Shhh!"

Ginny grunted and folded her arms. She and Seamus were doing some domestic espionage, trying to find out what was wrong with Lucius Malfoy. Currently, they were skulking outside his bedchambers, where Seamus had his ears pressed against the door, trying to listen in on the conversation being passed between Snape and Narcissa Malfoy in the room.

It was night time already, and Lucius Malfoy still hadn't stopped blabbering in gibberish. It was only ten or so minutes ago that the man completely passed out.

"I really don't know what is wrong with him, Narcissa. I suggest we admit him to St. Mungo's for the night, " came the faint voice of Professor Snape.

"Don't be silly, Severus. Lucius can't risk that exposure. The press might find out, and it might mar his chances for the top spot in this year's Witch's Weekly's Top 50 Successful Dark Wizards Over 50. He's been number one for five years now, and he'll certainly hex us all into next year if we made him lose his winning streak," explained an even fainter voice of Narcissa Malfoy.

On the other side of the door, Ginny continued to badger Seamus on what he was hearing.

"Quiet Gin! They're just talking, deciding what to do-hold up, wait, I reckon Lucius is waking!" Seamus announced and went back to eavesdrop.

Sure enough, Lucius was waking, and the man did not sound pleased.

"Errggh."

"Lucius!" cried Narcissa, rushing over to Lucius's bed. "You're awake! Are you fine now? Say something!"

"Gillsvake," Lucius mumbled, rubbing his eyes.

"Sorry? Lucius, speak up, are you alright now? What did you just say?" Narcissa was praying it wasn't anymore gibberish.

"_Kill Snape_."

There was no mistaking it this time. The threatening malice in Lucius Malfoy's voice was enough to give Seamus goosebumps. Outside the room, he quickly grabbed Ginny's arm and before anything else could happen, fled from the scene. 

**

Draco glared at Hermione. What in the blazes was she thinking? Laughing like a loon in front of Count Dracula!

__

The embarrassment that is my wife, he thought shamefully.

"Er…you have to excuse my wife, sir. We've just been married today, and er…she's still rather-erm…_excited_," Draco tried to explain to the quizzical faces of Dracula and Vampira. He hastily grabbed Hermione's arm and lifted her up off the floor.

"Excited? Ha ha- no, see, here, it's just that -hee hee- I mean, you're Count Dracula! THE Count Dracula! The King of all vampires! Epitome of evil! Hahahahahah!" Hermione spoke rather incoherently between chortles.

By now, all the other guests had gone silent and all eyes were focused on her.

Malfoy wanted to die of mortification. If Dracula kicked them out of the castle tonight, he'd make sure Hermione returned home in a coffin.

"Yes, I am," Dracula replied, eyeing Hermione strangely.

"I apologize, sir Count, it's just that, I always thought you were fictional and well for me to be spending my honeymoon with THE Count Dracula, as his _honored guest_ in fact, is just so ludicrous that it's absolutely hilarious! Hahaha!" Hermione tried to explain, but ended up doubling in laughter.

Dracula and his wife sent each other uncertain glances and Draco elbowed Hermione hard, hoping to make her stop.

At length, Hermione calmed down and composed herself. "I apologize profusely, Count Dracula, it's just that-well, I'm used to reading about you in fictional literature, and it's just amusing to actually be meeting you in the flesh- oh wait, pardon me, you're not alive!"

Before she could dissolve into another fit of laughter, Draco gave her another sharp nudge in the ribs.

Fortunately for Hermione, Dracula was in a rather good mood, and dismissed her odd behavior. "That's quite alright, Mrs. Malfoy, I am accustomed to being identified with the horridly evil Count Dracula (not to say that I am not, of course) in those fictional legends. Brought about by my old friend Bram, no doubt, that silly fool of a human," Dracula said, shaking his head as he walked towards the head of the table.

"And Muggle," added Draco.

"Bram? Do you mean Bram Stoker?" Hermione asked in awe.

"Yes, that was his name, Bram Stoker. A funny old chap, he was. I hired him to write my biography around-hmm, how many years ago was that? A couple hundred?- but he seemed to think my life was uneventful enough. As if. In any case, he fabricated a lot of the stuff in his books, really, like my death, for instance," Dracula clarified. "Well, I must greet the other guests, so do kindly take your positions by the table."

Dracula then settled himself in front of his high chair on Draco and Hermione's end of the table, while his wife strolled towards the other end.

"My dear guests!" he began aloud, attracting everyone's attention. "As much as it is an honor for you to join my wife and I in our lovely castle, it is I who am equally honored to be your host! Please be seated, and may you enjoy your first meal with us!"

The other guests burst into cheers and sat down, with Draco and Hermione doing the same. 

Almost instantly, a flutter of servants emerged with silver trays, quickly setting one before each guest. Once the lids were lifted, Hermione saw that the first dish of the day was soup. A very red type of soup.

"Do not fret, Mrs. Malfoy, that is tomato soup," Dracula said to Hermione, eyes twinkling. He must've seen the look of horror strewn across her face as she stared at her food. "We do realize that most of our guests do not share the same wondrous diet that we do," he added, winking at his wife across the table, who smiled demurely in return.

"Oh-er-of course," she replied, cautiously lifting her spoon to her lips.

"Of course, it contains about ten percent of raven's blood, but that's only so much, nothing to worry about at all," Dracula added, smiling.

Hermione dropped her spoon instantly.

Dracula chuckled. "Quite, alright, Mrs. Malfoy, I was simply joking with you. Four hundred years and that joke still gets everybody," Dracula said most good-naturedly.

Good-natured? Count Dracula? What kind of freak world was she in?

At length, Hermione looked up to see Draco and Dracula (ah, the uncanny similarities in their names) engaged in a conversation about the recent drop in demand of blood lollipops in Wizarding Britain. Turning her head towards the other end of the table, she saw that Vampira was busy recounting the tale of her three hundredth wedding anniversary to a pair of eager couples. 

"This whole vampire business is quite fascinating, if I do say so myself. I'm actually considering metamorphosing into one. You know, Count Dracula's offering a three-step Become-A-Vampire program. Brought my wife here, hoping to convince her as well. What about you, are you interested?" a middle-aged man on Hermione's right inquired happily.

She stared at him, appalled.

It was going to be one long dinner.

**

It was nearly 10 p.m. by the time Hermione and Draco finally retired to their room in the North Tower of the castle. It was a fairly large room with a huge four-poster and a sofa, overlooking the eastern Transylvanian terrain. Momentarily, the windows were opened, and a gust of wind blew in, sending shivers all over Hermione.

"Goosebumps, I see. Lost touch of your oh-so-brave Gryffindor spirit, have you?" commented Draco as he arrogantly marched past Hermione into their room.

"Excuse me? Are you accusing me of being…scared?" Hermione couldn't believe this. How dare he presume-

"Hey, you said it," was her husband's response as he knelt down to unpack his trunk.

Angry, Hermione slammed the door shut and placed her hands on her hip. "I'll have you know, Draco Ferret Malfoy, that I am _not_ scared. I am _cold_. Besides, I am capable of many things that would make your hair curl, so don't even presume to tell me that silly vampires scare me," she declared, though it wasn't exactly accurate.

"Really, now, keep telling yourself that," he told her, busy digging for his pyjamas.

"Stop it Malfoy. You don't want to know what I could do to you," Hermione threatened viciously.

"Oooh, I'm scared, Mummy help me" Draco mocked in a high-pitched tone. "Like you could ever do anything potentially harmful to me, Mudblood. May I remind you that you don't even have your wand anymore."

"You call me Mudblood again and I swear you'll be dead before the end of this night," Hermione menaced. 

"You threaten me again, _Mudblood_, and I vill suck yourrr blood!" Draco replied in a Transylvanian accent before chortling.

"That's it! You're a dead wizard!" Overwhelmed by fury, Hermione lunged at Draco, attempting to wring his neck. 

That made Draco laugh even louder and just before Hermione reached him, he pulled out his wand and shouted "_Petrificus Totalus!_" right in her face.

Hermione froze in position and fell to the floor as the body-binding spell took hold of her.

After a few minutes of guffawing on Malfoy's part, he pointed his wand again at the frozen form of Hermione and shouted "_Finite Incantatem._". 

Hermione wiggled on the floor as she was able to move again.

"You stupid Muggle. You can't hurt me-I've got my wand. Now start being wifely and unpack the rest of my clothes," he commanded, then began to head towards the bathroom.

"Not so fast. You have no idea what I've done without a wand, Draco _dearest_. You might not die today, but you will, when you least expect it. If you don't believe me, well, take a look at McNair," Hermione spoke darkly.

Draco froze, mid-step.

"What _about_ McNair?" he asked, whipping around to face Hermione, who was casually dusting herself off of the floor.

"Oh, well, not much really. I mean, it's not like anyone ever found out how it was that the rat poison ended up in his soup…" Hermione simply said with a careless shrug.

Draco narrowed his eyes at her. "What do you mean?" Did Hermione actually have something to do with her former master's death?

"What, must I spell it out for you, Malfoy?" Hermione began, taking a step towards him. "Someone poisoned his soup. And you're looking at her."

An evil grin drew itself on Hermione's face. Draco took a cautious step back.

"Y-you _killed_ McNair?!" Malfoy's voice was disbelieving yet thunderstruck.

"Yes. Well, unintentionally of course. He treated us slaves poorly and made us sleep in dirty, rat-infested stinking rooms. I was merely using some leftover soup as a mouse trap. It's actually that beast of a wizard's own fault he died, really. If he hadn't been so gluttonous and kept his hands off of the poisoned soup- positioned at a corner on the floor, mind you-he'd still be alive today," Hermione explained, taking another step forward.

Malfoy took another step back.

"B-but still, y-you knew he was gluttonous. You had a mind he might take the soup. You used it anyway," Draco stuttered, alarmed at this new discovery.

"Perhaps. His bad luck, I say."

"What about Blaise? Don't tell me you're the reason he's no longer…fertile," Draco continued, thinking back on Blaise's mysterious castration, though he wasn't entirely sure he wanted to know the answer.

Hermione's eyes blazed, and the wicked smile returned. "Oh, but I _am_. You see, Blaise just couldn't keep his hands to himself. Gave all of us female slaves a very hard time. But I warned him, I did. I told him I was extremely gifted with charms, Severing Charms included, but he didn't listen. Told him I'd steal his wand one day and make him real sorry if he ever tried to, er, touch me or perform an 'unholy act' on me again. But no, my words were futile. The arsehole tried again, and was daft enough to leave his wand lying around openly one night. So I did what any respectable woman wishing to salvage her dignity would. _Chop_." Hermione ended her last word with a single, deafening clap of her hands.

By now, Draco's blood had run cold. This was not the rule-abiding perfect Prefect Hermione Granger he remembered from Hogwarts. This was some psycho evil spirit inhabiting the form of Hermione.

"No. I don't believe you. It's not like you, you couldn't have…I mean, you would've been caught, it wasn't you-"

"Oh, _wasn't_ it? I'm not stupid enough to let myself get caught, Malfoy. Wasn't the cleverest witch in our year for nothing, now," Hermione responded, her lips twitching into a smirk.

Draco blanched and in shock dropped his wand, causing it to roll away. Hermione never smirked.

"And Millicent? That was you, too, wasn't it? Disfiguring her face?" he ventured.

Hermione nodded proudly in the affirmative. "Oh yes, that was not hard at all."

Draco was beyond appalled. He was horrified, terrified, stupefied, and bordering on Petrified.

"B-but how could you? Millicent was a girl, a woman! What did she ever do to you?"

"Oh Malfoy, don't try to turn the tables on me. You and your gang of Slytherin arses have ruined my life for years. Millicent and I go a long way back," Hermione answered, thinking back all the way to her second year, when Millicent had nearly cut off her air supply during a dueling match. "Besides, she could've treated me better. She was abusive, she'd throw things at us, send curses at us. Not to mention she was overly vain. Always in front of the mirror, and what for? Nothing but a huge lump stared back at her. It had to stop. She had to learn. Simple as that."

"So you disfigured her face?! You ruined her life for good!"

"Come off it, Malfoy. It's not like she's dead or anything. Besides, I think I did her favor. Maybe now an ogre might want to date her," Hermione asserted matter-of-factly.

"You're insane! You- you awful, insane, murderer! Homicidal maniac! Serial killer!" cried Draco, backing up all the way against the wall like a frightened rat. 

Hermione gave a short dry laugh, then plopped herself down on the bed. "Don't be a silly prat, husband. You obviously have no idea what a serial killer means. Only McNair was killed, and that was purely accidental. Manslaughter at most, if you argue. But that's that. The others got what they deserve-less even, considering the many lives they took during the War."

But Malfoy did not look convinced. Before, he had been sure she was all under his power, under his control. But now, he was doubting his abilities. Hermione Granger-scratch that, Hermione Malfoy seemed unstoppably lethal.

"So, as you see, Malfoy, " Hermione started once more, with a yawn, "war has made me capable of many deeds I would have shuddered to even contemplate about before. War has given me very little choices. It was either my life, or the lives of my enemies. Naturally, my life and my allies come first. And despite our recent relation, you are still not my ally."

"You'll never harm me. I know your tricks now. I'll get to you before you even dare," Malfoy returned coldly.

"Yeah, that's right, that's exactly why you're all crunched up against that wall," Hermione pointed out.

Draco knew this had gone too far. Screw Voldemort. This was time for drastic actions and he had to take them into his own hands. 

He had to get rid of his wife _now_, before she could get rid of him.

So with that, he stuck out his arms and lunged for Hermione.

"Ahh!" yelped Hermione in surprise as Draco toppled over her on the bed and grabbed her neck.

Instinctively, her hands soared up and wrapped themselves around his neck too, and before long, both of them were violently strangling each other.

This latest killing match lasted for about three torturous minutes. After that, they noticed that the other's face started to turn a desperate shade of blue. At the exact same moment, they released their grips on each other's necks, and sprawled over on their backs on opposite sides of the bed, gasping madly for air.

"You. Bitch," rasped Draco.

"You. Bastard," retorted Hermione.

They lay still in those positions for a long time, nothing moving except their heaving stomachs as they tried to breathe in much needed oxygen.

After a long while, Hermione spoke. "Let's make a deal."

"I'll make nothing of the kind with the likes of you," Draco shot back tiredly, still staring at the ceiling.

"Quit it, Malfoy. I'm serious. We can't keep killing each other like this. If we do, then we'll never know," said Hermione.

"Know what?"  


"Know why it is that we had to be married. Look, if one of us succeeds in killing the other, Voldemort will reward us with our own death anyway, so it's pointless. It's either we live together to figure this mess out, or we both die," reasoned Hermione, whose logic seemed to be returning to her.

"It's too hard. I want to kill you far too much," Draco stated bluntly.

"Well that goes for me to you. But we can kill each other after we find out. I mean, obviously Voldemort wants us both healthy and alive and bound to each other for something, some reason. He's chosen his most hated enemy's best friend and his most loyal follower's son. There's got to be a reason, and I think we're both capable enough sorcerers to find it out."

"Perhaps…"

Seeing this as a sign of encouragement, Hermione propped herself up into a sitting position, and peered over Draco's face, who was still lying flat on the bed. Her now mussed hair hung all around her face, and its curly tips brushed lightly against Draco's skin. For an unknown reason, this slight contact sent him shivers and he wished fervently that Hermione would turn her head away and not look at him like that.

__

Like what? His mind asked him. _She's trying to make a deal with you, you git, not-_

__

Not what? He asked his mind back.

"Huh? 'Not what' what?" That was Hermione. Apparently, he must've spoken aloud. 

"Er…what were you saying?" _Stupid brain._

"I was saying that I propose a truce between us. We will refrain from killing and physically as well as mentally harming each other until we find the answer to Voldemort's scheme. Until the truth is revealed."

"Interesting…" Draco began, though not really paying attention, for his eyes had already involuntarily wandered down her throat.

__

Gulp.

"So? What do you say? Do we have a deal, husband dearest?" 

Draco willed his eyes to meet Hermione's. He remarked to himself how her cinnamon pupils seem to glitter when hopeful. A strange smile twitched at his lips.

"We have a deal, dearest wife," he replied and saw the woman he had just attempted to kill minutes ago burst into a broad grin.

"Brilliant!" she exclaimed, almost happily, then lifted herself off of the bed to go unpack her trunk. "Oh, and you're sleeping there, by the way," she added to him, pointing towards the sofa.

Draco's smile faded. "Excuse me?"

"What, you think I want to sleep with you? Not a chance in hell. You're sleeping there on the sofa."

"What? I certainly will not! _You_ are going to sleep on the sofa!" Malfoy stood up.

"Me?! Where are your gentlemanly manners? You can't seriously make your wife sleep on the sofa while you recline royally on the bed!" Hermione protested.

"I seriously well can! I am a _Malfoy_ and-"

"So am I!" Hermione declared fiercely.

"Not by blood you're not!" Malfoy argued back, livid. How _dare_ she use her borrowed married name to dispute with him?!

"Whatever! I am not sleeping on the sofa!"

"Well, neither am I!"

For a moment, all verbal assaults ceased as Draco and Hermione stood glaring at each other, seething with fury.

"Fine. Then we both sleep on the bed," Hermione finalized a few minutes later.

"No."

"Yes. You sleep on the right side and I'll take the left. We'll draw an imaginary boundary in the middle of the bed if we have to."

"Don't presume to tell me what to do, woman! I'm the husband and _true_ Malfoy here! _I'll_ take the left side and _you_ can have the right."

Hermione threw up her hands in exasperation. "_Very well_! We'll do it your way then, you chauvinistic prick!"

"FINE, wench!"

"_Fine_."

And with that, Hermione opened her trunk to unpack while Draco stomped off with his things to the bathroom.

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A/N: Ok, some scenes were really dumb I know, but I always do that! Argh. And perhaps Hermione is a bit OOC here, but just keep in mind that she's just been through a war and lost so changes are bound to happen to her. Not much happened here I think, just introducing Transylvania and the truce between our lovely couple. The story didn't get very far this chap, I'm sorry to say, so some time skipping will be done next chap. I also apologize, because I promised you at the end of last chap that a certain Gryffindor hero will make an appearance here, but obviously he hasn't. I decided to save him for the next chap-the story will flow better that way. So, sorry about that. 

Anywho, whatcha think? Not my best chap, definitely, but how was it though? Why don't you let me know in your **REVIEW**? Yes, yes, **reviews** are good, so please do them, they take perhaps a minute of your very precious time. Only a minute. Please. I'm begging you. Help me out and **review**. I'm here because of them!

Also an **important notice**: I'm currently compiling **fanart** for my fics! Yes, I am, and I've found a couple and drawn a few (though mine are horrible, me being the awful artist that I am). In any case, if any of you have any D/Hr fanart you'd like to share or find a scene from this fic that you like and want to draw (it doesn't have to be very good) please tell me and I'll go visit your gallery or send them in through e-mail (my addy is in my profile)! :D

Oh and **one more important notice**: *gulp* um…well ok, once again, I'm going to annoy the heck out of all of you and apologize profusely, but as it happens, I won't be updating this story again until the second week of May *plugs ears as angry shouting arises* *ducks as rotten fruits fly in the air* I know that's a bit of awhile, but I really can't help it…my finals are coming up in two weeks and fanfiction is taking away so much of my time…I'm in danger of flunking my two core classes (which means I'm in danger of dying), so I'm gonna have to change my focus for a bit…don't worry though, once finals are over and done with, I'll be on my summer vacation (yeah!) and this means more and faster updates…please bear with me and stick around, okay? Just thought I'd let you guys know.

Anyway, I'll leave you off with some teasers (as usual). Even though the next chap will be awhile, I'd still appreciate it if you guys **reviewed** anyway, ok? Thanks and I assure you, more will happen in the following chaps :)

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Next chap teasers:

Much more will happen. The "Gryffindor hero" enters our story in a very unexpected disguise, Snape gets punished, more is revealed about Voldemort's scheme and he devises a new housing arrangement for our newlyweds. And as a request from a dedicated reviewer, a certain blond TV vampire will be making a cameo…

That's all for now, peace and love to all you lovely people!

~ smashing sugar ~


	7. Startling Acquaintances

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Disclaimer: Ok, I'm putting this one up because as I've told you, this chap is going to have a cameo and a slight crossover…so, anything you recognize from the HP series obviously belongs to J.K. "Genius" Rowling and anything you recognize from Buffy the Vampire Slayer obviously belongs to Joss Whedon and co. Oh, and I don't own Starbucks either. Everything else (including Severin), though, is ruthlessly mine. 

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Continued A/N: Ok, before I go on, I would like to greatly apologize for extending my update to be one whole week after the date I promised you last time…you see, I tried for days after my finals to write, but I didn't go very far because nothing I wrote satisfied me…it was all horrible, and I guess it was because I was feeling crappy about my performance on my exams. Anyhow, my parents had planned this beach trip during the week I told you I'd update, so I figured perhaps a change of scenery and atmosphere would do me good and bring me out of my writing stupor…so I took my laptop with me and here you have it! My first time ever writing something in my bathing suit and sarong at the beach!! Well ok, I had to finish it again when I got back home and send it over to my beta and revise again, and I figured I'd make it really long to make up for all the time I left you all hanging. 

Now for my usual messages:

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horsegrl8311: thanks, but sorry for not updating fast like you asked me to! Hope you'll enjoy this!

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Sailor Moon Rose: thank you, for the roses, especially hehe ;) but please, no special-edition killer Draco! Spare my life! I'll definitely write more, just a turtle when it comes to updating, so keep checking from time to time :P

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Kitahoshi: I'm so sorry you got left out last time! But you know why, though? I went back to check on your ch 5 review to see where I had missed it and apparently, it came AFTER I had already posted by chap 6! Like 2 ppl already reviewed chap 6, then ur chap 5 review came, which would be ridiculous considering you would've noticed chap 6 by then as well…so I concluded that ff.net made a delivery error and was slow in getting the review to me so I couldn't put it in time for chap 6. in any case, thanks anyway, hope you come back to read this!

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Francinator: yes, it's Spike indeed! Although I'm not sure how well I wrote him in, but glad you liked my story. I made Voldie like the Buffy master? I wouldn't know, it's been so long since I've seen that show, but if so, cool!

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Esperanza: are you starting to like Hermione in general, or my portrayal of her :P I'll definitely take up your suggestion to freak him out more…in later chaps, unfortunately I couldn't do so much of that in this one. Oh and one more thing, I LOVE your story! Running Away, I think, or something like that, it's brilliant and your last chap…is a total cliffy. Update soon!

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AoiiChan: hey again! THANKS so much, you were the first person to wish me luck for my finals! (I messed up royally though :S) Anyway, right, that was my reasoning too for making Hermione OOC, I'm happy you agree with it :) Hope you like this chap too :)

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Kerbi: you who reviewed for every chap (except the 6th)!! LOVE YOU! you know what? I actually picture the scenes in my fic as though it was a movie, and then I write it out! But yeah, it would be beyond cool if it really were…a lot of the things that happen are better pictured as movie scenes. And I'm so honored you made this a fave…thank you :D oh and I don't have an update alert group yet, though I should because other ppl have also asked me to email them and I fail to do that because I forget, but when I do get around to it, I will add you :)

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JoeBob1379: comically insane! That's the word I was looking for…thank you, I just picture villains in comedies to be comically insane you know…no point making them angstily hateful :P and you only stopped reviewing at the 2nd chap? *pouts* why???

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hp-obsessed: yup, the one and only Spikey!

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Dragoness666: sorry I couldn't update sooner, bad of me…but thanks, anyway :)

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RaistlinofMetallica: you defined them completely! "the unhappily married couple" heheheh!

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DazzilinAngel555: thank you! At first I was afraid that putting in different thoughts here and there would confuse some readers, but it's really how I write you know, from point of view to point of view…just glad you liked it and it didn't confuse you!

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MysticalRing: yes, it is Spike, you and all the other reviewers guessed right! I suppose there aren't many blond TV vampires going around, huh? Well, anyhoo, thank you, any praise from a fellow D/Hr shipper is worth lots…this chap will be the longest, so I hope you will find that aspect enjoyable too :)

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bz: in your extremely short review, you managed to say one of the nicest things: "it is worth the wait for [my] updates" *grins widely and sniffs*

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Secoya: your praise is beyond all thanks…I'm just so honored and flattered you feel this fic is the best D/Hr fic! THANK YOU ~hugs and kisses~ I hope you'll keep on thinking this way, even through my not-so-good chaps, though! Please, review again! :D:D

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Melanie: now that I've left you hanging even longer, I agree, I am the biggest meanie to date. BUT it's a long chap, so…*smiles sweetly* me nicer now? *bats eyelashes hopefully* oh and originally when I thought about putting Spike in, I wasn't even gonna mention Buffy, but then you said Spike has to love her, so yes, I did what you said! I don't know if I did it very well, but see how you like it!

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lizz: kudos to you for your Seer guess! And me so happy you decided to review my fic, of all fics! I'll try updating more, but my summer isn't as free as I thought, but certainly I won't leave you hanging for a month like in the past :)

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guitar-godess: I love getting reviews from other authors and by now you would've seen that I reviewed ur ficcy! And a nice happy ending you had, so cheers to you! And yes, Spike's the vampire.

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couch-potato101: thank you for the originality comment…I try not to copy others' work, but consistencies might occur from time to time…but glad you loved this!

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sleepy-kitty: heehee I thought Vladmir is vampirish too! It's your bro-in-law's name? Hehe cool, I don't know any Vladimirs! 

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kriss: hehe er…erm…*laughs uneasily* *blushes from shame* so this wasn't exactly…er…'soon' so to say…erm…forgive moi? *blinks thrice*

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Melissa Pitt: thank you thank you! For thinking this is one of the best! Reviews like that make me feel on top of the world! [and then I come crashing down as usual, hehe]

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~Kerri: 'adorable'! Hehehe what a cute comment! Ok, so this isn't soon, but it's at least an update!

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Madame Plot Bunnie: a regular reviewer! :D and another one to wish me luck on my finals!! You're truly one of the best reviewers out there, I'm happy you find this hysterical…do tell me when I stop being hysterical, because I never want to, not with this fic anyway hehe…

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Dreaming One: hehehehe. Thanks for reviewing my songfic, BIEH, by the way…the format's all goofy and it's real sad so I guess ppl don't like to review it, but I'm glad you did and think it's good…I originally planned to do a parallel fic from Hermione's POV and then a sequel, but I'll see how things go first.

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Draco Lover: thank you, I think I'm gonna make all the stereotypical villains civil…or at least try to be, hehe…hope you'll enjoy this chap somewhat!

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sakura angel90: hehe I read fanfics late at night too, ha! Sorry for being so slow with my updates, though, shame on me :S

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dracoJAE: hehe I think I alluded in the teasers that Dracula was joining the party…heheh…and you still aren't updating ICDfY!! But yeah with tests and stuff, I totally understand…hope you do update when they're over!

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avapouhi: another regulars! :D no, my grades are failing all because really, I've made fanfiction my life! Well, for now, at least. Um, about the index fingers…it was stupid of me to say that when I could've used 'ring finger' but really, that's what I meant, their ring fingers…they're called index fingers too, aren't they though? I always thought the second and fourth fingers were the indexes…I could be wrong…taow. But thanks for your comments and encouragements, reviews like yours light up my day!!

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malibu barbie: yes, you're right…this chap surely is long, but I'm not sure about the good part…you decide that and tell me, yeah? Thanks!

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'div: hi again! I think I do the least changes to Malfoy…keeping him just Malfoy…I'm really determined to keep him IC as long as possible, but I think I messed that up in this chap totally!

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dark sapphire: I burst into laughter when you mentioned your fic that was left to rot :P:P anyhoo, yup I made Voldie OOC, hope you don't mind! It all adds to the comical nature of this fic, but don't worry, he's still just as evil as in the books!

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The critict: yes, of course I'm doing this with the utmost interest! Even if I was a guy and I was a D/Hr shipper I would, too, I suppose…I would love to get married to Draco anyday hehe and I can't wait to write the part where "a benevolent love" as you put it will "engulf them both" hehe :D I just hope you'll do as you said and review more in the chaps to come! Oh and don't hesitate to tell me when you decide to put me on the most wanted author's list :P:P

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storyteller: I pray dearly that you haven't died, being that I took an eternity to update!! Lol :D

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Kate: yeah I came across this fact sometime ago as well. I think I saw it in this movie, it's about what they claim is the true life of Dracula and he didn't suck blood, he was some Eastern European ruler…Romania, I think, a few hundred years ago, and there were lots of bloodshed…but the ending was a bit mystical, though…so maybe we're talking about the same story here…but yeah, I had the real Dracula in mind when I wrote, but made him to be a vampire because we are in the fantasy world hehehe…but thanks for sharing!

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Rosaline: hehee your review gave me a bigass smile! It's so cute that you sent quotes to your friends! But yeah, I can see how they might want to kill you for it lol! Thank you, and I do hope you return to review again!

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C-Bob: you were? Good! :D:P yup, it's Spike alright and he seems popular with the reviewers!!

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Cecelia: Cece hey!! You reviewed late, but I updated later! Though I keep looking out for your reviews because I love them to pieces :D Thanks for wishing me luck, by now you would probably have yours too, so I wish you the best and hope you did good…unlike me. About the warm and fuzzies…your comment made me realize that, right, Draco's the only one getting attracted here, but as you will soon see, Hermione's beginning to think about it too…but I purposely stalled her feelings for him because I just think it's more logical somehow that if there ever would be a D/Hr relationship, Draco would feel the fuzzies first. Ok, I'm kinda nervous about the reaction you will have with the Spike cameo…he's your man, and this was done for you, but I'm scared you won't like how I wrote him in…it was pretty difficult and I think I went OOC even though I researched his character and past and stuff so I could be as accurate as possible. I don't think my beta was too fond of what I did, but I don't know, see what you think of it. If you hated it, then I'm so sorry and will try to make up for it somehow. And also, thanks again for another new idea! I'm not using it yet but I thank you nonetheless because like all your other ideas, it was hilarious and I never tire of hearing your suggestions :D

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Oliver's gurl: don't feel bad, at least you reviewed for last chap! I wish you would have nailed the plan scheduled thing into my head before I had written the chap…you're totally right, of course Voldie would do that! Argh, stupid me! Thanks for making me see it though! Draco and Hermione are indeed 19…I realize that I never made it clear what time of year this story was set in, so I'll tell you now it's after September because that's when Hermione's birthday is but before December because that's when Draco's birthday is (I think). So Hermione's just turned 19 and Draco is about to be 20.

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FlAsHy-BeAm-PoLe, Amy: Thanks! I will, but I'm awfully slow in updating! Sowwie!

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Phoenix Flight: yup he sure did! He's got a lot to learn about marriage life hehe! And now, I will relay a thank you back for reviewing and a you're welcome for thanking me for updating…you are a very sweet reviewer! :D

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liar: hi! I was sooooooooo happy to see that I got a review from you! I LOVE getting reviews from other authors that I read…I thought I mentioned in my first review to your story that I had a fic of my own, so it surprised me that I surprised you :P Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? Hehehehehehe!! I hope Hermione's not that nutters! :P I think the whole Draco and Pansy thing is common in fanon…like the whole Draco and Pansy evolving to Draco and Hermione…so that wasn't particularly original of me, but oh well…but you didn't think he would? Interesting! And yes, Spike's in the story now, you like him as well? Gosh, you're right, there are tons of ppl like you, a lot of the other reviewers are thrilled to see him! Anyway, no, you're not a freak, I am, hehe and I hope you update your story soon and read my reviews for them…I really wish you will review my story again. Hope to hear from you real soon!

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FreeZe Mint: wadee ka! it's ok that you didn't review earlier…as long as you keep reviewing from now on! I'm so glad to find other Thai ppl here, have you been reading the story Yuka is translating? I still don't know where to find the Thai version of it…not that I'll be able to read it or anything (ok I can read Thai, but a little and very slowly only) but still…it'll be interesting to see it! Well, hope you like this chapter na ja and kop khun mak mak for reviewing ka!

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ariel: haffy! Good one, I'd never think of it! I did my best with Spike here, but I'm scared it won't be as other haffy lovers will expect…hope you'll enjoy his cameo though!

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Frankie: oh no, I'm scaring you again? You don't like Spike? If so, then you will officially be the first reviewer to not like him! A lot of the others do…but I'm glad you're still anticipating this chap…I hope it won't bore you, though, I hope!

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jessica s: thank you!

PHEW!! There, finally! Gosh that took me an hour and half to do!! But I appreciate all of your reviews, love them all, so please, don't hesitate to do so again, and if I forgot anybody, I deeply apologize…there were a lot of reviews, so I could've missed out someone. Do tell me.

Oh and to **Erin**, my beta: thank you. It's ok if you didn't like the chap or Spike so much, but of course your comments matter because I like to please as many readers as I can and you'd be the first. I only wish you could've given me more comments, though. Your criticisms help me know where I should fix up the story, but I'm mentally drained, so I couldn't change much. But whatever confused you, you can tell me, and I'll try to clear it up.

Erm…anyway, here's the long-awaited chapter. I warn you that I think my style has altered a bit here because of my moods while writing this chap, and I'm aware that this probably isn't my best chap or writing piece out there…I hope the events here won't be too confusing for you. So…here goes and hope you'll enjoy this somewhat!

Happy reading!

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Chapter 7: Startling Acquaintances 

Hermione stirred from sleep as a ray of light filtered through the window and met her eyelids. By now her mind was only half asleep, and the half that was awake was slightly disappointed that she was about to wake, being that she had just had a really nice dream. Like a lot of dreams, she tended to forget them upon reaching consciousness, but she could vaguely recall an intense, fuzzy feeling she had had while dreaming. The dream, whatever it was, had made her happy, extremely happy. 

Slowly, she began to happily twist and turn on the bed, when her arm smacked into something. 

__

What the…?

To make matters worse, as the rest of her body regained its senses, she felt a certain weight on her stomach. Her hands automatically flew to the area, and upon reaching it, found what felt like an arm draped over it.

Horrified, Hermione's eyes burst open and she found herself staring right into the peaceful sleeping face of her husband, Draco Malfoy.

Instantly, she screamed from shock and shot right up in bed, as the previous day and night's events hadn't yet registered in her mind.

Her high-pitched scream and the sudden thrust of his left arm was enough to rouse Draco from his sweet slumber-a.k.a. beauty sleep. Groggily, he opened his eyes to find his wife propped up in bed staring at him as though he was the Grim.

"What is it?" he drawled lazily, rubbing his eyes as sunlight fluttered through his lids.

Hermione didn't reply but merely stared at him for a few minutes, hands covering her mouth. After regaining her memory, she wanted nothing more than to be away from this monstrosity that was her husband and made a dash for the bathroom.

__

Wow, thought Draco smugly. _I must be even more good-looking in the morning than I thought._

**

"Vlad, darlink, I mosst devinitely do not underrstand vhy it iss that vee musst sspy on them."

"Vampira, I will not tell you twice. It was a personal request from Voldemort."

"But, Vlad, I don't underrstand..."

Count Dracula groaned. His wife was so persistently annoying…it was enough that he had allowed her to accompany him on this little espionage trip. Not wanting to reply to her silly questions, he fluttered his wings away and decided to perch himself on the ledge of another window of Draco and Hermione's bedchambers. He could see the sleeping couple much clearer from this view as well.

His wife, however, decided to follow suit, and this was really trying Dracula's patience. 

"Really, Vlad, all thiss snoopink around iss ridiculous. I mean, this iss their third night with uss…and nothink has happened at all," Vampira tried to reason, flapping her wings at her husband.

"That's the point, dear. It's been three nights and they haven't even consummated. Naturally, Voldemort is worried. He wants them to be in love, you see," explained Dracula as he simultaneously examined the sharpness of his right fang from the window's reflection.

"But, vhy, darlink?"

"Some prophecy, apparently. He needs their blood…their blood and his mortal enemy's blood…for some concoction, no doubt, but he hasn't told me. The prophecy would supposedly make his so-called 'reign of terror' complete. Immortality, I presume. But no matter. He won't have his 'reign of terror' unless he sticks to his payment, that's for sure," Dracula responded.

"And so all ve do is report to him if they have _made love_ orr not?" pressed Vampira further.

"Yes," Dracula answered and sniffled his minuscule bat-nose into an area of the open window.

"Then vhy must _ve_ be the one to sspy? Couldn't ve have let Dimitri or someone do thiss? Thiss is serrvants' vork!" complained Vampira huffily.

"And miss out on free viewing pleasure, shall it become available? I think not, my dear!" Dracula declared.

**

After a week in Transylvania, Hermione had had enough. Not that Transylvania was all that horrid a place…in all honesty, Hermione actually found it quite enjoyable (if only for the reason that it satisfied her thirst for knowledge). Despite her preconceptions about the place being a barren land full of darkness and death, on the contrary, Transylvania also had its share of lush green landscapes and even a cozy beach. Of course, those places are rarely frequented, being that vampires sleep during the daytime and Hermione and Draco had to readjust their sleeping schedule so as to math the vampires'. In addition, bustling Vampiresburg (pronounced Vam-PEER-ess-berg), Transylvania's capital city, was also a very interesting attraction in itself. Here, wizards, witches, vampires, ogres, beasts, demons, supposedly fictional but apparently real creatures, and aliens (though there hasn't been any since the Third Kind last took off) from all corners of the globe gathered and meshed. 

However, the thing that kept on ruining this extraordinary new experience for Hermione was none other than her very own husband. Despite their 'truce', they continued to find things to bicker endlessly about, from who misplaced the toothbrushes (Draco) to who used up SleakEasy's Sexy-Slick Hair Formula (Hermione…don't ask) to who kicked who first in bed (both). The classic 'old married couple' scenario, though they had only been married a week. The only thing they seemed to be able to agree about was sex. Or its lack, thereof. Ever since the first night, there had been an unspoken agreement about a completely celibate marriage between the two and neither had any desire even until now to consummate their-er-union. 

Just as well. Anyway, on the Sunday night before they would be returning home, Hermione decided that Vampiresburg deserved another visit. Although Draco had wanted to spend the day (night…whatever) sleeping in (any day/night spent with Hermione was a chore for him) in the end he reluctantly agreed to come along. 

Dracula was very proud of his city. He had given them detailed directions to visit the Blood and Fangs Museum, Le Musee d'Art Vampiresque, the Tower of the Undead, St. Lucifer's Cathedral, and the Elvis Presley House ("THE Elvis Presley had a _house_ in Transylvania?!" Hermione asked in awe). But today, what Hermione really wanted to see was the Central Square (otherwise known as the City Market). The Central Square was a huge stone quad with a marketplace in the center, walled by countless stores and shops, both conventional and unconventional (LePeu's Guillotine Service, for instance). It was where a lot of the wizarding stores were gathered as well, and the rarest of creatures could be seen here.

"Well I s'pose Mother would want some nice Persian flying carpets for souvenirs," Draco announced once their carriage reached Central Square. Without another word, he set off towards an Arabic stand where several colorful rugs were whizzing around in the air.

__

Fine, leave me all by myself, selfish prick, Hermione thought, shaking her head at her husband.

She looked around, searching for a place to go, when suddenly she spotted a very familiar looking shop on the far end of the Square. It's bold, green sign was unmistakable.

Starbucks.

The only Muggle shop of any kind in the whole of Transylvania. 

Feeling terribly homesick and comforted by such a familiar sight, she dashed instantly towards the coffee store. It had been years since she last stepped into a Starbucks. Way back before the War even started.

Anyway, she was there now, and she couldn't believe how normal everything was inside. Except for the fact that she was probably the only Muggle-related being inside the shop and that additions to the regular menu had been made (Blood Frappuccinos, Hot Blood Latte, Naked Flesh Cookies, etc), it still reminded her completely of the Starbucks back home. 

After having purchased a cup of her favorite-the classic hot cappuccino-she found herself a window seat at a corner of the store and pleasantly sat down to sip her drink. She could use this time to reflect on her current situation and what was to become of it without her husband in the way.

__

Good, she thought.

However, her mind didn't get very far as she kept being disturbed by an annoying figure sitting by himself at a table near hers. The figure was sitting hunched up in his little corner, murmuring to himself and occasionally smacking himself in the head with his own fists.

After a few minutes of eavesdropping on his self-murmurs, she realized that the figure spoke with a clear British accent. Looking up at him, she was immediately startled by how strikingly similar his hair color was to her own husband's…she only thought the Malfoys had hair that blond (it was also slicked back just the same, but very short)…especially when it contrasted with his all-black attire (another Malfoy trait, save for the seemingly skin-tight leather pants and leather trench coat this guy was donning). She also saw instantly that the man looked human enough, and seemed to be around his mid-twenties…a few years older than herself.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid, idiot of course she wouldn't…should've killed her…too late…idiot, idiot…" the strange blond cursed himself.

There was no way Hermione could contemplate any escape plan if this guy kept blabbering to himself like this. After a few moments of hesitation, Hermione decided to approach him.

"Erm…excuse me, sir, I don't mean to be nosy or anything, but are you alright?" 

The guy stopped his ranting and looked up at her.

"No…well, yes…well…do you _mind_, I'm having a life crisis here!" he snapped at her in the end.

"Well, _sorry_ about intruding, it's just that well, with all your ranting aloud I can't really solve _my_ life crisis either," Hermione replied, slightly irritated at his response.

The blond eyed her up and down. "Oh, is that so? How, exactly, can a pretty little thing like you be suffering from a life crisis?" he finally asked her, arching his eyebrows half-suggestively.

Hermione couldn't help but blush at his statement. Looking closer, the man was indeed, kind of good-looking. His face was a bit too small and gaunt, showing far too much of his cheekbones than necessary, but overall he wasn't too bad at all. He also had an immaculate air about him that reminded her of Draco…the hair, the air, the clothes, the accent…Draco…

__

WHAT?! Oh god-

"Excuse me? Hello? Still on Earth, are we?"

Hermione was driven out of her temporary reverie by the man's voice and his hand waving around in front of her face. 

"Er…sorry. Erm…what did you say?"  


The blond now looked disinterested. "Never mind. Maybe I can use some company. Here, why don't you sit yourself down and join me," he said, gesturing towards the empty chair opposite him.

Hermione couldn't refuse. "Alright."

"So, what's your name? Tell me, you look kind of familiar…have we met before? I've been around so long, I don't even know who I know anymore. You sound British too…perhaps we met sometime in England?" the man said to her.

"Er…no, we've never met, I don't think. But yes, I'm from England…London, to be exact. What about you? And my name's Hermione Gran-er-Malfoy. Hermione Malfoy," she told him, wrinkling her nose in slight disgust of her new name.

"Malfoy, eh? I've heard that name before…must be an old family, isn't it?"

"Well, as a matter of fact, it is…but it's my husband's family, actually, not mine."

"Husband? Good gracious, you're _married_?!" the blond asked, evidently surprised. 

"Er…yes. A bit young, I know, but it couldn't be helped. I was forced to marry," she informed him sadly. "How did you know it was an old family? Are you a wizard, too?"  


"Wizard? Haha! No, girlie, I'm no wizard. But wish I was, though, then maybe I can concoct myself a love potion…" he trailed off. "Hang on…you're married to a wizard? Are you a witch, then?"

Hermione nodded. 

"Blimey! A real witch! Been ages since I met one! Well, there's these witches where I live…in California, Sunnydale, mind you…but they're trained Wiccans, Willow and Tara…not at all like the kind we've got back in England," he commented.

"California! You live in the States, then? Hold up, you know about witches and wizards, you look human yet you're not a wizard, but you've been around a long time, and now you're in Transylvania...then you must be…"

The man smirked, reminding her yet again of Draco, though Draco's smirk was much, much better. "Yes. A vampire."

Hermione's blood ran cold. Okay, so she was the honored guest of Count Dracula and Lady Vampira, and she'd already been in Transylvania a week and certainly no stranger now to Vampires…but still, to be in such a close proximity with one and carrying what had been a completely normal conversation with one was excruciatingly unnerving.

The man must've seen the worried expression on her face, for then he stuck his hand out and gently grasped hers on the table, whispering softly, "Don't worry, I don't bite. Humans, at least. Haven't for awhile. These US government weasels planted this chip into my head…makes me unable to harm humans…and that's still not good enough for _her_!"

And then again he began smacking himself with his fist.

"Hey! Don't do that!" Hermione told him. She never did think self-inflicted pain was a good thing, even for blood-sucking vampires.

"Sorry...it's just that…well…I used to be a poet you know, back in my Victorian days, and then after Dru, my vampire girlfriend, turned me into one of hers, I became this evil, cunning prat of a vampire…with minions and fangirls and a huge load of respect…but now, just look at me! I'm reduced to…oh I'm so pathetic now!" he told her miserably, then buried his heads in his hands.

Hermione didn't know what to say. "Er…honestly, you look fine to me, I'm sure you must have some fangirls still left around somewhere, mister…er…you've never told me your name!"

The blond muffled something inaudible in response.

"Sorry?"

"I said Spike."

"Spike? Your name is Spike? Spike what?"

"Just Spike, for now. I'm the only Spike in town, I can assure you," Spike said.

"Alright, _Spike_. What an odd name!"

"I was christened William, actually, but after I became a vampire, it's been Spike. Thanks to my reputation for-er-never mind, you needn't know so many details," he added a bit uncomfortably. 

Hermione couldn't help but want to know more, though. "So…um…what happened? And what are you doing here?" 

Spike looked away sadly. "Well after the whole chip implant incident, it's been a downfall. You see, I...I-I fell in love. That's what happened."

Hermione wasn't sure of what to make of this. Wasn't being in love a good thing?

"How is that bad?" she asked him innocently.

"Because I was a silly git, that's why. Of all the girls I could've had…nice, blood-sucking ones…like Drusilla-well not her, she dumped me-and not Harmony either, a real bimbo that one, but of all the others…I had to fall in love with…with…with…" 

"With…?" Hermione carried on.

"With…a SLAYER! A _vampire slayer_!" he burst out in agony and began hitting his head on the table. "And it isn't just any slayer too, she's my one and only archenemy!"

Hermione looked about to see other customers eyeing them strangely.

"Err…Spike, please…stop, please, Spike, it's okay, it can't be that bad…"  


"Oh, _can't_ it?! Hello, have you even heard what I just said? She's a bloody vampire slayer, for god's sake! She kills my kind! And I've killed her kind too- got two dead slayers on my resumé! She's tried to kill me hundreds of times! In fact, she's just tried to kill me the other day and beat the sodding crap out of me! In front of all her stupid friends! And that after-after we slept together! We made fucking love to each other! But no, she can't love me, can't have anything to do with me, can she! Bitch! So I let her fight, and I don't want to fight back because I don't want her dead anymore, even if I claim I do. And why is that? Because I fucking _love_ her!" he cried.

"Calm down! You know, Spike, maybe it's not really your fault, I mean…you _are_ a vampire…and she _is_ a slayer…it's highly probable that vampire men aren't her type," Hermione stated in her know-it-all tone.

Spike gave her a look. "Thanks for stating the obvious, genius," he remarked sarcastically. "But I wish that was the case. But it isn't. Her ex-boyfriend was a vampire like me. And he wasn't just a fling, too. They were _soul mates_. How pathetic."

Hermione was shocked. "Are you serious?! Who is this slayer of yours? I don't believe it!"

"Tell me about it. But her ex wasn't really like me…he was one of those cursed vampires with a soul, so he barely killed. Not like me, I haven't any soul. Anyway, her name's Buffy. Buffy the Vampire Slayer, she's known as. But you just wait, she'll pay…they'll all pay…Oh god, how I miss her already…" moaned Spike.

Hermione thought this was ludicrous. A vampire who's in love with a slayer and the same vampire slayer who dated another vampire? What madness! That's just as good as mortal enemies dating each other, complete opposites, like Harry dating Malfoy-no, better Voldemort.

__

Or a Muggle-born witch with a prejudiced Pureblood husband.

Like Her and Draco.

They were truly archenemies…But Draco surely couldn't have much of a soul, could he?

__

Draco.

Suddenly, the idea of Spike falling for a slayer and Spike's slayer Buffy having a vampire ex-boyfriend didn't sound so crazy anymore. She could even begin to see the love/hate appeal of this. 'She kills my kind'…

__

He kills my kind.

__

Draco!

"Bahhh!!" Hermione suddenly exploded and began hitting her head on the table as well. She changed her mind. Self-inflicted pain was good after all. 

"What's the matter with you, now?" Spike asked, stunned and confused at his new friend Hermione's sudden self-abusive behavior. "Don't tell me I've rubbed off on you as well!"

"Oh, but you have! You see…my husband…he kills my kind too!" she moaned, face in her hands. 

"What do you mean? I thought he was a sorcerer like you!" Spike was confused.

"Well, yes, but he's Pureblooded and one of Lord Voldemort's most loyal subjects-you know, a Death Eater…and I'm-I'm Muggle-born-no magical heritage at all- and we've been mortal enemies for years…I'm the best friend of his nemesis, Harry Potter-"

"Harry Potter?!" exclaimed Spike. "The Boy-Who-Lived?"

"Yes…you know of him?"  


"Well of course, doesn't everybody?"

Hermione nodded, then resumed her ranting. "Well anyway, yes, he's always been so horrid to me-my vile husband- and we've tried to kill each other numerous times, but oh, this is so horrible. It's my life crisis, you see. For some reason, Voldemort forced us to marry. It was either this or certain death. I mean, surely you've heard about the wizarding War a couple of years back?"

Spike nodded.

Hermione continued, "Well after the Light side lost-"

"Ha!" commented Spike as if in triumph.

"Hey!!" Hermione wailed angrily.

"Sorry about that, still have my evil reputation to maintain," Spike replied coolly.

Hermione continued once more, "So anyway, after we lost, I was captured and enslaved…and I still would be a slave, if the Dark Lord hadn't made me marry that prejudiced slimeball husband of mine."

For a moment Spike looked thoughtful. "Well isn't that good, then? At least now, you're one of the Dark Lord's faithful servant's wife, and judging from the looks of you," he quickly glanced at her robes, "a mighty wealthy one at that."

"Yes, but no! Eventually I'm going to have to fight him-my husband-off again…but what if-what if one day, while we're still married, before we can get out of this mess , I start to-start to get attracted to him or something? I know it's ludicrous, but look at you! And your slayer Buffy!"

"Well…hmm…I don't think there's anything you can do about that, dearie. Come to think of it, I might've written a poem about this once, back when I was alive. Love comes as it wills…we've got no control. It is a power no man, vampire, wizard, or demon can fathom…and it is remarkably extraordinary. Got to take it as it comes…even though it's killing you inside…like me," preached Spike the mentor. "Now you've made me sound a tidbit like Giles, there. What an insult."

"Who's Giles?"

"Another old British bloke. The Watcher. Never mind."

The two figures sat in silence for a few moments.

"So, you never told me what you are doing here in the first place," Hermione spoke, at length.

"Eh, business with the big man. The good Count himself."  


"Vladimir Dracula?"

"Yes…hey, how did you know his real first name? Most people don't."

"Oh yeah, that's Bram Stoker's fault, apparently. My husband and I happen to be his honored guests over at his castle. We're here on our honeymoon, you see, courtesy of Voldemort."

"Ah, newlyweds, I see. So where is he, this husband of yours? Is he around? Or are you here all by your gorgeous self?" Spike said with a wink.

Again, this caused Hermione to blush. Spike definitely had his charms. "Erm…well, he went over to buy some flying carpets for his mother."

"And left poor darling you to my company?"

Hermione nodded and looked shyly away. Spike once again placed his hand over hers reassuringly. Damn, he was getting hotter by the second. But could it be because he reminded her so much of her Draco?

__

MY Draco?! Since when-

"GET YOUR FILTHY HANDS AWAY FROM MY WIFE!"

The all-too familiar angry shout drew both Spike and Hermione from their thoughts. Across the store, from the entrance of Starbucks Coffee, Vampiresburg branch, stood a glowering, red-faced Draco Malfoy.

**

__

How the hell am I supposed to find Honeydukes in a place like this? 

A mysterious, hooded figure trampled along the streets of Central Square, Vampiresburg looking for the famous, international wizarding sweets and confectioneries store. It was amazing, really, that of all the things he was going through and had been through, he was now doing the menial task of searching for a sweets store. To actually buy sweets. 

Truly amazing.

He mentally chided himself for it. How he let his best friend drag him into this, he couldn't figure out. 

For the past two years, he felt as though he had traveled the world (which he really did)…and for what? To hide from a danger he knew he would one day have to face, anyway?

__

Maybe eating sweets is a good thing. Take my mind off of things. I could sure use a Chocolate Frog. Or Bertie Bott's Every Flavored Beans. Hell, even a Sugar Quill would do. But judging from where I am, most likely they'll only have Blood Lollipops. Rats.

The figure walked around the square for another ten more minutes before giving up entirely. There was no Honeydukes to be seen…at all. Maybe he'd gotten the instructions wrong. Besides, this was only his second time venturing into Central Square by himself. And in the first, he was disguised as a hobbit. Imagine drinking a horrifying shrinking potion along with Hair-Gro so that his feet could be hairy. 

Disgusting.

Just as he was about to turn around and leave, something else caught his eye. He was surprised at first, but then shook it away.

__

Of course. They're everywhere.

After a moment of hesitation, he decided that his friends would have to do with coffee and muffins in place of candies. Without further ado, he marched his way up towards Starbucks, the internationally renowned coffee chain.

**

"Oooh, it's happening…it's happening…"

"Is it? Is it, really?"

"Yes, my Lord…it is…sort of…"

Voldemort's enthusiasm waned in an instant. "Sort of?"

His Seer looked at him uncomfortably and gave what she thought was her most confident smile. It looked all twitchy and dewy.

"Yes."

"I don't believe you," Voldemort claimed. "I have it on good authority that they've been bickering with each other every day since their wedding. And no high-and-mighty orb told me that…words of my trusted friend Dracula and his wife are all I need. I was merely testing out your accuracy and as this proves, you are false. What are you playing at?"

Although Voldemort's voice was fairly calm, it had a hard and dangerous malice behind it.

The Seer gulped.

"Nothing, my Lord. I foresee what I foresaw, and I foresaw what Dracula has seen."

Voldemort gave her a hard look. "No more games now, witch. Explain yourself."

"Well, love does take time, my Lord…but I can see some slight attraction on both parties…yes, attraction indeed, I foresee it…"

"I did not ask if you foresaw attraction, Seer! I asked if you foresaw love. Love! LOVE!" With that, Voldemort threw up his hands in utter exasperation and frustration, and he would be yanking on his own hair by now if he had any.

"I'm sorry, my Lord, it's just that I foresee love as taking awhile to surface. It is only attraction for now."

"You told me they would be in love after three weeks of being with one another. They have been engaged for two, and married for two. That's four weeks already, otherwise known as a month, but no, still no love. Now, let me remind you that it takes one month to get the potion right. It surely will take at least _another_ month or two to lure Potter in. How long, exactly, must I wait now before my plan can go any further? I am sick of you making predictions and having them all wrong! Time is precious, witch, and it can't be spared waiting for nothing like this. Does this mean the plan you so brilliantly _foresaw_ is on the brink of failure?" asked Voldemort severely.

"Erm…er…no…"

"No? Then what?!"

"It's just that, my Lord, perhaps we must…erm…extend the length of your plan. Better late than never, Sire. I propose an alternative situation, in the case that the honeymoon is not enough to bring about love."

"Well that's obvious. But I'm listening."

In a hushed whisper, she explained to him her idea.

Voldemort rubbed his cold chin thoughtfully.

"You have a good point, but if they aren't attracted to each other, then how will they…"

And in another hushed whisper, she explained to him his involvement in the idea.

"We can resort to this if we see that the honeymoon has not brought them closer, my Lord. The child's blood will be just as good as theirs…if they love it, and I know they will."

"This doesn't seem to make any sense to me."

"It will my Lord…when the reward comes, it will."

"Alright. It better. I'll go along with you for this one. But this is the absolute _last_. So this means it will take me a year, then. A WHOLE year! But no matter, the reward shall be worth it. However, if, by that time, I am still not supreme, invincible, and immortal, I will have your head on my wall, and the heads of every one of your pitiful relations. I will burn you alive and then dice you up slowly, body part by body part. Is that understood?"

"Most definitely, my Lord."

**

"Draco! W-what are you doing here?" Hermione carefully asked as her husband stomped furiously towards her and Spike.

Hermione hated being caught off-guard like this. It wasn't as though she was doing anything wrong. But he was looking at her as if she'd committed public adultery or something.

"What am _I_ doing here?! _You_ should be the one to ask! I, for one, have been looking _everywhere_ for your pitiful Mudblood arse, and where do I find you? In some stupid Muggle shop holding hands with some stupid bloke who looks like a horrible clone of me gone wrong! And to think I was going out of my head wondering whether or not you've got the blood sucked out of you, when I find you _here_ with this-this-this STUD!" Draco exploded, fuming. 

The _nerve_ of her to do this to him!

"Excuse me! I am no clone of anybody, _punk_, how dare you insult me! And _stud?_! Get real! I was here long before your great grandparents were even conceived!" cried the man across from Hermione.

By now, the whole coffeehouse had gone silent, as everyone watched this show with eagerness and excitement. Entertainment like this was hard to find.

"I _beg_ your pardon, moronic twit, but I wasn't talking to you, was I?" Draco sarcastically shot back.

"Why, you bastard of a wizard-" began Spike as he rose from his seat, balling his hands into fists. 

"Please!" interrupted Hermione frantically. "Please, don't fight, I can explain, please-"

"SHUT UP!" the two blonds both yelled at her.

"You don't scare me, you know, I am a spawn of evil," Draco declared defiantly.

"Oh yeah? For your information, _Spawn of Evil_, I am a _vampire_ and can suck your blood in an instant! In fact, why don't I try now?" threatened Spike. In that moment, his human facial features metamorphosed frighteningly into that of a grotesque hungry vampire's, about to kill. Hermione was aware that Spike could hurt no human, but Draco hadn't been blessed with that knowledge.

Consequently, he changed tactic at once. "Oh so you abuse your abilities in wake of a duel, I see! I, at least, have the decency to _not_ use my superb magical powers on you! Why, you're a coward then!" he provoked.

"Coward? Me? I, who have wrestled demons and murdered slayers! Alright then, we'll see about that! A physical duel should show who's the real pinprick! You and me, right now, outside!" 

At this point, Draco and Spike were both standing inches apart, glaring angrily at each other, fists ready. Although Draco was only slightly more buff than Spike and half a head taller, Spike's immense vampire strength was not to be fooled by his skinny build.

Hermione went white. This was not supposed to happen at all.

"Please," she tried again, praying that both men would calm down. "Please, Draco, don't do this, we're on our honeymoon-"

"As if that matters to any of us, you unfaithful wife!" Draco growled back at her.

Hermione's face now turned a shade of crimson as fury began to seep into her.

"Excuse me, but I was NOT being unfaithful in any way! You know nothing about whatever that transpired, yet you have the nerve to waltz in here thinking you do, and accuse Spike of being a stud and me of being some-some scarlet woman! I won't have that, you hear?" Hermione shouted. 

"Oh, right, and I'm supposed to believe that?" Draco bellowed, though a strange wave of relief did begin to fill him at her statement.

"Well of course! Besides, it's not like I even find Spike all that attractive," she lied, though not understanding why she should. After all, it wasn't like she cared about her husband, nor did he care about her, he was just being overly jealous for no reason…

…or _is_ there a reason?

Now Spike turned to her. "What? Sorry to say this, but I am a very attractive young vampire, mind you! I'm deeply offended! I have _fangirls_, I told you!" he protested in his defense. 

"So do I!" argued Draco, never to be unequaled. 

Hermione sighed, feeling defeated. Just as she opened her mouth to speak once more, the door to Starbucks burst opened and out of the corner of her eye, she saw a mysterious figure enter.

For some odd reason, she began to feel a sudden sensation of comfort and-warmth?-at his presence and turned towards the figure. 

And her jaw nearly hit the floor in shock.

Although it had been many years since she last saw his picture, she would recognize rolls of fat like that anywhere.

"DUDLEY DURSLEY!"

**

Severus Snape moaned miserably in his cell down in the Manor dungeons. Presently, his wrists and ankles were chained to the cold stone floor. It had been all Narcissa Malfoy could do to keep her husband from hurtling the Killing Curse at him.

Okay, so he'd trick his master Lucius into drinking a hallucination potion. So what. He was merely experimenting. More experiments like these and Lucius would really lose his mind. Which would mean escape for him.

Can't blame a fallen wizard for trying.

But now here he was, rotting away in the dungeons, starving and filthy.

Suddenly, foot steps could be heard echoing off the ancient stone floors and he prepared himself for yet another visit from Malfoy senior. If his luck ran out, then he'd be accompanied by Voldemort and his life would truly be over. Even Narcissa couldn't help him there.

A few moments later, the wooden dungeon doors flung open and in stepped three looming figures. Two were expected- Lucius Malfoy had indeed brought along his lord, Voldemort. But then who was the last figure?

"Well, well, been a naughty boy, have you, Severus?" came the cold hiss of Voldemort.

"I did what any evil, cunning wizard like our kind would, my Lord," Snape replied, trying out his luck one more time.

"True, true. In any case, you should be severely punished. Lucius here is my right hand man- I can't have him going loony like that. Not yet, anyway," Voldemort said, as Lucius unlocked Snape's cell and all three figures entered.

"So, how will I be punished now? The Cruciatus again?" Snape ventured, voice going shaky.

"Not in the least. No, I have something else planned for you. Or some_one_ else, actually," Voldemort evilly replied.

At his queue, the third figure stepped forward and pulled down his hood. Even in the dim light of the dungeons, the features on this man's face was unmistakable.

Snape yelped in horror as he took in those features.

Because they completely mirrored his own.

**

He had been glad to reach Starbucks at last. His Muggle cover had nearly been blown when he'd walk right into the middle of a fray between an irritated old wizard and a goblin. The two decided to turn on him instead and he almost had to use his hidden wand to fight them off, when to his fortune, the Vampiresburg Law Enforcement Squad flew in and began biting the wizard's and goblin's necks, drawing out their blood.

So much the better. Now, as he sauntered into the warm coffeehouse, he realized that there was some sort of commotion down at the right end of the shop. Facing that direction, he noticed that some sort of verbal brawl was at play between two pale-blond-haired men and a brown-haired young woman.

Tucking his head further under his hood, he squinted to take a better look, finding that one of the blond men and the brunette looked somewhat familiar and were dressed in wizard's robes. Did he know them? If he did…

…well they wouldn't know him.

He hoped the Polyjuice potion would last for some time, being that if he did know them, he'd have to quickly make his purchase and flee before his real features could sink in.

However, before he could take another step, the woman whipped her head around and their gazes inevitably met.

And his heart stopped. 

For it was none other than his best friend Hermione Granger who stared back at him.

__

HERMIONE?!

Hermione, who had been captured at the close of the War and who they all had thought long dead and mourned.

Unfortunately for him, she seemed to recognize him too, with that brilliant memory of hers, since she instantly cried out, "DUDLEY DURSLEY!" at the top of her lungs, causing the whole shop to turn their attentions towards him.

The two men she was with also did the same, and his heart froze for a second time when he recognized one of them to be none other than his long-time enemy, Draco Malfoy. The other guy just looked sort of like Draco, perhaps a relative of some sort, but was a few years older and looked more confused.

__

What the hell is Hermione doing with Malfoy?!

**

"This is impossible…I-I-" stammered Snape, as the figure before him smirked and began to snicker.

"It is NOT. Allow me to do the honors. Severus Snape, meet your illegitimate half-brother, Severin Snape," Voldemort introduced.

SeverUS Snape gaped at SeverIN Snape from his pitiful position on the floor. 

"This is preposterous! This cannot be…I have no brother, half or otherwise!" Snape asserted.

" 'Illegitimate' being the key word here, Severus," Voldemort reminded.

"Yes, the shame, you never knew who I was," spoke Severin for the first time. "And we do look so much alike."

It was true. Severin's hair was black and greasy just like Severus Snape's, and the former's facial features were indeed very similar to those of the latter, though he was considerably younger. Perhaps distant descendants of Grima Wormtongue always looked alike.

In any case, Snape (Severus, mind you) was appalled. So he hadn't been terribly close to his parents, but that gave his father no right whatsoever to have an illegitimate son behind his back! 

"But all these years…where have you been?" Snape asked, as the shock began to wear off.

"Under the private tutelage of one Jonathan Potente," Severin smugly replied.

"Professor Potente? You mean, the former Potions Master at Hogwarts?!" cried Snape.

"Yes, indeed. Father felt I had a one-of-a-kind affinity with Potions…knew I would excel as an apothecary…or a Potions Master myself," Severin said proudly.

"Ha, but _I_ was the one to be made Potions Master of Hogwarts! I guess your affinity does not rival _mine_," Snape countered indignantly.

"That's what you think, Severus. But ever since Severin here has been of age, he has been under _my_ personal employment as a high ranking alchemist," Voldemort put in.

"What? How come I never knew, then?" Snape argued, wanting to disbelieve them.

"Because I was doing top-secret classified work, that's why. Been inventing a whole array of very interesting dark potions and 'substances', I have," Severin declared.

"Yes, he has. And this is where you fit in, dear Severus," Voldemort drawled.

"How so?" Snape asked warily.

"You will become my personal guinea pig. My potions are no good if I can't-er-experiment on them, now can they?" Severin said with a twisted grin.

"I hope that is punishment enough for you, Snape. Now you will learn what torture and torment is really like and wished you had never crossed me, the one and only Lucius Malfoy!" Malfoy spoke at last.

Snape wanted to die. First he'd been chained up and starved, then he'd found out that his father's infidelity had produced a truly evil Snape spawn, and now he was to become a lab rat, so to say, to that spawn. 

Life was so unfair.

"Better unchain him now, Lucius. Severin has much to do with him," Voldemort said.

Lucius nodded and freed the chains off of Snape with a quick spell.

"Goodbye and enjoy yourself, Severin!" Voldemort called out as Severin Snape picked up his half-brother Severus and with a whoosh Apparated the both of them away.

"Now, Lucius, before I go, there's something I must discuss with you."

Lucius Malfoy looked up at his master in surprise. "Yes, my Lord?"

"There are a few certain alterations I would like you to make to your greenhouse…"

**

Hermione couldn't believe this.

What in the WORLD was Dudley Dursley, Harry Potter's Muggle and magic-hating cousin, doing in Transylvania? And worse, how in hell did he even hear of Transylvania, let alone Vampiresburg? 

What the bloody knickers was going on here?

"Who's Dudley Dursley?" 

That was Draco. He'd seen the look of recognition on both his wife's and the stranger's faces and was now burning with curiosity.

His voice, however, seemed to snap her out of her amazement and she began to realized the potential hazardousness of the situation. 

Dudley was a Muggle and Draco would certainly kill any that so willingly crossed onto his path. No matter how much she disliked the Dursleys for what they did to Harry, she couldn't let Dudley go through any danger. 

"Er…he's…er…" Hermione began, racking her brain for anything safe to say.

On the other side, 'Dudley' was praying to god she wouldn't say 'Harry Potter's cousin'.

"Well?" Draco said impatiently, as he walked towards the stranger, sizing him up.

"He's my…er…ex-boyfriend!" Hermione answered finally, not being able to think of anything else.

Around her, the onlookers erupted into excited hushed whispers.

"WHAT?!" went Draco, Spike, and Dudley in unison. Surprised at their same response, the three men exchanged looks.

In the background, the crowd that had gathered to witness this event were snickering to themselves.

By now, Hermione and Spike had both left their positions by the table and walked over to join Draco and the fat man. 

Draco shot a death glare at Dudley before turning towards Hermione. "Since when did you have an ex-boyfriend? I thought you were the property of one Ronald Weasley during our Hogwarts days?" 

"I-er, Dudley was a summer fling!" Hermione stammered. "Didn't mean a thing!"

"Aha! Another evidence of your infidelity, is it?!" Draco practically screamed, enraged.

"Hey, chill out, mate, I'm sure she's got her reasons. Can't be the bloke's looks," offered Spike, who was now patting Draco's back reassuringly.

What the hell?! A minute ago they had been at each other's throats!

"No! Really, er…it was a long time ago…and, hey, I never was the property of anybody! Just because Ron was my boyfriend doesn't mean that he owned me!" Hermione argued indignantly.

"Maybe, but now that _we_ are married, no matter the circumstances, you belong to me and are not to be scampering off with other men!" Draco avowed.

"What? YOU are married to HIM?!"

Now _that_ was Dudley, aghast.

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Has Hermione turned traitor against us all?  


It made sense, as incredulous as it sounded…it would at least explain why she would still be alive and well all these years…

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No, it can't be…could it?

Hermione saw the betrayal in Dudley's eyes and for the first time it hit her that this could not be the real Dudley Dursley.

There was no way the real Dudley Dursley would be caught dead wandering around in Vampiresburg. It was just plain impossible.

So his presence here could only mean one thing, and Hermione scolded herself inwardly for not being able to think of this sooner.

POLYJUICE POTION!

"Of course!" Hermione gasped aloud, smacking herself in the head in the process.

This wasn't Dudley, this was someone else entirely, someone quite possibly from the Alliance, someone who needed a disguise to go around!

And the only someone who had access to Dudley's hair would be…

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OH MY GOD.

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Harry.

By now, all eyes were fixed on Hermione.

Mild sweat began to form along her forehead. She had to do something-_fast_.

"Er…Yes, Dudley, I'm sorry to say. I know you were still smitten with me, even after I got with Ron, but seriously, Beauxbatons was _just_ too far…you know how long-distance relationships never work. But if it's any consolation, it wasn't as if I wanted to marry this prat who, may I introduce, is Draco Malfoy. You see, I was forced to, Voldemort-" Hermione tried to explain to Harry, hoping he would get the message, but was rudely cut off by Draco.

"That's enough. Spare this git the details, woman, we'd best get going now. I've had enough for today and you've still got some explaining to do," Draco interrupted, eyeing Spike.

"Hey, man, look, Hermione's telling the truth. I mean, we just met! We weren't up to anything, I was merely lamenting to her my horrific love life," Spike defended. "No need to get worked up, mate."

"R-really?" Draco didn't want to believe it.

"Yes. She's faithful, trust me," Spike assured Draco.

Draco dug his hands nervously in the pocket of his robes. "Well, I wouldn't really know, I mean, we've only been married two weeks…" he said, sheepishly.

"Yes, and FOUR WEEKS ago, I was still a SLAVE," Hermione enunciated, all for Harry's hearing benefit.

She sent a pleading look towards Harry and he nodded, understanding.

__

Thank god…Hermione hadn't turned traitor after all.

But Draco was right, she did have a whole load of explaining to do.

Draco ignored her statement though. Instead, he took notice of Spike's clothing and was instantly fascinated. "A black leather trench coat and matching leather pants! What bloody good taste! The absolute neo-evil look!" he told Spike, clearly impressed.

"Oh, right, it's my signature look," Spike said proudly.

"Even for Muggle clothing, I must say it suits the purpose. Not that I would be caught dead wearing Muggle clothes, but what you're wearing sort of resembles wizard robes, don't you think?"

Spike agreed with him wholly and recommended the Muggle designer store Armani to Draco in case he ever changed his mind about Muggle clothes.

"Well I best be off now. Got to see good ole Vlad Drac. It was nice meeting you, Hermione," Spike said, hurrying towards her and shaking her hand, "and you too, mate, although we nearly ate each other's heads' off back there," he said to Draco and amazingly, the two shook hands as if a feud had never occurred.

"Hey, no problem, simple misunderstanding," Draco agreed politely. "Here, why don't I buy you an O neg Expresso, first?"

Hermione found this unbelievable. Were villains always like this to each other?  


"Thanks, but really, I've got to run. I'll take a rain check on the O neg. Anyway, all the best to the both of you-hope you have a long, happy marriage!" Spike wished them before turning on his heels to leave, to be responded by a cough from Draco and a soft snort from Hermione.

"Oh, and good luck with Buffy!" Hermione called out after Spike, as the latter exited Starbucks.

"The SLAYER?!" came a few worried cries, as a few (well, most) vampires shot up from their seats and promptly fled the store after Spike.

Now that the gist of the 'entertainment' was over, nobody paid anymore attention to the three figures left standing.

Hermione shifted in her spot uncomfortably.

"Well…" Hermione began, to be once again silenced by her husband, who marched straight up so that his face was mere millimeters apart from Harry's.

If he only knew…but he didn't.

"Well now that you know she's taken, you best stay away from my wife," he snarled at who he thought was Dudley Dursley.

"Er…no problem," Harry hastily replied, hoping his voice would sound unrecognizable enough to Draco. 

"Good. C'mon, we're going," Draco said, grabbing Hermione's arm and pulling her roughly away from the store.

As they left, Hermione whirled her head around to face Harry once more and mouthed helplessly to him, "Help me". 

Harry nodded, and determinedly tightened the hood on his head, which had fallen off sometime during the whole confrontation.

Screw the coffee. This news was going to have to be enough for Ron, Sirius and everybody else.

They had a best friend to save.

**

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Longass A/N: There's this little bit I wanted to continue with, but I'll save that for the next chapter. So, how was this? This was probably the most insane chapter I've ever written, and my whole style I think has altered somewhat. It's more like the style I had when I wrote TPW, my other fic, and I can't help but feel that I was very, very silly in some places. And it's probably not one of my best, despite its length…my beta has expressed that she feels it was rather confusing and I suppose it has a lot to do with me being incoherent sometimes. Sometimes I am like that, so I do apologize if this chap was confusing. She also wanted more D/Hr action, and again, I'm so sorry that there wasn't so much in here as expected…I took a different (rather, slower) turn when I wrote Spike in…it was hard, and I probably didn't do a very good job, so I apologize for that. I'm just happy to finally be able to post up anything, and I'll try to improve my next chap.

Regarding Spike:

Also, my apologies go to _Buffy_ fans…I love that show too, but it's been a VERY long while since I've last seen it, so I think I sort of got Spike's character all wrong…I understand that he's probably quite OOC here, and I'm sorry. Also I had to keep in mind that this story is set around the year 1999-2000, and by this time, a lot that we know has happened to Spike hasn't really happened yet. For the sake of my story, I'm putting him as a lovesick vampire right after he and Buffy have their torrid affair...so somewhere around Season Five stuff. You guys probably want him as he is now, but the events after his affair I think are a bit too angsty for this fic…however, if you would like another Spike cameo, I can write it in farther down the story where some time passes, so we can be more up to date…how's that? Again, please forgive me for making him OOC- at least I put him in, yeah? 

Regarding Draco:

And Draco, also, was terribly OOC here, I realize…but I only meant to show how very jealous he was because he's feeling very possessive over Hermione-like how a spoiled little rich boy would be over his 'belongings' even if he didn't want them in the first place. Hermione will confront him about this early in the next chap, so don't sweat. 

Regarding Harry and the Seer:

I hope I've made Harry's first appearance reasonable enough…he'll have some explaining to do of his own later on. I'm also aware that I'm annoying elusive with the whole Seer thing and her business with Voldemort's plan, but very soon the answers will come…please bear with me.

Overall, this chap took ages to write…about 7 days!! I hope it's still up to your expectations *smiles hopefully*

Well…any suggestions? Comments? Criticisms? Anything? As usual…please send them over in your **reviews**!! Please **review**, **review**…they're all very, very encouraging and insightful…plus there's the added benefit that any one of your suggestions might be in my story! So please, have mercy on me and **review,** and lil' ole me will love thee very much :D

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Teasers teasers teasers:

A lot of our old faves will make an entrance. Draco and Hermione go home…to receive yet again, _another_ shocking news…how will they deal with their new living arrangements? And Harry goes back to his rebels…what rescue plan do they have up their sleeves? And…uh…some R rated material will greet you towards the end of the chap…*cough cough*

Thanks for all of your fabulous input!

~smashing sugar~


	8. Coition Blues

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~*~* WARNING: OotP Spoilers alert! From this point on, the story will be OotP-revised! ~*~*

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A/N: *ducks rotten tomatoes* *banana peel misses ear by a millimeter* I know. I know. It's been two months since my last update. You can now officially declare me a F R E A K! (but we all knew that, didn't we =P) I'm really sorry. It's just that I've been taking summer school and three weeks into it we had midterms and right after that I was diving into the canon world of Harry Potter. Which brings me to say that as a result of OotP, I've had to make some _sirius_ alterations to my story…I know the pun is beyond lame, but really…I had intended on putting Sirius Black in this VERY chapter and he was going to have an influential part, but NOOOOOOOOOOO JKR's axed him! *sob* So I've made character changes so that my story will suit the post-OotP world (consequently, I'll have to make a couple of changes in my previous chapters where I mention Sirius's name…they would all have to be replaced with Lupin). That took some time to plan in my head. But most troubling of all were my feelings on D/Hr….no, I haven't stopped shipping them, it's just that my view on Draco and the Malfoy family has changed somewhat (especially on Narcissa, and Draco's relationship with his dad…the former which won't affect this story so much but the latter does so a bit)…and it seems as though the prospect of D/Hr in canon is really dim :( (BUT at least this fic is post-Hogwarts after all, even if it's likely to be AU post-Hogwarts!). However, though, some OotP events have become quite fortunate for this fic…especially the whole part dealing with the Seer and prophecy…I must say, it was very convenient for this story that JKR wrote what she did about Harry's prophecy…*hint*

Now for my routine messages to my darling reviewers:

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Emmies: thanks for your praise, I'm glad you liked how I introduced Spike and Harry :D come back to read it more!

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RaistlinofMetallica: no, I haven't seen the season finale yet! But I'm glad you find Spike adorable, because I think I made him quite OOC :D

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malibu barbie: Yay! I'm glad you find the harry/Dudley thing unexpected because that was my aim :D oh and don't worry about the hobbit, it's just an extra detail, nothing to do with the story

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Befuzzled: thanks and nope, it will NOT be a crossover…just that one little cameo from Spike and Dracula

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tom4eva: no you're no retard, I think I got tons of people confused with the Severin thing as well and I'm sorry I got you confused! Also sorry that this took so long to update, but at least this chapter will have tons of much desired d/hr action!

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DazzilinAngel555: by now you must really think that I had fallen off the face of the Earth. Which I sort of did…but anyway, I'm back and I'm happy you liked the last chap even if you didn't like the Spike part. I wrote it in because I promised a reviewer I would and if the setting wasn't Transylvania, I don't know where else I could've put him in.

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The Sarcastic Morbid One: thanks for your applause! *beams* and nope, I still haven't seen the final episode yet…but I think I've heard what happens to poor Spikey

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AmericanAngel: it's ok that you haven't seen BtVS because it won't affect the plot of the fic in any way…but I'm thrilled that you found it not confusing and liked my story anyway! :)

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Rosaline: thank you and your sending quotes flatters me even more *uh oh, ego starts inflating* Yes, this chapter has R stuff as I mentioned and it's my first time ever writing stuff like that so hope you'll like it! 

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annabelle: well I'm glad you did get around to review my fic and even more excited that you enjoy my insanity :P erm…yeah, guess you'll have to bear with the harry + ron parts, but I assure you, the majority of the story will be d/hr focused so no worries!

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Purple Spotted Hedwig: yes, what *might* it be rated on??? *smirks as well* well you'll have to see if D/Hr will end up still together in the end (hint: I'm a die-hard D/Hr fan) and you'll have to see how Harry and Ron will react to it!

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underscore: thank you! Yes, other reviewers have burst out laughing in the presence of their folks reading my fic as well and I'm thinking one of these days I'll get bombarded by e-mails of worried parents who think I'm messing with their kids minds! Yikes! But really glad you like last chap, hope you like this one too :)

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rid!, Lee-SenRu, lu:na, a reader, Aryante, Kiya Kideackiy, bessorla,: thanks, of course I will finish it and sorry for taking ages to update but it's finally here!

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Madame Plot Bunnie: yes it's great to be back but of course I just disappeared again, didn't I? Hope this chap makes up for my vanishing act!

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FreeZe Mint: wadee again! yes, last chap was long but this one is even longer! I tried reading this other D/Hr fic in Thai from the board but it took me ages! Will Yuka be translating anymore? Hope you review again na ka :D

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lucy: I hope this chap will satisfy everyone's craving for more d/hr action :) yeah, the draco and spike discussing clothes was just there for comic relief purposes, really.

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Kriss: thanks so much, your praises got me all smiling :D

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Esperanza: and I didn't update soon at all! Naughty me! 

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horsegrl8311: thanks, and sorry for my confusing parts…I hope this chap is more clear (since I took even longer to finish it!)

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'div: good job for spotting the clue! I'm going to be annoying and leave them all over the place and not reveal the real deal until the part it comes in :P and this chap is even longer, hope you'll enjoy it!

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The Simon Cowell of Fanfiction.net: well, I really really hope I have a plot, being that I spend so much time weaving it around in my head all day :D (or I could just be weaving mess lol :P)

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Leika Senara, chica100123, hermie4sev: thanks!

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HarryPotterWanter: wow, you've got my story down so well! Congratulations! All your speculations are true and the reasons for why the characters behave as they do are accurate! And I mean it…literally EVERYTHING you mentioned is exactly what I planned for the fic! I really love insightful reviews like yours, maybe it means I'm doing a good job of writing :) Kudos to you!

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Kassandra: hi! THANK YOU for loving this fic, reviews like yours make my day :D answering your questions: 1) Buffy hasn't appeared in former chapters and is unlikely to appear in any later chapters; 2) wait and see to find out if D and Hr will get together or not; 3) the Seer's identity will be revealed in due time. I know that doesn't really answer much, but bear with me, the answers will all come up sooner or later!

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liar: Hey you! Thanks so much, yes, your review was very helpful. Suggestions and simple analyses are very useful but most reviewers don't give me that; I'm glad you did. You're right, I am trying not to get them to fall head over heels so fast because that would be far too unrealistic. And no, I didn't go very much in detail with what happened during the war (because it's not very relevant to the plot) but I did mention in the first chapter that Harry, Ron, and a few others got away and had formed a Rebel Alliance, but you should find out a bit more on that in this chapter as well. I'm sorry you didn't like the Severin/Severus thing but you'll see why I did that once you read this chap :) I know I didn't update very soon, but you haven't either! I mean…you've really disappeared, I keep checking to see if your fic is updated but it hasn't been! Where are you?

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AoiiChan: hehe, as it turns out, I didn't do as I bad as I thought in some subjects but messed up big time in math…so I was right to be pessimistic! But luckily, I'm faring much better in summer school…and did I really make Spike adorable? Thanks for thinking so! Alas, Draco can't escape the clutches of OOC-ness, but right, he should change his ways although the world will end if he completely ceases his bas…er…ways lol :P:P

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Secoya: THANK YOU! I appreciated your review very much; your reasoning for why I end up hating my own chaps was spot on, you're absolutely right. Your words of praise completely brightened me up and gave me much more confidence and when I was writing this chap, I kept your words in mind so I won't doubt it too much. I can only hope that I will live up to your views of this fic in future chapters and I thank you endlessly again for your comments. I absolutely loved your review and hope you continue giving me more! :D

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dracoJAE: thanks! And guess what, I was surfing the net one day for D/Hr websites some time last week and I stumbled upon your site! It's the one with the diary entry or something like that on it…your fanfic site and gosh the layout is brilliant! I hope you update the site as well as your fic really soon!

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Sailor Moon Rose: I've really got to solve my updating problem, seriously, two whole months! Hehe…well yes, Dracula is a complete pervert, but in any case…no whips please! The thought of Draco trying the whip is frightening…for the wrong reasons! *hint* *wink* :P:P:P

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Cece: My wonderful reviewer, you're very welcome-Spike was just for you! :D I'm ecstatic that you liked how I portrayed him, I was getting paranoid thinking you would hate him and then my efforts would've been wasted…you're right about the blond brits…I could never ask for more…if I added Legolas though, I'm scared it might throw Hermione off of Draco for good and we definitely don't want that! :P It would be cool if Buffy came in, but the way my story looks it doesn't look very likely…unless it's at the very end of the story. I'll see what happens then. And yes, Voldie is going to do that…and I think it was YOU who first suggested the idea to me, wasn't it? Yes, I believe it was you in one of your earliest reviews and guess what Cece, I'm adopting your idea again-you will see it in this very chapter, all thanks to you :D

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Frankie: yeah I know how crossovers can be a turn off sometimes, but Spike was just a cameo and I'm glad you thought I did it well anyway. Unfortunately Draco's still got the upper hand, so Hermione won't be setting him in his place anytime soon yet, but eventually of course she will :) And you want Hermione out of there? Well if she got out…what would happen to poor, ego-inflated Draco? *smirks*

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ckrfan: hahahahahaha right, Draco is still a spoiled little five year old at heart :P To find out what they will do…read on, I say!

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Jessica-Black: thanks, I don't know if I can put Spike back in it but I'll see…if an opportunity comes, I'll put him back in, k?

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Oliver's gurl: I'm glad you loved the Starbucks part :D Yes, Draco is one clingy, possessive little hubby! And your guess on the Seer…well…your guess is as good as mine *winks*

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LadyAkitsu(~Ami-chan): *returns bow* *beams at applause* thank you, thank you! It had to be Dudley because otherwise poor Duddykins won't be appearing in the fic at all, and what's a funny fic without Big D? *grins* This chap took me forever too and I hope you also think it will be worth the wait. Um…I don't read any Ranma ฝ fics (although I remember watching a couple episodes of that on TV when I was little) so sorry about that, but I'll try to find some time to check it out :D

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Shanshine: I'm really, really, really, really, really sorry, I know I said I will be uploading _The Preposterous Wager_ again soon but I haven't kept my word and that's completely wrong of me. However I am in the process of contemplating whether or not to change a few things so that it would match the events that transpired over OotP. I've actually got a writer's block for that fic right now and feel a bit down with it, but I will upload it again eventually. Please bear with me. Thank you though, for asking about it, it shows me that people still want to read it and stimulates me into taking more action.

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couch-potato01: You were surprised? I thought I mentioned it somewhere that he was going to show up? Ok, maybe I didn't…in any case, glad you liked it!

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rusty: thank you, and don't worry, no offences taken. I like to know when I go OOC with characters so I can improve next time.

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bz: thanks so much and tell your best friend thank you from me as well :D I'm so happy you like my fic so much and honestly I never considered having such cameos/crossovers like Spike but one of my good reviewers asked for it so that was why I had him there. But it won't turn into a crossover story or anything like that, so all's good :D

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ariel: thank you! Really glad you liked my haffy work! Yeah a lot has happened since the 5th season…a lot which I haven't watched yet! I'm not sure but I think I read somewhere Spike gets his soul back or something…not sure…anywho, you're having Spike in your fic as well? Which one? Is it D/Hr as well? If so, then me must read!

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Kerbi: it's ok girl, I know exactly what you mean and forgive you wholeheartedly for not reviewing my last last chapter :P It happens to me too…there sitting, writing this wonderful review then BAM something happens and it's all gone and I'm too tired and pissed to rewrite everything. As for your comment on Dudley, we weren't completely certain that Hermione knows Dudley, but given that she would have been friends with Harry Potter for 8 years already in the fic I was sure sometime or another she would have seen Dudley's pic. But since OotP came out, we can be positive that Hermione at least knows what Dudley looks like, considering how in the last scene the whole Dursley family came to pick up Harry at Kings Cross and Hermione was still there, so she would've seen Duddykins then. Thanks for loving this!

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girl_in_the_window: thank you, wow, a real harry potter book? That's the best compliment you could ever give to a fanwriter! THANK YOU! *beams and blushes* *ego is inflated once again* OOC-ness is my number one fear, so I try to steer the characters away from that, but I don't always succeed. Tell me when I don't, okie? Thanks!

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Gnat: Oh I'm sorry your daughter got angry over Spike, I hope she doesn't hate my fic over it but I had to have him there because I promised a reviewer I would, but I don't think he's coming back. But I'm glad you thought it was great, nonetheless :D Thank you for saying I have a flair for writing humor, I'm really flattered. I'll try to write faster, hope both you and your daughter come back to review again!

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Zyzychyn: thank you! I'm going to try to make that rivalry stay on as long as I can :)

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midnight dream: hello, thanks so much for loving my story :D I'm sorry I've taken forever, but here it finally is! Next time I'll try not to leave 2 whole months in between updates.

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PamperedPrincess: addictive?! That's a first! Thank you so much! :D:P

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Hermione18: I'm glad you liked it, even with Spike…did you not like him before? Well doesn't matter, as long as you keep on liking my fic!

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Kangarooster: thanks…it's good that you're guessing, then it's like a game to see if you're right or not :P I'm happy you like it and please, by all means, do come back for more!

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callhergilraen: thank you, I'm so happy you enjoy my fic and my sense of humor :P oh, and there are no limits as to how many times you should come back to read this :P:P:P

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Nina G: hmmph! So you've never reviewed my fic, eh? You should! Well, I counted your comments from the yahoogroup as a review, so I'm replying to that. I'm glad you really like my work and find it amusing, and you should review! And no, bad English is NOT an excuse (not to mention the fact that I think your English sounds quite perfect to me!) Do try to review next time!

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Ashlee: thank you, really happy you liked this, although you should review as well! I'm responding to your yahoogroup comment here, but please, I beg you, do review my story on ff.net!

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Carla Fox: ahh, you reviewed TWICE!! THANKS!!! I feel very honored and I'm thrilled that you like my fic…makes me feel better for so shamelessly advertising my fic on the yahoogroup like that! I hope the wedding scene was somewhat more or less what you were looking for and that you enjoyed it somewhat. I'll try to give you as much more as I can ;)

Ok…WHEW…that took me nearly 3 hours to write up all those messages above! If I forgot anyone, I apologize profusely. It's late and my eyes are getting blurry so I'm mistake-prone right now.

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Rating: Yes, rating…hmm…ok, mostly everything is still pretty PG-13 if you ask me, BUT owing to the fact that I did get my other story deleted off ff.net due to rating misconceptions, I'll add here that some stuff in this chap may be viewed as **R**-**rated** material. This pertains to sexual implications and references and very minor graphics (towards the end of the chap, so if you feel uncomfortable with those things you can skip such parts). I haven't changed the overall rating of the story, but I'm warning you now…I honestly don't think its very **R** but if one were to imagine a couple of scenes graphically, then…erm…*cough*…you get the idea. But it's not very bad, I promise. However, if after you read this chapter and feel that I should have upgraded my rating to an R, then tell me so in your **review**.

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To Sirius Black, the best godfather Harry Potter could have had…you will be sorely missed by Muggles worldwide. Rest in peace.

**

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Chapter 8: Coition Blues

"Let go of me! You're hurting me!"

"Why, so you can run off to meddle with other men and ex-boyfriends? I don't think so! We're leaving and we're leaving NOW!"

Draco Malfoy was beyond pissed. Not only had he just caught his wife having coffee with some leather-clad slick-looking vampire, he had also ran into her ex-boyfriend. This will not do. Malfoy wives simply do _not_ have other men. At the moment, he was dragging Hermione roughly by the arm through the quad in Central Square and cursing at anyone unfortunate enough to get in their way.

"Malfoy, really! There is no need-" began Hermione, still struggling to free herself out of her husband's grasp.

"You don't understand, do you? You just embarrassed me back there! Completely humiliated me and the name of Malfoy! Didn't my mother teach you anything? Malfoy women aren't supposed to be _fraternizing with other men!_" he screamed at her, attracting the attention of a few onlookers.

Hermione's mouth fell open in disbelief. "But I wasn't! Jesus, Malfoy, it's not like you even care, anyway! You hate me, you despise me, you insult me, yet you-you have the _nerve_ to act like an over-jealous husband!" 

"I am NOT jealous!" lied Draco, now very red in the face. "You just have to learn your place! But no matter, I'll tell Mother when we get back that her lessons have been wasted on you and that she needs to start all over again!"

And without another word, he yanked her away towards a line of coaches across the street from Central Square. They marched towards a fairly large carriage loaded with a pile of parcels at the very end of the line. As they neared it, Hermione realized that someone was also sitting inside the coach.

__

What the-

"Oh, by the way, I've bought Father a new slave," Malfoy announced to Hermione. "Before going off to find you, an owl dropped by with a letter from Father, informing me that Snape has been removed from our household and taken elsewhere. So now, Father is short of a personal slave," he explained as they reached the carriage.

Even though it was dark, Hermione could see that inside their carriage sat a man in his late twenties. Upon closer look, she noticed that his arms were bound to the side of the carriage.

__

He looks oddly familiar…

And then it hit her.

"STAN SHUNPIKE!" she gasped aloud, downright stunned.

"Yes, Ma'am, that would be me," Stan Shunpike acknowledged sadly with a nod.

"Speak only when you are spoken to, slave," admonished Draco harshly to Stan.

Hermione whipped around fiercely to face her husband. 

"_You bought the conductor of the Knight Bus to be your Father's SLAVE?!_" she cried in a mixture of horror and disgust, hands on her hips.

"You don't know much anymore these days, do you?" retorted Draco, unfazed. "For your information, the Dark Lord has outlawed the operation of the Knight Bus ever since he came to rule and as usual, anyone who disobeys him becomes enslaved. I was rather fortunate to come upon Stan here at the Slave Market over on the other side of the quad, while you were having your little rendezvous with _Spikey_ _dearest_."

Hermione gave him a withering look. "Oh stop it with that already. I simply cannot believe you. What were you thinking? Randomly purchasing people as though they are mere commodities! And a former Knight Bus conductor, at that! Have you no shame? No conscience? No morals? No respect left for the decency of-" 

"Oh for crying out loud, just get in, already! I haven't got time to play twenty questions, least of all with you!" snapped Draco as he got in the carriage.

Hermione, however, stood fixated in her spot in front of the carriage door. She couldn't believe what her husband had done. She also couldn't believe how many people she had ran into in Transylvania. First a sexy lovesick vampire, then Harry, now Stan! And he was to be their slave! It was ludicrous! It was-

"Look, I'd love nothing more than to leave you behind but we all know the Dark Lord will have my head if I do, so get your arse inside this damn carriage so we can go back!" snarled Draco.

Having no choice, Hermione followed him in and sat opposite him, next to Stan. Turning towards the latter, she asked, "So, how did you end up here, Stan? You wouldn't remember me, would you? I'm Hermione Granger, I took a ride a few years back…with Harry Potter?"

Stan thought hard for a minute, then gave his new mistress a smile of recognition as the carriage took off and began making its way back towards Dracula's castle. "Right, right, I do remember you! It was the whole lot of you, wasn't it? Five years ago? You Hogwarts kids and a man and this peculiar old woman?"

Hermione smiled too, as she recalled that day she rode in the Knight Bus with Harry, Ron, Ginny, the Weasley twins, Professor Lupin, and Tonks.

"Yeah, that was us," she said reminiscently. "The good old days…oh, Stan, I'm so sorry this happened to you, if things were up to me, I'd never let you be bought as a slave like this."

"Harrumph! Ahem," came a sharp voice. Hermione knew that her husband was glaring at them but she ignored him anyway.

"So anyway, how did you end up here?" she continued, undeterred by Draco's attempt at an interruption.

"Well after that evil-er," paused Stan as he caught Draco's piercing eye, "er…the _Dark Lord_ decided to sack the Bus, we began to protest, you know, and so they threw us in Azkaban for awhile, Ernie and me. And then some of the guards decided I'd make a good slave and sold me off to this Bulgarian Death Eater, Pieter Karkaroff or something."

At hearing that name, recognition clicked in Hermione's mind. "Pieter Karkaroff! That's Ivan Karkaroff's cousin! Right, I remember him, Viktor told me all about him during the War," Hermione recollected.

"Oh _Viktor_ told you, did he? Another darling ex-boyfriend now, is he, that stupid prat of a Krum?" spat Draco contemptuously.

Again, Hermione ignored him (even more irritated now because he was starting to sound a lot like Ron) and continued looking at Stan. "So what happened next?"

"Well, turns out, the guy was somewhat of a gambler and lost a bet to this really hot-headed vampire Mafia boss. Ended up getting all the blood sucked out of him. Wasn't a pretty sight. After that, they didn't know what to do with me, so they sold me over to the slave merchant and before I knew it, here I was, right in the heart of Transylvania," explained Stan with a casual shrug.

"Oh, you poor thing!" commented Hermione, reaching out to pat Stan's arm.

"Yeah…speaking of which, how come you're not all chained up yourself? Weren't you one of the Boy Who Lived's best mates?" asked Stan, raising his brows.

"I…er…" began Hermione, unsure of how to explain herself.

"_Mistress Malfoy_ here, as you will address her from now on, was ordered to forfeit her charming life as a Mudblood slave and marry me instead. Now, I think that's enough introductions and nostalgia for today," Draco intervened coldly.

"Really, Malfoy, I was just making small talk-" began Hermione but Draco immediately cut her off.

"There is no need for talk. I am sick of you and already I'm beginning to be sick of him," Draco said, gesturing towards Stan, who slumped further in his seat. 

Hermione's eyes flashed. "If you're so sick of me, then you should-"

"FOR GOD'S SAKE WOMAN, SHUT UP!" roared Draco, incensed. Stan cowered back and pretended to look out the window.

"DON'T SHOUT AT ME!" Hermione yelled back furiously.

"I WILL DO AS I WISH! _SILENCIO!_" With a flick of his wand, which Hermione had failed to notice he was gripping, Draco Malfoy cast a Silencing Charm on his wife. He then pointed his wand at Stan. "And you too, for good measure. _Silencio!_"

Needless to say, the remainder of the ride was spent in tense silence. About ten minutes later, they finally reached the castle, where Stan was instantly whisked to the slave quarters for the night. It wasn't until they had returned to their guest chamber that Draco took the Silencing Charm off of Hermione.

"There. That should teach you a lesson. You should never forget that I'm the one with the wand around here," Malfoy reminded Hermione as they settled back into their room. "Two, in fact," he added with smirk.

Hermione didn't even bother to dignify that with a comment. Still smarting from having been put to muteness, she turned her back on him and stalked towards her trunk. Grabbing a towel and her nightgown, she huffily stomped her way to the bathroom and slammed the door shut without a word.

"Don't take too long, witch! We leave bright and early tomorrow and it's already half past the night! I want some sleep, you hear?" Draco called in after her.

Hermione remained in the bathroom for another three hours.

**

"RRRRRRRRON!!!!!!"

Harry Potter hollered loudly as he tumbled out of the fireplace. He had just Flooed back into the Order's current secret hideout, a small rundown shack on the outskirts of Vampiresburg. 

"RRRRRRRONNN!!!" he roared again, causing the whole place to vibrate.

"For crying out loud, Harry, d'you want us to be found out or something?" came the disgruntled voice of Ron Weasley as his scarlet head popped up from the trap door in the floor of the shack.

"What's all the commotion?" came another voice-that of Ron's mother, Mrs. Weasley, who had just entered the sitting room from the kitchen.

"Yeah, what's all the racket, is Potter back?" inquired Mundungus Fletcher, who emerged partially clothed and steaming of pipe smoke from their makeshift lavatory just outside the shack. 

"Good heavens, Mundungus, how many times must I tell you? Cover up all that hair! It is absolutely revolting!" scolded Mrs. Weasley in her high-pitched tone, turning her face away in disgust from Mundungus's curly and fly-infested forest of chest hair.

"Oh lay off and give me a break, Molly," he brushed away. "Chest hair is a wizard's finest asset, apart from _you-know-what_," he added with a wink.

"Chest hair?" Ron started, sounding doubtful. "I always thought it was the beard! Why else would Dumbledore-"

"Hello, can we carry on this pointless conversation later?" interrupted Harry desperately. "I've not NEWS!" 

"Here, now, sit down first dear, you're all filthy! Oh and maybe you should change, your cousin's clothes really are thrice your size," offered Molly Weasley. By now, Harry was back in his own physique since the Polyjuice effect had died.

"NO! We haven't got time! It's about Hermione!"

"HERMIONE?!" exclaimed everyone in the room, along with eight or so more voices. The members of the Order of the Phoenix who were in charge of protecting and guarding Harry were rising up the steps from their underground meeting room through the same trap door that Ron had previously emerged from. Within seconds, everyone was there in the room with Harry- Mad-Eye Moody, Nymphadora Tonks, Arthur Weasley, Kingsley Shacklebolt, Neville Longbottom, Luna Lovegood, and the Weasley twins Fred and George.

"Yes, Hermione! She's alive!" Harry informed them excitedly.

"WHAT?! How-how do you know this?" cried Ron, who was practically shaking with amazement and clutching the back of a wooden chair tightly.

"I SAW HER!" Harry bellowed in reply, to the shock of everyone in the room.

"B-but what is she doing here? We all thought-I mean, no contact from her at all, all this time!" remarked Tonks the Metamorphmagus, who today was sporting bright blue hair down to her waist.

"You won't believe it!" 

"What? Is she someone's slave? Oh no, has a vampire got her? Oh gods, please don't tell me…oh no!" moaned Ron pitifully. Mrs. Weasley rushed over and put her arm reassuringly around him.

"No, it's not that! She's not a slave, not anymore at least!"

"Well spit it out already, Harry mate, can't you see the suspense is killing our little brother here?" said Fred Weasley, who looked as though he was dying of suspense himself.

"Yeah Harry, tell us already!" echoed George.

Harry paused for a few laborious seconds before blurting out, "She's alive and well and MARRIED!!!"

"WHAT?!?!?!?!" cried everyone in the room. Every single jaw nearly hit the floor.

"All this time we thought she was dead and she's been MARRIED?" uttered Neville incredulously.

"Yes! But that's not all! It gets worse!" Harry continued.

"What, what, WHAT?" demanded Ron, whose color had now drained completely from his face at hearing that his girlfriend was now married to someone else.

"She's married to…brace yourselves…MALFOY! DRACO MALFOY!"

"**WHAT??!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?**" came another thunder of stunned gasps from everyone in the room.

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Thump! went Mrs. Weasley's body as she hit the floor in a dead faint. Ron looked like he was about to collapse unconscious himself.

"B-but how could this be? Hermione would never-!" Mr. Weasley asserted eyes wide.

"I'm not sure; I couldn't get much out of her. But from what I could deduce, she was forced to or something. Like she was a slave before and then for some reason or another, Voldemort forced her to marry Malfoy!" Harry hurriedly explained.

"But that makes no bloody sense! It's rubbish, I tell you! Voldemort would never marry off one of his most prized and loyal Death Eaters to a Muggle-born, you mark my words!" pointed out Mad-Eye, whose magical eye was spinning viciously around in its socket.

"That's what I don't understand as well! Hermione didn't have time to explain…I ran into her at Starbucks in Central Square…she was there with Malfoy and this blond vampire…they were having a brawl of some sort and afterwards Malfoy just dragged her away!" Harry recounted.

"He didn't-he didn't recognize you, did he, that Malfoy? I mean, he doesn't know who Dudley Dursley is, does he, Harry?" Arthur Weasley asked warily.

"No, no, Hermione covered it all up. She-she told him I was her ex-boyfriend from Beauxbatons. He hasn't got a clue, that I'm sure," Harry reassured him.

"Not if Hermione Granger has turned traitor on us!" grumbled Mad-Eye darkly.

"No! She hasn't, I know it! I know the story seems dodgy, but Hermione would never betray us. And besides, she was pleading for my help. She mouthed it to me and it was all in her eyes! Whatever predicament she's in, it's against her will, I know it."

"But that still doesn't explain why Voldemort would want someone like her married to Draco Malfoy. I mean, Draco's got to be one of the Dark Lord's most loyal servants, next to Lucius Malfoy himself. The pieces just don't…fit," commented Kingsley Shacklebolt, rubbing his chin thoughtfully.

"True…but Voldemort would never do anything without a reason, as maniacal as he is. There's got to be a reason why…I mean, of all the witches, he chose Harry Potter's best friend…there must be a reason," Tonks added, looking thoughtful herself.

"Well, whatever it is, we won't know just standing and gaping around here, would we?" spoke up Mundungus Fletcher, rabidly scratching his chest.

"Mundungus is right. We won't figure anything out by just speculating in a rundown shack. Personally, I think there's more to Hermione's marriage than just being Draco Malfoy's wife. Voldemort obviously must want her for something-something big. I bet supernatural forces are involved here," suggested Luna, who until then had been silent the whole time.

George gave her an irritated look. "You _always_ think something supernatural is involved."

"True, but what else can explain such a situation? Unless Voldemort's gone mad…but we already knew that," Luna replied.

"Luna has a point. There's something more at play here and I've got a gut feeling this is going to turn out to be a lot bigger than we think. I reckon we oughta lay low and keep snooping around before we do anything drastic," Tonks said.

"No, we haven't got time! We need to make a rescue plan for Hermione at once!" Harry argued determinedly.

"A rescue plan?!" exclaimed everyone once again in unison.

"Yes, while Hermione's still here! Our chances are much slimmer if she goes back to Malfoy Manor, which is where I assume she'll be most of the time," Harry reasoned.

"No, Potter, we can't do anything now…we're in hiding, remember?" reminded Mad-Eye.

"It doesn't matter, we can disguise ourselves! Look, this is our chance, we have to-"

"I'm afraid Mad-Eye's right, Harry. Dumbledore gave us strict orders to do absolutely nothing but hide and keep our eyes and ears open," Mr. Weasley spoke.

"Yes but he doesn't know about Hermione, does he? Look, we've sat around and spied around and done absolutely nothing for months! What kind of Rebel Alliance are we, if we won't even rescue one of our own when she's within our grasp?" Harry shot back severely.

"It's still the Malfoys we're dealing with, Harry. Listen, I know my aunt and her family. There is no way Narcissa or her husband would ever let their son marry a Muggle-born unless it was a life or death matter, trust me. Something foul is up and it'll be too dangerous for us to get involved with it right now. Remember that we are all on Voldemort's hit list. Look, let's just wait until Remus returns. If all succeeds, then maybe he'll be able to come back with our answers," Tonks reasoned.

"Yeah, Potter, she's right. Let Remus come. And if he's got who he's supposed to get with him, then we might be able to know enough to hatch this rescue plan. But until then we gotta wait, " growled Mad-Eye.

"Right. Nothing more we can do at the moment, it seems. Er…I think I should wake Mum up now," George said before bending down towards his mother who was sprawled on the floor and saying, "_Ennervate_!"

Harry, however, wasn't satisfied with just waiting. What if Hermione's the one waiting for _them_ to come and save her and they don't? What if Malfoy's done something horrible to her by now? What if she's gotten away and is trying to look for them? Troubled by his thoughts, he glanced over at Ron, who was now sitting hunched-back on the wooden chair with a strange, blank expression on his face.

Slowly, Harry approached him. "Ron? Ron, are you okay?"

Ron remained silent, staring dazedly at the floor.

"Ron, it's alright, Remus will come back soon, and after we know more, we can save her then," Harry consoled, wanting very much to comfort his best friend. Over on the other side of the room, Luna shot him a look of sympathy and worry.

Sighing, Harry put his arm around Ron. "It's okay, mate, we'll save her."

This time, Ron looked up and Harry could see pain etched on all corners of his face. 

"Tell me this is one big joke, Harry, please. Because it can't be…she'd never…not to me…" Ron mumbled painfully. 

"I'm sorry Ron, really I am, but at least we know she's alive," Harry tried.

"But she's married, Harry. To _him_," Ron managed to whisper.

"Well it wasn't a willing act on her part Ron, I'm sure of that. Don't worry. It'll be okay," comforted Harry.

"Yeah, Ron, cheer up. We'll figure things out soon and then we'll get her back and thwart Voldemort's plans for good," Tonks said brightly hoping to lighten the mood and giving Ron a sympathetic pat on the back, before walking away and ramming head-first into a cupboard.

**

"Ahh, here we are, laboratory sweet laboratory. Isn't it lovely, Severus?"

Severus Snape groaned and swore under his breath. He couldn't believe he was about to be a lab rat for his illegitimate half-brother! Presently, they had just Apparated into Severin Snape's experimental potions laboratory and nobody looked more eager about this than Severin himself.

"Now- oh look at the time. My hour's almost up! Why don't we have a quick test, shall we?" Severin suggested a little all too hastily.

"Your hour? What-" but before Snape could finish his sentence, Severin had already disappeared into an adjoining room to fetch certain potions. Shaking his head, Snape looked around at the dark dungeon laboratory that belonged to his half-brother. Although all of the equipment, cauldrons, and potion ingredients looked in place, he couldn't help but feel that something was amiss.

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Would this be where I meet my untimely end? Alone, greasy-haired, and possibly naked (if my ever-loathed twit of a brother has kinky taste)?

"Ah, here we are!" came Severin's voice as he re-entered the lab clutching a thick book with _Severin's Moste Potente Potions_ engraved in gold on the cover.

"Let's see…" Severin continued talking to himself. "Where is it, where is-ah! Here. What a genius!" With that, he proceeded towards a shelf of ready-made potions and picked up a flask labeled _Epilepsia Paroxyserum_. 

Snape watched with a sinking stomach as Severin happily grasped the potion flask and marched back towards him.

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Gulp.

"Here we are, Sevvie brother dearest, the time has come for you to be a guinea pig! Now, open up and swallow this nicely, or else I'll be forced to use the Cruciatus on you," Severin threatened with glee.

Snape stared cautiously at the flask of purple liquid before him. "I've never heard of a potion called Epilepsia Paroxyserum. For all I know, it could be poison," he told his brother.

Severin looked thoughtful. "Hmm…true. For all you know, it could be. But for all I know, it doesn't matter. You're going to drink this. And the reason why you've never heard of it is because it is my very own exclusive concoction, brewed as a special treat for the Dark Lord himself," he replied, undeterred. "Now, be a good rat and drink up."

When Snape still refused to budge, Severin became more impatient.

"Look, I haven't got all day, alright? Drink up! Or would you rather I force it down your pitiful throat?"

Swallowing down both his saliva and his fears, Snape hesitantly reached for the flask of Epilepsia Paroxyserum. 

"What will-what will happen to me once I drink this?" Snape asked with dread.

"Well, we'll find out won't we? That's what lab rats are for, aren't they?" replied Severin.

Knowing that there was no way out, Snape did the only thing he knew he could. With a deep breath, he brought the flask to his mouth and allowed as much of the purple liquid as possible to enter.

"Brilliant, good pet! Now let's see what-"

SPLASH! Snape spat out all the potion he held in his mouth right into Severin's face as the other wizard leaned his head in.

Disoriented, startled, and temporarily blinded by the mixture of Epilepsia Paroxyserum and Snape's saliva, Severin lost his footing and fell onto a table of glass vials and broken cauldrons. Even though his feet were still bounded together by a jinx, Snape seized this opportunity to topple himself over Severin and kick him repeatedly in the groin by thrusting his knees.

"Nobody messes with me, not even family!" Snape glowered madly, as his knees continued punching into Severin's manhood, preventing Severin from reaching for his wand.

"Stop! St-AHHHHHHHH!!" screamed Severin in pain to no avail.

"Serves you right, you foul bastard!" howled Snape, his hands now wrung about Severin's neck, attempting to suffocate the fallen man.

With his air supply blocked and his fertility attacked, it seemed as though Severin Snape was nearing his end. However, at that moment, a series of unforgettable metamorphoses took place. First, Severin's body began heating up and his eyes grew wide. Then, patches of the man's flesh began bubbling up all over his skin, causing Snape to jump off in alarm. As he watched panting, his half-brother's body began curling up and writhing miserably on the stone floor. To his horror, he saw Severin's hair-which until then had been characteristically greasy and black- shorten up and change into a rather soft brown hue. Then, in front of his very eyes, Severin's body transformed completely into the build of another man, who now lay face down and gasping wildly on the floor.

"Wh-wh-what's this? Who-who're you?" Snape managed to speak in a shaky voice.

Slowly, the fallen figure hoisted himself up on his elbows and turned around to face the former Hogwarts Potions Master.

"It's me, you dolt!" the other man rasped, evidently still in pain.

Severus Snape stared at the person before him. If he thought the recent events leading to this moment were peculiar, it was no match to what he was thinking now. For presently, glaring at him and staggering was the body and face of…

"Lupin, you impotent fool of a werewolf! How _dare_ you!"

**

The flying carriage ride home for Draco, Hermione, and Stan was for the most part, quite uneventful. The three of them spent the entire time napping, or at least pretending to. It was, after all, a much more productive alternative than bickering all the way home. As the carriage began its descent towards the grounds of Malfoy Manor in the late Monday evening, something quaint caught Draco's eye as he peered lazily out the window.

"Where'd that come from?" he pondered aloud as he gazed at the grounds below. In the space where the family greenhouse used to be, a circular single-story stone house of some sort now stood. 

Curious as always, Hermione too looked out the window and was just as confused as Draco was. Why on Earth would the Malfoys need a small house when they had an enormous manor all to themselves? 

__

Surely not to house-gulp-more slaves? 

With a soft thud, the carriage landed and its occupants eagerly boarded out.

"Shunpike, you carry our luggage inside the Manor, the house-elves and Finnigan should take care of it from there," ordered Draco to Stan, who obeyed without protest.

"Come on, I'm curious to know what that's all about," he said to Hermione, and the three of them made their way to the front door of the Manor.

Before they could even reach the door though, it flung open and Seamus Finnigan swiftly ran out to greet them.

"You better hurry; the Lord has been awaiting your arrival inside!" Seamus informed them. When Draco remained still and instead gave him a hard look, Seamus added a tight "Sir."

Satisfied, Draco grabbed Hermione's arm and dragged her into the Manor, with Stan trailing close behind. Quietly, they entered the parlor, where they found Voldemort sitting in his usual velvet high chair. Narcissa and Lucius Malfoy were both seated nervously on the sofa.

"Ah, Mr. and Mrs. Draco Malfoy, welcome back! How was your honeymoon?" Voldemort inquired of them cheerily.

"Erm…it was fine my Lord, thank you," Draco answered, bowing low. 

Hermione, however, remained rooted in her spot and adamantly refused to bow.

"I see your wife is still quite obstinate. This will not do. Bow, I say," Voldemort commanded Hermione.

"Just do it, get it over with," Draco hissed at his wife.

Muttering impressive obscenities under her breath, Hermione allowed herself for once to do what she was told by Voldemort, just so that the moment would pass. 

"Wonderful, I see we are learning our places around here. Good, good. Now, I suppose-as has been the custom around here for awhile now- you are all wondering why I'm here?"

Everyone in the room nodded, including Seamus and Ginny who were, as usual, eavesdropping unseen just outside the door. That was, of course, when Voldemort took note of Stan's presence.

"And who are you?" he demanded.

"Oh, right, my Lord, when I heard that Father had gotten rid of Snape I thought I might as well buy him another slave," Draco stepped forward to explain. "This is Stan Shunpike, the former conductor of the Knight Bus, newest addition to the Malfoy Slave family."

"I see," spoke Lucius, getting up to survey Stan. "Yes, he'll do, but not as my slave. It is rather a redundant position I reserve only to torture certain individuals for my twisted pleasure, such as in the case of our dear friend Severus Snape. But for you, I have a more significant duty. How does being in charge of the Malfoy stables sound to you?"

For a second, Stan was speechless, apparently baffled at his newfound fortune. "Y-you want me to be a stable boy, sir?"

"Yes, yes, that's right. I've got a few horses and Thestrals down in the stables and coincidentally the wizard who had been in charge of them has decided to elope and run away with the milkmaid. Well, what do you say? Are you up to the job?"

'I-er…certainly, sir!" affirmed Stan, who thought being anything was better than being a slave.

"Hold on there, since the horses and Thestrals are all mine, _I_ should be the one to see whether or not he is qualified for the position," piped up Narcissa, who was looking at Stan with obvious intrigue. Slowly, she lifted herself off the sofa and strolled gracefully towards the young wizard, eyeing him up and down.

"So, Stan Shunpike…can you ride?" she asked him suggestively with a small alluring smile. For a woman in her mid-forties, Narcissa was still beautiful and her feminine charms did not waver.

Speechless once again but for a different reason, Stan could only nod.

"Wonderful. He'll do, Lucius," she confirmed, turning towards her husband.

"Magnificent. Now that we've all decided Stan dearest can be the stable boy, may _I_ continue with the reason as to why I am here?" Voldemort voiced rather impatiently.

"Oh! Forgive me, my Lord, yes, do continue Sire," Lucius quickly stated.

"Thank you. Now, I know all of us here are still wondering why it is that I must have my faithful Death Eater marry such filth as Harry Potter's Mudblood."

"Excuse me, I beg your pardon-" Hermione started indignantly, before a stony look from her husband silenced her.

"Right. Anyway, I am pleased to tell you that the answer is drawing near. We will discuss that topic again when the time comes. For now, though, I have come to the realization that a mere marriage may not be enough. In fact, it isn't and I see now that I need more from the two of you," Voldemort said to Draco and Hermione.

"I'm sorry, my Lord, but I don't understand. What more can we possibly give you?" inquired Draco, puzzled.

Voldemort smiled his most wicked smile. "What else? A physical symbol of your most advantageous union."

When his audience still gave him perplexed looks, Voldemort rolled his evil snake-eyes. "In other words, a child."

"A WHAT?!" cried Draco, Hermione, Lucius, and Narcissa all in unison.

"A child," Voldemort calmly repeated.

Hermione couldn't take this anymore. "Oh please, that is so lame! It's THE most expected thing to do, I've read about it in almost every love/hate-forced-together-couple story there is! Please, this is getting quite old, I've heard of this before! You want our child to be your heir, don't you? That's it, isn't it? How completely _unoriginal!_" she declared vehemently.

Voldemort responded to her outburst with a short laugh.

"Not quite, Mistress Malfoy. I do not wish for an heir. And why would I? I plan to be immortal-I will need no heir," Voldemort replied smoothly.

"Then? What is the child for, then?"

"That is a matter that is not of your concern at the moment, Mrs. Malfoy. You will find out all in due time. But for now, all that you need to know is nothing, and all that you need to do is procreate."

"Easy for you to say! You don't have to mate with _him_!" Hermione spat out, pointing at Draco.

"But, my Lord, you cannot possibly be serious. I mean, I am sure you must be aware of the Malfoy First-born Curse?" Lucius spoke up.

"Yes, I am. The curse that your ancestors willingly inflicted on all Malfoy descendants in order to prevent sibling disputes concerning inheritance. And your point is?"

"Well, my Lord, then you must understand that my son and his wife cannot…breed. Any child of theirs would be a half-blood and therefore unfit to bear the name Malfoy. Yet, because of the Curse, it must always be that a Malfoy's first-born child would be a boy and the _only_ boy born to that Malfoy. Because of this, my son's first-born will be a son and thus, the only heir to the Malfoy name. Yet he will be half-blooded and theoretically unable to carry on the name of Malfoy," explained Lucius.

"I understand that, Lucius. But this is the way things must be. You'll have to make do with the theory."

"But, Lord, _you cannot be serious!_ You cannot consciously let the future heir of the prestigious Pureblood Malfoy clan be a half-blood! Our whole bloodline is at stake!"

"Under the circumstances, Lucius, yes I can."

"But, my Lord, forgive me for saying this, Sire, oh Greatness, but ARE YOU INSANE?! That's preposterous!"

Voldemort's red eyes blazed. "Yes, Lucius, I am _both_ serious and insane! But that is not the point here, is it?"

Helpless, Hermione chanced a furtive glance at Draco to see his jaw hanging wide open and him stiff with shock. Shifting her gaze to her father-in-law, she saw that his face was turning from a shade of angry beet scarlet to pale hopeless white.

"My mighty Lord, with all due respect sir-" he began again, only to be silenced once more by Voldemort who was looking far less than pleased.

"That is enough, Lucius! I will hear no more protests from you or anyone else. I have my reasons and you, being my loyal servants, must bear with them. I want a child from Draco and Potter's Mudblood and that is FINAL!"

Behind Hermione and Draco, Narcissa muttered an incoherent gasp before her eyes rolled up to the back of her head and she collapsed in a dead faint. Nobody made a move to catch her but Stan, who had been standing right beside her. He caught her most ceremoniously, and Hermione swore she saw from the corner of her eye Narcissa's eyelids fluttering open briefly and her lips moving to whisper devilishly "Ooh, such firm arms" before falling unconscious again. 

"My Lord, if I may," Draco addressed at that moment, with all the calmness and self-control he could muster. "You must understand, sir, that my wife and I are in no position to…erm…_fornicate_. We despise each other much too deeply to allow ourselves to perform such an intimate act with one another. We may try, but I can assure you right now, it will be unsuccessful."

At his statement, Voldemort raised an amused eyebrow-or what was left of one. "Is that so? Well we are in luck then. For I have in my authority a most useful Seer who has very conveniently foreseen this unwilling attitude from you. Consequently, I've already made suitable arrangements that should accommodate you in your task to produce me a child."

"Arrangements, sir?" 

"Yes, arrangements. You see, I have instructed your father to temporarily demolish Narcissa's greenhouse and build in its place a cozy one-bedroom housing unit specially suited to the likes of Draco and Hermione Malfoy. He, of course, has had no idea why I instructed him to do so until this minute," Voldemort explicated. "In fact, why don't we get this over with now? Everyone, follow me to the Love Hut-as I've fondly named it," Voldemort added with a cheeky grin to the horror-stricken faces of Lucius, Draco, and Hermione.

With a crack, both Voldemort and Lucius Malfoy Disapparated from the parlor to the Hut.

"I…er…suppose Lady Malfoy oughta rest up in bed, I reckon," came Stan's awkward voice. He was still holding the unconscious Narcissa Malfoy in his arms.

"Lie her down on the sofa. Red will tend to her," Draco instructed blandly, not really caring at all about his mother's condition at this point.

Hermione looked somberly at him. 'I-er-I don't have my wand, I'll have to walk, I can't…"

Without uttering so much as a word, Draco grumpily stalked towards Hermione and wrapped his arms around her, so that she was in his hold.

__

What is he doing?! Oh right…well this isn't so bad, I had no idea his embrace could be so…warm…

With another crack, Draco Apparated the both of them inside the Love Hut. Once inside, they found the Hut to be quite fashionably and expensively adorned. It was more or less like a studio apartment, really; the whole Hut consisted of only the bedroom and the bathroom, with a few velvet couches and chairs set along the side of the bedroom. Circular windows, a fireplace, and a small dining table rounded off the furniture and built-ins of the Hut. Hermione hated to admit this, but Voldemort was right-it was indeed a pretty cozy place and under different circumstances, she would've liked it a lot.

"Now," began Voldemort, once everyone was in place, "As you two newlyweds will notice, all of the windows have been charmed to remain closed and the glass to be unbreakable. The fireplace is not connected to the Floo Network. A special Anti-Disapparition Jinx has been cast to specifically prevent the Disapparition of anyone out of the Hut-you may Apparate in, but never Disapparate out. So the only other way to enter and exit this dainty establishment is through the door, which has also been charmed to remain shut-after Lucius and I exit it today, of course- until it is able to detect the conception of a child within young Mistress Malfoy's womb."

"WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!" cried all three remaining voices in trauma. 

"My Lord! You cannot expect me to keep my own son locked up here-" started Lucius, a mixture of anger, surprise, abhorrence, and incredulity apparent on his face.

"I very well can, Lucius. And the longer they try to disobey me, the longer they will remain here," Voldemort stated calmly.

"My Lord, I have been nothing but faithful and loyal to you all this time! I do not see how this merits in my house-arrest!" argued Draco, not yet so willing to back down.

"Young Draco, your past achievements have done you no wrong. But they do not measure to the importance of this task at hand. Accomplish this, and you will be rewarded beyond your wildest dreams," baited Voldemort.

Draco shut up then, and looked as though he was considering the situation gravely. "What…kind of rewards are we talking about, sire?"

Voldemort's lips twitched into an evil smirk. "Well, conditions are not negotiable, but I think we're looking at life-long and semi-absolute power for you, Draco, over wizarding Africa once I've conquered it and eternal freedom for you, Mistress Malfoy, after this charade is over."

Hermione scoffed at this, but Draco seemed to take a keen interest in the offer. "You mean Her-er-my wife and I may get divorced after this whole fiasco? And I would become powerful while she would be freed?"

"Yes."

"Hmm…" went Draco as he began to rub his chin and reconsider his options.

"No way, Malfoy, you can't seriously believe him!" Hermione burst out to her husband. "Look, Voldemort, this is ridiculous. I do not know what sick pleasure you get out of forcing us to-to-" she attempted to dispute, but again, her efforts were futile.

"It is of no use, I've already set my mind. So say hello to your new housing arrangements. Lucius and I will be taking leave of you now. The house-elves will bring in your clothes, personal trunks, and food for meals. Good day and happy conceiving!" Voldemort bid, before gliding towards the door with a helpless, sour-faced Lucius Malfoy strutting behind him.

"Voldemort, you're mad! This is going one step too far! You abominable pervert!" shrieked Hermione after them, still fervently wishing that it was all a horrible nightmare and that Voldemort would come to his mad senses and reconsider.

Abruptly, Voldemort whipped around, and this time there was only malice shining from the depths of his piercing eyes. "For the top witch at Hogwarts, you are awfully slow at grasping the concepts at hand, aren't you, Mrs. Malfoy?"

"The only concept I grasp is that you are wickedly sick and-"

"Tut tut, thank you for all the compliments, but really, I expected more from that brain of yours. You see, similar to the instance where I ordered you and young Master Malfoy to wed and to embark on your honeymoon, your options are as follows: do as I say, or meet a most gruesome, merciless doom."

Hermione, however, stood undisturbed by Voldemort's menace and held her head up defiantly. "You won't kill us. You need us for something and we all know that so save your death threats because they are pointless," she ascertained confidently with her chin in the air and arms folded.

Voldemort gave another one of his characteristic short, dry laughs. "Oh, I wouldn't be too sure of that if I were you. According to the prophecy, it could have been another pair…but let's hope it's you and Draco, for both of your sakes."

"But-"

"NO MORE BUTS!" yelled Voldemort very much exasperated. "Listen closely foolish Mudblood because this is the LAST time I will warn you. PROCREATE OR DIE!"

With that, the Dark Lord stormed out the door with his heavy cloak swooshing sinisterly behind him and a very distraught Lucius Malfoy looking as though he'd rather have tea with a Blast-Ended Skrewt following out miserably, shutting indefinitely the door to freedom behind them.

**

"You ignorant wanker, you prat of a wolf! How dare you trick me like this! I will not be played for a fool!"

Severus Snape had been ranting nonstop for the past fifteen minutes. He couldn't believe that the whole time he thought he was at the mercy of his illegitimate, evil half-brother, he was actually in the hands of one of his old school nemeses and fellow member of the Order of the Phoenix. The whole time he thought his life was in danger, it had all been a scam.

"Oh, for Merlin's beard, will you shut it already? I came to save your pitiful life, you should learn some gratitude! If it weren't for me, you'd still be chained up pathetically in the Malfoy dungeons, Snivellus!" Remus Lupin snapped back.

"No matter, there was absolutely no need for you to have led me on and hoodwink me into almost drinking a potentially dangerous potion! You dreadful pile of bat crap! You'll pay for this!" hollered Snape, still very much enraged at Lupin's deception.

"Hey, I was merely having some fun! What else has a werewolf got for entertainment in these dark days?"

"ARGH! I will NEVER make Wolfsbane for you ever again!"

"Alright, alright, I wasn't just having fun. Your illegitimate half-brother Severin really did invent a whole array of potions which our spies have deemed useful for our Cause. Voldemort's been creating more and more and the Alliance feels it is best to cripple this advantage of the Dark Lord at once. For months, we've tried to capture Severin and the minute we did, we learned that you had been taken by Lucius Malfoy as a slave. So, it was decided that I would Polyjuice myself as Severin and see what I could do to get in touch with you and rescue you. Fortunately, the opportunity came up almost instantly and here I am, saving your godforsaken arse!" recounted Lupin.

"Fine, fine! Let's get out of here then, and I'll deal with you later. Take me to Dumbledore," Snape told Lupin, who shook his head almost instantly.

"That can't be done. We have no idea where Dumbledore is at the moment-he is the one who contacts us first and we haven't heard from him in almost two months. He is Harry's Secret-Keeper after all, and we can't have him caught by any chance. I am to bring you back to the Order's current secret hideout in Transylvania."

"Transylvania! The Order already in Europe! Is Potter and the others there?"

"Some of the others. The ones guarding Harry, mainly. The rest are scattered about, spying, snooping. But anyway, we'll save the questions and answers for later. Now, though, we must Floo to the Shrieking Shack in Hogsmeade, where I've made arrangements for a flying carriage to take us to Transylvania."

"And we are travelling just like this? We will get caught then!"

"Oh no, of course not. I'm not an idiot, Snape, I was once a Hogwarts Professor, in case you've forgotten. Anyway, we are going to travel incognito. I'll remain Severin Snape while you, my foul colleague, will be traveling as my charming pet, Mr. Snivels."

Then with a quick wave of Lupin's wand and a few muttered incantations, Snape found himself successfully transfigured into a scrawny black bat. 

"You know, you don't look so bad from this angle," Lupin informed him jovially as he stuffed his former Hogwarts colleague into a cage and locked it. "Kind of cute, if I may be honest." 

He then went off to collect some more potion samples and journals from Severin Snape's personal desks before their departure.

As he waited seething in his iron cage, Snape began devising multiple ways in which he would get revenge on Lupin once the whole ordeal was over. Looking at his new self though, Snape must admit it wasn't so bad. 

After all, they were always saying he looked like a vampire.

**

Ginny Weasley sauntered down the stairs after having consoled a violently sobbing Narcissa Malfoy and then putting her to sleep in her bedchambers. After waking up from her dead faint, Narcissa had begun to weep and wail uncontrollably at the prospect that the Pureblood future of the Malfoys was to come to an unprecedented end.

"Because of the -_sniff_- Curse, we're the only Malfoys -_hiccup_- around and so it all rested with -_sniff_- Draco to preserve and continue the bloodline! -_Sob_- And since Bella and Rudolph don't have any children, I'm the last to carry on the –_hiccup_- blood of the Blacks as well! Two pure bloodlines gone for good! Ahhhhhhhhh -_sob_- -_hiccup_- -_sniff_-" Narcissa had lamented mournfully to Ginny who, though Pureblooded herself, couldn't really sympathize with the older witch.

Anyhow, Narcissa was perfectly asleep now, and Ginny was eager to talk to Hermione about Voldemort's latest visit. Before she reached the bottom of the stairs however, she saw Seamus scurrying in through the front doors.

"I've just come back from the Love Hut! Oh Ginny it's horrible…You-Know-Who is putting Malfoy and Hermione under house-arrest until they can conceive a wee babe!" Seamus announced breathlessly to her.

"WHAT?!" cried Ginny, aghast. "That's absurd! Malfoy and Hermione can't…oh god, this is horrible! We've got to do something!"

"We can't do anything now though, or else they'd know I've been spying in," Seamus pointed out as he saw the silhouettes of Voldemort and Lucius Malfoy approaching the Manor from the corner of his eye.

"Okay, here's what we do. After Voldemort leaves, we'll sneak around the Hut and see if there's anyway we can break in."

"Don't be stupid, Ginny! They've got spells on the place and we haven't got our wands, you know that! It's a complete love fortress down there!"

"Very well, then! We'll just go down there and see if we can somehow communicate with Hermione and fetch her whatever it is she might need…and keep a lookout to make sure Malfoy doesn't jinx her or harm her in any way or whatever," Ginny persisted.

"Right then. Fine. Quick, go do something, they're coming back…I'll meet you outside the Hut in ten minutes!" spoke Seamus hurriedly before the two dashed off a little too inconspicuously in opposite directions.

**

"Well? What do we do now?" Malfoy asked worriedly. He had been pacing around the room nonstop ever since Voldemort's departure, approximately ten minutes ago.

At the moment, Hermione was still in the process of recovering from the trauma of being locked for an indefinite period of time inside a supposed 'love hut' with Draco Malfoy. She couldn't believe this…her and Malfoy…a child?! It was nonsensical. The Dark Lord had to have lost his head. 

"We're so doomed…even one as clever as yourself can't solve this…since there's no way I'm touching you…oh god, we're going to die…" moaned Malfoy, as he continued his pointless parading.

And that's when a light bulb flashed itself inside Hermione's head. 

"You know, Malfoy, I think there's a way we can get out of this," Hermione spoke at length.

"Oh, _really_? And what's that?" he retorted skeptically.

"Well, you see, in the Muggle world, there's this scientific method of fertilization that does not involve intercourse at all. Absolutely no coital activity. Mind you, it's not perfect- the risks of failure aren't low, and it can be quite costly, but with all of your wealth, I doubt financial matters would concern us. Anyway, it's called artificial insemination and how it works is-"

"No way. No Muggle methods, absolutely not." A look of pure disgust and revulsion crossed Malfoy's pale face.

"But Malfoy-"

"NO! I am not going to get myself involved in an unnatural, psychotic-sounding- and not to mention, _motionless_- Muggle process of reproduction!" he declared with conviction.

"Look Malfoy, your sperm will still be required you know, so it isn't like you won't need to-"

"NO!" roared Draco again. "No, no, and no is the final word!"

The flashing light bulb in Hermione's head exploded into a thousand crumbling pieces.

"FINE!" Hermione yelled, blood boiling. He was being so childish and impossible! 

"If that's how you want it, then we haven't any other choice but to actually consummate our marriage! Which means I'll have to endure the gross, stinking feel of your atrocious body sliming up all over me-"

"Excuse me?!" Malfoy was stunned. He, atrocious?! "I beg to differ! It is _I_ who must endure _your_ slimy body as it contaminates my fine, flawless skin! Your Mudblood filth meddling with my purity!"

"Oh what a _pity_, how _sorry_ I feel for you!" bit Hermione sarcastically, very much insulted.

"You should be! Besides, you're the atrocious one! As shrewd as you are, I bet you haven't a clue how intercourse works!" Malfoy ranted. 

At his accusation, Hermione went slightly pink. Well, it was true. She was a virgin and the farthest she had ever gone with Ron, her love, was snogging. However, she wasn't about to let Malfoy belittle her for it.

"Well, you're the one to talk! I can't imagine anyone who'd want to sleep with you except your ugly pug-nosed precious prejudiced girlfriend Pansy, which just shows how her standards obviously don't count!" Hermione raved with her chin raised. 

"Sorry to burst your bubble, woman, but I'll have you know that no Malfoy man has ever gone into a marriage as a virgin, even if their wives are expected to be, my _ex-fiancée_ Pansy included. I, of course, am no exception, and have done more than my fair share of _exploration_. I know for a fact that _I_ happen to be a first-rated lover," Draco asserted quite pompously.

"Like I would believe that! The only way you'd ever get witches to sleep with a sniveling, arrogant, pale-faced worm like yourself was if your father paid them! Which I bet he did!" Hermione stated viciously, crossing her arms.

At her words, Draco's eyes bulged out of its sockets and his face and ears flushed crimson. In a rage, he stormed towards her, halting only a few inches from her face. "How dare you! Don't you talk to me like that! You have no idea! Witches everywhere find me irresistible!"

"Don't flaunt yourself, Malfoy, I can assure you, you're _very_ resistible," Hermione shot back, standing her ground. 

Draco narrowed his eyes maliciously at her. "If you heard me correctly, I said _witches_ find me irresistible. Nowhere did I mention anything about the tastes of Muggles and Mudbloods."

Of course, as Hermione's hands wrenched itself onto his neck in the very next instant, he found himself regretting those words. 

"Ack! I…can't…breathe…let…go!" he rasped, trying to pry Hermione's hands off.

The anger that had flooded through Hermione at being insulted yet again by her husband had let loose some much needed adrenaline and she wasn't going to let go of Draco's neck so easily, even if it meant cutting off his air supply for good.

"You've insulted me for the last time, Malfoy!" she threatened, as her grip around his neck tightened. 

Surprised at her sudden strength, Draco had faltered at first, but not for long. In the end, he managed to muster enough might to push Hermione away. In one hard shove, he thrust his wife backwards, causing her to forcefully fall supinely onto their bed. Seeing her down on her back and momentarily at a disadvantage, he climbed onto the bed after her. Hovering over her body, he captured her wrists with his hands and pressed his thighs and knees roughly against hers so that she wouldn't be able to move her legs. 

"Let go of me!" demanded Hermione as she struggled in vain to free herself from Draco. 

"No! I've had it with you thinking you are the best around here! That you know everything! If it weren't for the Dark Lord and my family, you'd still be a slave! Therefore, you will learn your place in this household once and for all!" shouted Draco. Again, their faces were only inches apart and Draco couldn't help registering the tingly feeling that began to run all over his body. For some reason, he was finding it hard to remove his gaze from her flushed face.

"Damn this household! Let me go! You're hurting me!" By now, not only were Hermione's wrists and thighs in pain, but her adrenaline rush had also deserted her, resulting in her strength dwindling. Fruitlessly, she squirmed against her husband's hold.

It was then that Draco's heart skipped a beat and he felt an all-too familiar sensation taking place in his groin. 

__

Oh no…the Mudblood is turning me on! 

SHIT!

"I'll let you go if you take back all you've just said. You don't know me, you don't know what I'm capable of," he said to her in a voice that was a bit too husky to be safe.

"This is so silly! You insult me, offend me, and then expect me to praise you with being some sort of sex machine? In your dreams, Malfoy!"

Draco wasn't sure he knew what a machine was, but at her mentioning the word _sex_ he felt his hard-on coming even stronger. With their bodies being so close, in any second, Hermione would feel it too. Suddenly, he felt his nerves shaking and knew desperately that he could no longer be in this position and stay sane. Grunting, he removed his hold on her and jumped off the bed, turning his back on Hermione so that she would have no chance of seeing the rising bulge in his pants.

Feeling triumphant, Hermione pushed herself up and stood. Her legs were still a bit unsteady from being pushed so hard, but she couldn't force out of her system the perverse, lingering excitement that had come over her from being held down like that by her husband. It was weird…she never expected in a million years that he would be able to make her feel like _that_.

"We still haven't solved our problem, Draco," Hermione spoke, wanting to get her confused emotions out of the way and revert back to their original topic of argument. 

By now, Draco had calmed down somewhat, and thankfully, so had his manhood. Sighing, he nodded in agreement at Hermione's words. Deep down, he knew that they had no other way out.

"I don't know what else we can do. What the Dark Lord wants, he gets. Now, I am the last person in the world who would want to do this-and don't disagree with me, I'm sure a part of _you_ must be all giddy at the thought of sleeping with such an esteemed Pureblood such as myself-but I share no such sentiments. Though, in any case, I don't suppose we could-"

"EXCUSE ME? Are you suggesting that I may be thrilled at the thought of having to…_make babies_ with you?!" asked Hermione disbelievingly, temper rising once again. "Why you abominable narcissist!"

"Hey, is it a crime if I take after my mother? Look, all I'm saying is that it's worse for me than it is for you. Not only is the thought alone revolting to me, but also the act…how ghastly. You have the advantage of having me, the excellent lover that I am, to possibly give you pleasure in the process, but I can expect no such favor from you," Draco explained haughtily, turning around to face Hermione again.

"Why you insolent spawn of arrogance!" Hermione alleged, frustrated and slightly offended. "If we do pursue this…_act_…it won't be for pleasurable purposes at all! Quick and swift it would have to be, and I can care less whether you feel satisfied or not. And 'excellent lover' my arse!" Hermione added, hands on her hips.

The two newlyweds stared at each other for a torturous moment-but it was enough. Glaring into Draco's steel gray eyes, Hermione felt the whirlwind of anger and excitement roll into one, causing her heart to throb deliriously fast against her will and her prude logic to fly out the window. 

"I _am_ one," Draco insisted quietly but dangerously.

"Yeah? Then prove it, pond scum!" she dared him, gaze unflinching.

"I **WILL**, muck blood!" he returned with an almost desperate fervor.

And with that, Draco charged towards Hermione and literally jumped on top of her, toppling them both onto their new four-poster. Consumed by passionate rage, he tore off the front of Hermione's robes with his teeth and hands. He then started covering her soft, warm lips, face, neck, and exposed breasts with hard, sensuous kisses, before stripping off his own clothing. Through it all, Hermione's mind determinedly protested against this vulgar deed but her heart and body would hear none of it. Moaning half in pain and half in twisted pleasure, she fiercely helped him yank off his shirt and for the first time in her life, willingly embraced her husband's bare chest. Her fury and hate had intensified at his first touch, but now it too, had morphed into a reckless, burning passion, throwing every single part of her conscious self into a frenzy of exploding sensations.

__

No, this can't be…ahh…he can't be right…he's not good…no…this…is…not…Malfoy…no…I can't be with him…like this…nono…not Draco…oh god…ahh…no…god…nogodnogodnono…

**

Outside, Seamus Finnigan struggled for breath as he peered through the keyhole of the Love Hut's door. His jaw dropped open and hung wide. Engrossed in what he saw, he didn't even realize that his saliva was seeping out of his hanging mouth and dripping carelessly down the left side of his chin. Trying to shove sanity back into his mind, he willed himself to jump back into reality. Flushing the brightest shade of red, he finally steered his eyes away from the hole, wiped off his dripping saliva with the sleeve of his robe, and quickly got up.

"We're leaving NOW," he informed a worried Ginny with a shaky voice, grabbing her arm and leading her away in a huff. He and Ginny had been staking out beside the Love Hut ever since Voldemort left, looking for any openings through which they could help their trapped friend.

"What? No! Why? What happened? What did you see? Why have they stopped shouting? What's going on?" cried Ginny, refusing to move any further until she got answers.

Seamus whipped his head around to face her, seemingly embarrassed. "Er…we're not _necessary_…anymore…"

"Seamus, I'm not taking another step until you spill it out. We need to be here in case Malfoy hexes her!"

"No, we don't, because I can tell you now, he won't be hexing her anytime soon," Seamus assured uncomfortably.

"Stop this, Seamus! For god's sake, just tell me! What are they doing?"

"Fine! They're doing what Voldemort wanted them to! There, now are you happy? Can we go?" and without waiting to hear her response, he made his way back towards the Manor, face glowing with absolute embarrassment. 

For a moment Ginny stood still, confounded. "Huh? But Voldemort wants them to…"

And then it hit her. Hard.

"HOLY BABY MERLIN!"

**

****

A/N: Um…er…I WAS SO SILLY! Ok, I said it would be an **R** rating but it sort of could still pass for PG-13, being that I am SO HORRIBLE at writing such scenes! I'm really bad I know…but hey, that was it, my first ever attempt at a not-too-graphic sex scene. My original build up was more fast-paced and funnier, but I realized it was too unrealistic. I'm not even sure how believable _this_ is…I mean, I tried my best to approach this obstacle with as much faithfulness to D and Hr's canon personalities as possible and I think for them to consent to intercourse with one another would have to be something purely out of emotion and not exactly logic…so that's what I was trying to do. I was also trying to not breach the PG-13 rating while simultaneously satisfying those of you who want some stuff on the R side…I hope I haven't disappointed you too much…I still kind of need help with scenes such as these, so I welcome any constructive criticisms you may have on my (horrid) performance so far…I assure you, this chapter contains the most graphic sex there ever will be in this story (and hopefully it wasn't very graphic).

I'm also disappointed with my inability to keep D and Hr IC…no matter how hard I try, they always seem OOC to me! I mean, I think they bicker with each other far too much when in canon, they barely talk.

By the way, this is the last time I warn you guys of OotP spoilers…since the remainder of the story will be set upon the basis of the events that occurred in OotP, I can't very well warn of spoilers for every chapter…certain things will just get incorporated into my story (such as new characters and inferences to past events), although they won't be very big. For those of you who haven't read OotP yet, I'm sorry. You might want to put off reading my fic until you do (but do come back to read and review it after you're finished!).

Lastly, I've just recently got myself a **Livejournal** so from now on, I will post up any updating news on my fanfics on the LJ, so feel free to check it out periodically here. If any of you have your own LJ, feel free to add me if you want and I'll add you back :)

****

Routine teasers:

Hermione gets a startling revelation (guess what it is). Snape returns to the Order and stage 1 of their rescue plan takes place. Lucius Malfoy gets a startling revelation of his own. A chance meeting occurs in Diagon Alley. 

Luv,

~smashing sugar~


	9. Urgent Note

**URGENT NOTE! PLEASE READ! VERY IMPORTANT! CONCERNS RATING!**

**A/N:** Ok, ok, shoot me! So this isn't a new chapter, but before you do anything drastic (i.e. strangle me), I must tell you that the new chapter is FINISHED and in the process of being TWEAKED. It's been beta read once already by my new beta, but I'm still waiting for it from my old one (I've got 2 now). I can tell you now that it is the longest chap to date (over 12,000 words and was the hardest to write). However, that is not the urgent note I wish to tell you of.

My important notice to you all is that after much contemplation (and disappointment to me), I've decided to upgrade the rating from **PG-13** **to** **R**. I'm really, really sorry. I know that many of you who read this are younger than 17 and I'm sorry to have to do this to you all. However, I stand by my word that nothing more explicit than what I delineated in my previous chapter concerning sex will be written and posted, but my decision to upgrade the rating comes from the fact that there will be several instances in future scenes where nudity and vague sexual scenes will be present. The former applies to the very next chapter, in fact. I am aware that many of you who are under-aged are mature enough to stand nudity and even explicit sex, and if I wasn't scared of being banned by FF.net, I'd still leave it at PG-13. This story was never meant for children but for teenagers and above and I hate having to put it so that it seems exclusive to only adult readers, because it isn't like that at all. Because I was aware of these things when I was 13 and I was already a freshmen in high school then, so who's to say what age is appropriate enough for these themes? But according to the guidelines, sexually-oriented nudity can't be in PG-13 so I have no choice but to up the rating.

In any case, I'd still like to invite all of you who feel that you are mature enough to read such scenes and understand the reason for these themes (and even if you're uncomfortable with them you can skip them, there aren't so many) to continue reading my fic. I don't want to lose any old readers or close doors to new ones by my little rating upgrade.

Again, I assure you that sexual themes are NOT the central part of this fic at all (unlike many other R fics) and so there will be very minimal of that where I can help it, but where I can't (because Draco and Hermione are adults here and they have a mind of their own), please bear with me. 

So, in conclusion, this is the last update for Marry or Die under PG-13. You will now have to look for it under the **R** category after this. 

The next chapter will be updated very soon. Hopefully by tomorrow and if possible, maybe earlier in a few hours. 

I would also like to apologize for my delay in update. Believe me, I've done nothing but fanfiction for weeks. 

Well, that's all I have to say for now, so thanks a bunch and check back for an update VERY soon :D

~smashing sugar~


	10. Surprising Discoveries

**Rating: **R from now on!

**A/N: **Hello lovely fanfic-crazed entities! I'm back! Whee! And its only been two weeks over a month! Not bad, considering last time it took me TWO months! No rotten fruits for me this time, right? *flying orange hits head* Okay, maybe not. See, I was busy with summer school (it paid off because I ended getting all A's on my summer courses, raising my GPA to a 3.62, whee! For you brains out there I know it doesn't sound like much, but at least I'm making first honors in economics which I happen to loathe!) And then I got busy with writing on fictionpress *looks guiltily about*. But anyway, I will lament on how ARDUOUS it was to write this friggin chap, you have NO idea. It's the longest so far and took me weeks and I still can't say I'm overly proud of it, but at least I'm happy with it (unlike a week ago when I wanted to tear it apart and cry). Anywho, I've gotten tremendous reviews since last time, and I'm glad that you guys out there are writing longer and more helpful reviews. So, without further ado, let me thank you:

**October-Potter-Snape**: No, I'm afraid those are his forefathers' names, not murder suspects…though that would be interesting, won't it? And thanks for reviewing at the end, better late than never! *winks*

**Kiya**** Mikayla Kideackiy**: Thank you, I know this isn't soon, but here you go!

**Hermione182**: Thanks, I was really nervous about the Order scene because I thought it was too lame! I'm glad you liked it though, and I agree, how could JK?! Poor Sirius!

**Sila-chan**: Thank you for putting this on your favorites! *beams* And for reviewing twice! You're right, it would've been better if I had Draco calm down first but oh well! Best to be spontaneous, no? Oh and I took your advice (some other ppl suggested this as well) so read on to find out what it was!

**couch-potato01**: err…the blank stare…um…were you shocked or were you horribly appalled? :P

**arbitrary**: you're completely right, updating soon is definitely wishful thinking when it comes to me! I agree with not wanting to be too graphic and despite my raise in rating I plan to keep to that as much as possible…speaking of which, you didn't sign in so I was wondering if you are the same arbitrary who is the author of Temporary Insanity?

**ANGiE**: thank you, I'm happy you enjoyed this!

**halosangel**: *grins and beams* thank you! I'm glad you like my writing!

**The Otaku of Superness**: You reviewed! Whee! And then you stopped reviewing at the 3rd chap!! Boo!

**Lena**: THANKS so much, I'm really happy that you don't find Draco and Hermione OOC (even though I still do haha) and I hope you'll still think so after this chapter! *nervous gulps*

**Linwe**** Amandil**: Thank you, keep reading!

**tom4eva**: Yay, you loved my "love" scene! :D Thanks a lot, though I didn't quite understand it when you said "pls make them stop and continue" (because my brain stops working sometimes)…do you mean to continue with the lurving?

**Sailor Moon Rose**: Yup, long chappies and this one even longer, though I didn't take two months so at least I lived up to that! And about her pregnancy…well…read on, girl! :D

**BeanANGIEperson**: definitely, here you go!

**Madame Plot Bunnie**: *blushes* me, the queen? *more blushes* but thank you! Yes, I'm back and I did run off for a teensy bit, but not as long as last time, thank goodness. Anywho, YES, I plan to repost The Preposterous Wager (and like all plans of mine they tend to "gang aft agley") eventually. The reason I haven't yet is because I want to revamp the whole thing so it could be OotP-revised since it takes place in their 6th year and all and I still have to finish the latest chap for that. So I'm thinking it'll be reposted after I'm done with this fic, which, I'm afraid, will take awhile :( And you've started a bet-thing too? I don't remember seeing it, have you posted it up yet?

**Tangerine Fizz**: THANK YOU SO MUCH! Wow, I assure you, I'm no genius, just a loony D/Hr fanatic who happens to be English literate and owns a readily accessible laptop! But thanks again, your review made me smile really big! :D

**Cute-Kitty**: I hope this gets you laughing too :P

**Jessica**: Of course I don't want you to go insane! So to save your sanity, here's another chap!

**Kangarooster**: Thanks muchly, I hope I can continue the trend of getting better and better like you pointed out *fidgets nervously* Anyway, I'm curious…are you the same Kangarooster on fictionalley who writes Anmarie Island?

**Quietus Mal Foi**: Hehehe you loved those lines? Hahaha, you must thank Voldie and Ginny then! Yup, I hurried my best, hope you like this!

**Cara**: Thank you, I'm glad you think this is one of the best! :D:D I'm sorry I kept you waiting long last time and a bit long this time as well, but I hope at least the long length will satisfy you!

**Lucy A.**: No problem 'bout the mix up, I think I've sorted you guys out :) It's great that you don't mind D and Hr being OOC at times because they just have to be in some situations, you know? And yes, definitely, Draco's arrogance played a big part in it! And as for the startling revelation…good point you brought up…why don't you see if I took you up on it? Read on! :D

**twirlerchick**: THANK YOU! Your praises made me smile :D And I'm happy you think the love scene fits.

**dan**** fan**: thanks, you've reviewed twice, did you! well, this is as ASAP as I can make it! I'll try to go faster next time (I *always* say that and look at me) Hope you read this!

**wildchartermage**: whop dee doo, look what I did with the rating!

**RaistlinofMetallica**: Your comment about your reattachable ass had me cracking up bad! Tee hee! I'm glad you've reviewed again, keep reviewing!

**Pampers**: sequel?!?! Ok I noticed your agony but you meant the next chap right, because I haven't finished the story yet so there can't be a sequel! :P

**Cece**: I would never hate you! You've always been a loyal reviewer, how could I? And what you wrote was not a flame at all, it's pure constructive criticism and believe me, I really appreciate that! :D Now to address your points: 1) Yes, I did mean to say muck blood because while it is weird and makes no sense, I was sick of the word Mudblood; 2) I understand perfectly how the "charged" made it look rushed, and I did want to get the scene over and done with, but that wasn't why I chose the word…you see, I wanted to demonstrate a sort of animalistic, wild hunger that Draco was feeling…so I used "charged" because I thought it would associate more with animals 'charging' here and there. But you know what? I think your writing skills are fine because I LOVED your sentence…it is descriptive enough but not too much and captures close to the same essence of what I was trying to do (perhaps more humanly as well). And yes, I do start off with the 'morning after' scene, so go check that out :D Again, before I leave off, I'm sorry I didn't make the part better but I'm really thankful for your criticism, really, I need more of those, and I'm happy you liked the chap despite my little flaw. I look forward to more of your reviews (as always!) :D

**lizzie/LizzieMalfoy1**: I'm glad you reviewed those many times considering you only review at the end! Thanks for putting on your faves girl, I'm really flattered, and don't forget to review this chap too! :D

**Bookworm111**, **Autumn Malfoy, Oo.DrAcOzAnJel.oO, RodacChic, GirlEnigma, Jessica-Black5,** **Jesse S, Noodles2**: Thanks, I try to get it in as soon as I can, so here you go!

**Emmies**: Thanks, I'm happy you find the chap balanced and as for more passionate moments well…all I have to say is…read on!

**dracoJAE**: thank you! you don't update the site anymore? You should because it's really cute! And you should get writing on your WIP! Or you'll end up like me, the world's biggest procrastinator!

**a**: I think your review was supposed to go to another story's, oh well, blame ff.net!

**Rosaline**: And a humble reader you are! I appreciate everyone telling me to update soon, but I also really appreciate how you tell me to take my time as long as the chappie's good! *smiles broadly* thank you. I'm also glad you liked the sex scene, though I'd like to see yours some time ;) And phooey on AIM for not working! 

**Kerbi**: Yes, our friend Dray gets jealous quite a bitty! And I wouldn't mind mating with him either…I'd jump in the sack in a second! *scolds myself for naughty thoughts with Draco* Genie in a Bottle, eh? I never thought of that, but it does make sense a bit…hehehe…:P

**Lyzzane**: Hey, I wouldn't mind giving you the LJ code, but thing is, because I'm not a paid member I can only generate one unless I do some service for LJ which I haven't. So, I only had one to begin with and I gave it already to someone else, so I'm really sorry about that. If I do come up with another one, and you still need one by then, I'll let you know :)

**Romantic Fool**: Glad you finally got around to reading my ficcy, hope you can finish it someday (when duty doesn't call) :P And keep updating your fics, I love them!

**fairlady**: I'll tell you now that I'm a sucker for happy endings so that should give you a bit of a clue on how this story will end *winks* And yes, too bad for the curse, though I'm the only one in fandom I think who's come up with it (it's just my belief that Malfoys are insane enough to do something like that) and for the love of your sanity, I have continued! Hooray!

**Babu4490**: Thankie, I try my best not to make things too rated R and give readers just enough to let their imaginations go nuts. I hope you find this chapter worth the wait as well, keep reading and reviewing! :D

**ashlee**: Yay you finally reviewed! You must continue to do so, no excuses! I don't mind smut and you have a point, considering everything that's happened smut is no biggie, but I didn't intend this to be smutty when I first started out so yeah…but I think I'm being influenced though, because thanks to the d/hr group now I've been reading tons and tons of smutty fics (and I think the influence shows in this chap, actually…well not really, but sort of). Hope you like this!

**isidore131**: Wowness? THANKS! I'm happy you loved my story and I saw you have me on your fave authors list so THANKS A TON for that too *jumps up and down*

**Annie Rini Romanov**: I admit it, Voldie is quite OOC…I intended him not really to be human, but to be like those humorous comic-book/cartoon villains who are bad in a funny, nutty way so that explains the light and fluffiness of his character here…as for the character side of things, I tend to get carried away and forget to do that sometimes, but thanks for the suggestion and I try to do that whenever I can :D

**KitSa**** Reviews**: Yay you liked Spike's cameo! Hehehe I might just have Harry be Dudley again, I get laughing when I imagine that too. Thanks for your review, keep coming back to read and review, k?

**midnight**** solitaire**: You used to be midnight dream, right? Anyway, yes I got your e-mail and I appreciate the trouble you took to give me the review :) I kinda forgot it was Hermione's first time when I wrote that scene up, and I would want Hermione's first time to be unforgettable as well, but I'm going to save that for later when things between Draco and Hermione change…if you know what I mean…but anyhow, thanks for suggesting that to me! :D

**kit21**: honestly, I try my best to keep the characters as it is in canon as much as I can. I know what you mean when you say you want to read the story like it is…I prefer fanfics that keep characters and events realistic canon-wise as well. You made very good points in your review, including the fact that Hermione would completely rebel, and I thought about doing that but I didn't want the story to drag on and it wasn't like she intended on having sex that very night…she initially wanted to rebel, but it just happened, you know…and thanks for reminding me about her employing her sneaky methods with Draco…I try to atone for my lack of that in this new chapter, but I also wanted to point out that Draco is a bit different from her other masters in that he is her husband even if they dislike each other and she's beginning to feel something for him, so she doesn't want him hurt real bad or anything. As for the point that "there is no way in hell Malfoy and Hermione would ever get together", I'm sure that's likely to be the case in the books as JKR writes it, but here in my fanfic (and many other D/Hr fics) there is always a way ;) Anywho, I really appreciated your constructive criticism…it really got me improving this next chapter, though I don't know how you'd like it, and I'm glad you enjoy my plot twists, so I hope you keep reading it, even if the D/Hr parts disappoint you! :D

**dopey**: thanks for prematurely congratulating me! But where is your review for chappie 8?! Please review, me wanna know what you thinkie!

**joshua**: thank you, keep on reading!

**DorkyandProud**: Yay, I'm glad I got you hooked! Yes, I know I'm very late, but at least the chappie is long, yeah? :)

**Teegs****, Draco Stalker**: though I haven't a clue who Sean is, I enjoyed your dialogue-review muchly! Hehehehe I was laughing so hard! Way to go with Draco's dialogues, I could *so* imagine him saying all of that! And whoopee, we converted Frankie, did we? We deserve a pat on the back then! Thanks for your review, keep them coming!

**Muffy**: Yup, plot lines out to confuse and cause mayhem! I realize I can't help them being slightly OOC at all, but glad you don't seem to mind! Thanks!

**Stardust**: Tat!!!!!!!!! :D:D:D:D Me glad me got your reviewee! I'm so happy you like my work, even if you are a Harry/Hermione shipper…it means a lot to me :D We definitely must meet up soon, girl! Love you! *muah!*

**Carla Fox**: Hey girl! Finally you got to read my fic! I don't care how many times you review, the more the better! How did you like OotP? I'm still so happy you like my fic so much, I hope you'll continue to do so. Here's another chappie for ya! :D

**FrankieBGoode**: Woo hoo! I hear your friend Teegs and I have converted you! YAY! Another D/Hr convert is what we need! I'm thrilled that you're loving this fic and the pairing, makes me proud of what I've done! *sniffs with pride* Hope you'll like the next chap as well! Oh and you just turned 17, eh? Well I just turned 18, and I was reading NC-17 stuff before I did (bad me, bad me!), so yes, bump up your rating all you want duder!

**mesmer**: wow, I had no idea my story can be that unpredictable! But that's good, I'd love to keep readers like you hanging! So to find out…thy must read and review some more!

**Pannygirl**: Ah, the Sirius problem. Damn JKR for that! Argh. But ok, I think I mentioned it in last chap's beginning author's notes that in the previous chaps where I mentioned Sirius, I would have to replace those instances with Lupic. So in my fic, Sirius will be dead, true to OotP canon. However, I haven't been able to go back and change the names from Sirius to Lupin yet, but for readers who have gotten this far, just pretend I had meant Lupin all along, okies? So that's how I get away with the Sirius thing…hehe…

**swimcutie**: ok, I didn't take 2 months, just 1 and I hope you haven't started school already! Or if you did, I hope it doesn't stop you from coming to read this…does it? Hope not! Love to hear from you again!

**HarryPotterWanter**: Yup, they actually did! And yes they did it out of pure emotion not really logic so hehe. As for what Hermione thinks of Draco as a lover…I doubt she'll tell him too, considering she can be very reserved in such topics, and she might not tell us either…but we can guess, can't we? And Snape's the bad good guy so he'll tell the Order pretty much all he knows…or whatever he knows that the Order wants to know. So ok, I've answered your questions now go read! :D

**Velvet X**: I'm so happy you consider this one of the best DM/HG around and I'll keep Draco in character as long as I can. Glad you liked Voldie, and do review again when you're done reading!

**Little House Girl**: No, go ahead, laugh all you want, comedies are meant to get everyone laughing, your dogs included! Well I'm glad you still like my fic considering you seem to hate Malfoy (*sob*), but that's ok, as long as you like the overall fic! Um, you'll have to wait and see what I'm gonna do with Draco but I'll tell you, I, myself, am a sucker for happy endings…so…go guess what's gonna happen! 

**violentdelight**: oooh I haven't seen the 6th Buffy season, what happens? Ahh, must see! Ok, the rating upgrade was really bothering me, but thanks for your comment, it's good to know ppl will read this anyway (I get paranoid over little stuff like that hehe). This chap should hold enough D/Hr to your liking…but then again, we can never get enough of them, can we?

**KaterPotater**: I'm your new fave author? Awww! *beams!* Cool then, you love David Bowie too, though I must admit shamefully that I'm rather just a new fan (I haven't seen Labyrinthe, but I've started getting obsessed over wanting to see it, so since then, I've been liking DB more until I decided I might as well worship him!). I guess you can start a club for David Bowie and HP if you have your own website. As for the Livejournal, I'd love to give you a code, but I can only generate one as I'm an unpaid member and I already gave that one away…so I'm really sorry about that, I'm sure you'll be able to find someone soon, with a code. If I can ever get hold of another one, I'll let you know ;)

**super-sycoh**: HAHAHAAH ok, I didn't mean to trick people, really, I just had to put the note up there! And as for the Narcissa/Stan stuff…er…you might want to read on…and perhaps take some Dreamless Sleep potion if you don't want nightmares…*hint* :P:P

**Francinator**: Yo, glad to see you're reviewing again! Thank you, and I don't want to rush them either (although I felt I did in chap 8 and maybe a bit in this chap, but I really can't help it due to the plot). Review some more! 

**MoMo8828**: YAY!! As long as it doesn't stop you I'm happy! (how selfish of me!) So you're under-aged, huh? No worries, no overt R stuff, as I said :P

**pInk**** pUnk rOckEr 12**: Did you use to go by the pen name Malibu Barbie? Because that's the name I remember as a regular reviewer and that's the name you signed on in your e-mail…which I'm sure I replied but you never wrote back! :P I must say, though, that I'm touched that you checked every day for updates! I'm sorry to have kept you waiting so long, I know how frustrating it can be to check for a fic and find it still not updated! So I didn't take two months this time, just a month and a half, but that's an improvement, yes? I try to be as least graphical I can, even with the new rating, so I hope whatever I do will still be ok for you. I'm glad you're fine with the rating, I get really paranoid about that cuz I got my first fic banned because of a teeny weeny rating misconception (still pisses me off 'til this day). Unlike someone who's vacationing in France?! Wanna clue me in on that? Hmm… :P

**liar**: thank you tons for your review; you know, your reviews never cease to make me smile :D Now, this is gonna be long, since I got 2 reviews of yours to reply to. So here goes. First I want to address your earlier criticisms: 1) Good point about D/Hr being married and their supposed nightly activities…the thing is, Lucius and Narcissa probably won't care if they have sex or whatever, but they weren't expecting Hermione to bear their heir…you see, everyone figured that Voldemort only wanted a marriage so they all assumed they could get divorced later on and Draco can sprout an heir elsewhere still. I don't know if it makes much sense, but that truly was my reasoning when I was writing up the story. 2) Another good point. Here's my excuse. The scene with Harry in Vampiresburg was written before OotP so I had no idea about the Order and their constant protection of Harry. However, my reasoning at the time was that Harry was an adult now and expected to solve problems on his own…he couldn't really depend to have bodyguards all the time, now could he? So Dumbledore would send him out on little errands so he could practice being in disguise and making it through the day by himself…sort of like real-life tests, if you will. I see now that that is likely to be improbable, but let's just say they decided to do that for the sake of my story. Besides, Harry could always Apparate away now that he's an adult if trouble does come, and alert the Order. So that's how I'm going to get away with this. *grins sheepishly* 3) I guess I wasn't clear when I wrote this out, but Stan was in the carriage not because he was riding it, but because Draco bought him then deposited him in the carriage while he went off to fetch Hermione. So Stan was there simply waiting (and he did have his hands bounded) on a stationary carriage. 4) Yes, I believe you told me about Spike already, and I'm so glad you thought my little love scene was perfect…I was really nervous about that one! 5) Hehe the idea of artificial insemination made me laugh too…my own Muggle touch to the story…brings me back to my biology days *sigh*. Now for your latest review. I burst out laughing reading the beginning, thanks to your slight sarcasm. Yes, I do own a calendar but I'm always late when it comes to fanfic deadlines! You still read my LJ? Cool, you should leave comments sometime, then…I think you can do it if you sign on as Anonymous…but oh well, yes I was finished with the chap but it wasn't actually stored in my drawer, as you put it :P It was more like stuck on my hard drive, and I spent the last two weeks tweaking it and then tweaking it again after my beta sent it back. I suppose under-aged kids will read it anyway, but I honestly didn't want to change the rating because there are probably some that might not. But nevermind that. Anywho though, the last lines of your review were really encouraging :D I'm sorry to have caused you disappointment in updating only an author's note, but I hope this longass chap makes up for it. Continue on with your criticisms, I am sure this chapter is full of it, so I'll wait for those from you :P *hugs you back* Oh, and why aren't you updating your fic??

Now, I KNOW I missed out some of you, because there was this period of time when ff.net was going nutters and refused to post up and count several reviews, although they got sent to me through e-mail. However, I have no idea which e-mails they are now, so I can't respond to you, but do know that I appreciated them anyway, and if you can, please review again and tell me who you are that I've missed out. Merci beaucoup.

Also, last but not least, I must send a huge shout of thanks to **Ra**, my new beta, or more commonly known on ff.net as **Varada**, the author of the brilliant D/Hr fic _Eight Nights of Awakening and_ wonderful one-shots _My Immortal_ and _What Good is a Heart_ (this one not on ff.net but you find it at Contra Veritas), for poring through my tedious chapter and checking it. If you guys haven't checked out _ENoA_ yet, I suggest you do so right away because it is awesome and truly kicks ass! It's pretty dark, so it's a lot different from my fic, but great all the same!

Alright, so here's chapter 9 for you. I hope you guys will enjoy it and not be too disappointed with my performance *blushes nervously*. Have fun!

**

**Chapter 9: Surprising Discoveries**

The sound of birds chirping roused Hermione up from her sweet slumber. Lazily, her eyelids began to flutter open, welcoming the rays of morning light that were shining in through the oval windows of the Love Hut.

_THE LOVE HUT!_

Hermione's eyes immediately flew wide open and she bolted upright. Or rather, she attempted to bolt upright but got no farther than a slight lift off the bed when something restrained her back down. 

_What the hell?_

That was when Hermione realized she hadn't been lying on the bed after all. She had been laying on…Draco Malfoy, the vision of a blond god who had been the one lying on the bed.

At this shocking insight, Hermione's cheeks began to flush and she felt a certain girlish shyness wash over her. Looking down at her body underneath the covers, she saw that Malfoy's arms were wrapped possessively around her naked waist and that their legs were intertwined with one another. 

Needless to say, Hermione panicked. 

She began to shift around, wanting to free herself from Draco's firm hold, but only succeeded in burying her head into the crook of her husband's neck. Breathing in his musky, manly scent sent unwanted shivers down her spine and memories of the previous night unwillingly flooded itself into her mind, causing her even more embarrassment and shame. 

How could she, the sensible, logical, bright, prudish, headstrong witch that she was, have allowed the sniveling, vile, evil, abominable, and not to mention obstinately sexy Draco Malfoy to ravish her like that last night? When he advanced on her with that wild animalistic hunger for sex in his eyes, why didn't she push him away and defend herself? Sure, with the future Voldemort set for them, they would have had to do it some time or another, but they could have waited and done it in a more ceremonious fashion! Hell, she had let herself be ravaged by this beast!

How could she be so weak, so impetuous? Hello, she indirectly killed a man, castrated another, and disfigured the face of a witch! Why couldn't she do something just as horrid to Draco sodding Malfoy?

Mentally kicking herself, Hermione attempted to wriggle her way out further when Draco began to mutter something in his sleep.

"Mmmm."

This was a first. Ever since they were married, Hermione couldn't recall a time when Draco had talked in his sleep before. Hermione strained her ears to listen. If he was going to whisper Death Eater secrets in his sleep now, then she'd make sure she heard every word. 

"Mmmm," went Draco again, his lips now twitching into a small, dreamy smile. "Yeah, baby…"

_Yeah baby? Huh?_

"Mmm hmm, slap me again, you," Draco mumbled most contently, eyes remaining closed. Mind still in an altered state of consciousness, he began affectionately stroking Hermione's bare arms and purred. 

_What in hell? Is he out of his mind?_

Hermione decided that whatever he was dreaming about wouldn't be worth hearing anymore and lifted her head up a bit so that she could whisper in his ear.

"Malfoy," she said softly, hoping to wake him up.

Unfortunately, she only managed to broaden his smile. Annoyed, Hermione leaned in closer so that her breath now tickled his earlobe.

"Malfoy," she said a bit louder and sharper this time.

Draco stirred a bit, but still did not wake up. Losing patience, she was about shake him when he spoke up again.

"Mmmm yes, a feisty one, aren't you, my little Mudblood…mmm…brrr…"

Hermione froze and instantly blanched. 

Mudblood? He couldn't be talking about _her_, could he?

"MALFOY!" she yelled right in his right ear, not wanting to hear anymore of his twisted fantasies.

This worked and Draco shot straight up in bed, knocking his wife sideways ("Oof!") in the process. 

"Huh? What? Who? I didn't do it, it wasn't me!" he cried pathetically before coming to his senses.

"Calm down, Malfoy, it's just me," Hermione told him, finally glad to be released from his grasp. 

Draco turned to his right, where the source of her voice was. He looked at her disheveled state sprawled across her back and blinked. 

"You're naked," he stated bluntly, staring at her - or rather, at her uncovered breast - with a dazed look in his eyes.

"Yes and so are you," she pointed out, equally blunt, but making an effort to cover more of herself under the blanket. 

Draco shed a quick glance down his own body and wondered for awhile how it was that he got into this predicament. Slowly, last night's events began to replay itself in his head. Remembering, he looked back up at his wife and smirked.

"I guess we…did it, yes?" he asked, already knowing the answer.

Hermione merely nodded before propping herself up and hugging her knees to her chest. Her vagina was feeling a bit sore and she was certain she must have bled quite a bit last night, but she ignored all of that. For now, all that mattered to her was the fact that she had slept with and lost her virginity to her worst enemy…and the prospect that it may all lead to pregnancy.

Hermione silently reprimanded herself. _Stupid, stupid, stupid me. I'll have to get Voldemort back for this. And maybe Draco too, it's his seed anyway. Oh they'll all pay one day…_

Draco silently praised himself. _Incredible, incredible, incredible me. Who knew Hermione had it in her? The mind-boggling Mudblood. Maybe I should thank Voldemort for this. My deepest, darkest desire has been unleashed…_

The couple sat in tense, pensive silence on their four-poster for several minutes before Draco finally broke it.

"I was good, wasn't I?" 

Subsequently, the pillow Hermione had been leaning on found its way to his head. 

"Ow!"

"Seriously, Malfoy, is that all you can think about at this moment?"

"Let's see…me naked, you naked, same bed…yep, I would say that oughta be the first topic for breakfast," he haughtily told her, not too pleased with being hit with a pillow.

Hermione sighed. "I can't believe we did it, Malfoy. And for what? So that we can get pregnant and give Voldemort a baby play-toy?"

"No. So that _you_ can get pregnant and give the Dark Lord a baby play-toy."

"THIS ISN'T FUNNY, DRACO!" shouted Hermione, very much pissed off. He was completely missing the point!

"I wasn't trying to be funny, Hermione! I really _can't_ get pregnant!" insisted Draco.

Hermione, however, looked at him in awe. "You called me Hermione."

"And you called me Draco. Did we make couple of the year yet?" he replied with sarcasm.

Hermione chose to ignore his comment. "Look, haven't you wondered at all why Voldemort wants a child from us? Going through all that trouble to get us to wed, then giving us the honeymoon, and now this hut. It must be something big, whatever it is, and I don't like the fact that a child of mine is going to be a part of it."

"You talk as if you are already pregnant."

"I might be," Hermione said sadly.

"Well of course you may be. I'm very potent and no doubt my seedlings are swimming gallantly inside of you as we speak," he arrogantly drawled with an even bigger smirk.

"You are impossible, Draco Malfoy! I give up trying to have a serious conversation with you!" Hermione cried in exasperation.

"That's because you're trying to have one the morning right after we had sex! Do you really expect a wizard of my hormonal caliber to think straight then?" he retorted.

"Argh!"

But Draco couldn't deny that Hermione did have a point. Why _did_ Voldemort want the new Malfoy heir to be a half-blood? What could have made the Lord crave such a baby so much he'd go through the trouble of becoming resident matchmaker? 

That was when something clicked in his head. 

"Hey, do you think this has anything to do with a prophecy?" he asked his wife, who was still sulking on the other side of the bed.

"Prophecy? What prophecy?"

"Remember yesterday? I distinctly recall hearing Vold-er-the Dark Lord mention something about us not being the only possible couple. That according to some _prophecy_ or something like that, it could have been another couple," Draco tried to recollect.

Hermione turned to him thoughtfully. "Now that you've mentioned it, yes, I do remember the bastard saying something along those lines. What could this mean?"

"I don't know, but I'm going to find out. Once we get out of this crap hole, that is."

Hermione looked around their hut. "It _is_ kind of nice," she said before she could stop herself.

"This is nothing. The room we're going to share at the Manor is just as big and lavishly furnished. But anyway, the point is we won't get out and find any answers until you're with child. So hurry up," Draco informed her matter-of-factly before stretching his arms out to yawn.

"Excuse me? This isn't a one-person effort, you know! It goes both ways! And besides, how can you be so calm and nonchalant about it? We're bringing another life into this world! A real life! A real part of _you!_ It's a big thing! And I don't want to be pregnant, especially not for Voldemort!" 

"Don't you think I know that already? I know I'm bringing a life, I know I'm bringing an heir, and I don't want to be a father now either, least of all if the mother is you, but what choice have we got? Didn't we strain our brains so bad thinking of another possibility last night that we threw away all our good senses and opted for a wild shag?"

"Yes, but still! I'm only nineteen, I can't be having kids!" moaned Hermione.

"Well we're in the same boat, then!" declared Draco. "See here, witch, the longer it takes you to get pregnant, the longer we'll have to stay cooped up in this sex house. Despite our intimate act last night, I'd like to remind you that we go berserk whenever we are in each other's presence for too long. Simply put, if you don't get pregnant and we don't get out soon, we'll both end up with cabin fever in a matter of days."

"But-"

"Look, moping about this is pointless. He wants a child, we give him one. Then the deal's done, you're off being free, and I'm off ruling a whole continent of wizards," reasoned Draco, wanting badly to end the discussion.

"What about the child?" 

"For Merlin's sake, Hermione, can't we take things one step at a time? Can we just get pregnant, and get out of here first? We can deal with the other things later, it'll be months before they come."

Draco expected another tongue-lash from Hermione, but was surprised to find an amused expression on her face instead.

"What?" he asked her.

"_'We'?_ I thought you said you couldn't get pregnant," she told him cheekily.

Draco rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

Not wanting to hear her gloat about his misuse of pronouns, he decided it was time to shower and dress up for the day. Jumping off of the bed, an appalled look crossed his face when he was met with the mess on the floor before his eyes. Their previous day's clothes -some being ripped and torn, mind you - were draping carelessly all over the place. Shaking his head half in disbelief, he was about to tell Hermione to tidy up the place when she spoke first.

"How long do you think it takes for the door to know whether or not I'm pregnant?" Hermione asked her husband. She was still on the bed, and from her position, had a crystal clear view of Draco's physique in all its naked glory. She couldn't help but notice his fine specimen of a body and allowed her eyes to roam freely over his smooth features.

_Yum.___

_Wait…yum?! No, no, that's not what I was thinking, I was thinking 'um'. Yeah, that's it._

"I don't know. Why don't you give it a try? Just go over there and see if it opens," Draco suggested, breaking Hermione's train of thought.

His suggestion sounded reasonable enough to Hermione, who immediately got up. Wizards sure have their store of wacky pregnancy tests.

"Turn away, I'm naked," she ordered Draco, who did just the exact opposite.

"And why wouldn't I want to see that? You look beautiful nude," the words slipped out of his mouth before he could stop them. 

"What did you say?" Hermione goggled at him, completely baffled. Did he just tell her she was beautiful?

"Er…I…er…I meant…I meant that I've seen everything already so you're just foolishly wasting your breath by telling me to look away," Draco denied, averting his eyes.

The strange butterflies that had flown around in Hermione's tummy upon hearing Draco's compliment faltered and died. Why was she upset that Draco didn't want to praise her so openly? Did she really care what he thought of her?

_Nah.__ It's just the afterglow jitters. Yes, that's what it is._ _Why would you care? He deflowered you- you want him dead, remember._

"Look just go to the loo and wash up already, will you?" she muttered at him instead, pulling the blanket completely off the bed so as to wrap herself in it.

Draco sighed. So much for the hot and steamy Hermione Malfoy of last night. He wondered if he should remind her of her throaty screams last night, just to tick her off. 

_Nah_. 

There'd be plenty of time for that. Besides, if she was indeed pregnant, he didn't exactly intend on discontinuing his -er- nightly marital activities with Hermione just yet. Last night had blown him away and he didn't want any of his stupid remarks to get in the way of a possible reoccurrence. Hey, in the end, a husband's gotta do what a husband's gotta do.

So without another word, Draco sauntered into the adjoining bathroom and shut the door behind him. Stepping into the bath, he had just begun to turn the tap on the water when he heard Hermione's unmistakable bloodcurdling scream.

**  
  


"You cannot go in. The Lord is asleep."

"I am the Lord's right-hand man. I will see him when I wish."

"No." Peter Pettigrew was adamant. He wasn't going to let this power-abusing hothead of a Malfoy land him in trouble with Voldemort this time. "The Lord has given strict orders to me to fend off all visitors. He is in dire need of his beauty sleep."

Lucius Malfoy scoffed. "And so am I. But yet here I am, early in the morning, which means that I have important matters to discuss with him."

"I cannot let you go in Lucius." Although Pettigrew was a head shorter than Lucius, he held his head defiantly high and attempted to hold his ground, despite the fact that his legs were beginning to wobble.

"You fool of a rat!" hissed Lucius, glowering. "Step aside or I will curse you into oblivion!"

"Now, now, Lucius, such violence will only be tolerated outside, not inside the chamber areas," came a chilly voice.

Both men turned to see Voldemort, who was supposedly asleep in his room, standing right behind them.

"MY LORD!" the two men exclaimed, before bowing.

"I-I thought you were sleeping, sire, I only meant to keep visitors from you, like you ordered," Pettigrew began hurriedly.

"Yes, but that was before I heard you two having a little spat out here. Naturally, your booming voices awoke me most untimely and so I decided to Apparate out and see what in bloody hell is going on," Voldemort calmly explained.

At this, Lucius Malfoy stepped forward. "My Lord, my most sincere apologies. But I really need to discuss with you the matter of my son and his wife."

Voldemort sighed. "Lucius, we've been over this."

"Yes, but you see, Master, I need to know what plans you have in store for their child. So I can…plan out the future of the Malfoy line more accurately."

"You need not worry yourself, Lucius. I do not care much for the baby's life. Now don't tell Draco and his wife this, but in fact, it is very likely that by the time I'm through with it, it might very well be dead."

"DEAD?" cried both Lucius and Pettigrew. Lucius sent the plumper man a death glare, and Pettigrew resolutely shrank back and feigned interest in his holed shoes.

"Yes, Lucius. Let's put it this way. If your son and the Mudblood were to fall in love, then I would need no spawn of theirs in the first place. But because that is an impossible feat, only the blood of their child may contain both their bloods and a common love."  
  


Lucius stared at his master, evidently perplexed. "My Lord, I don't understand. You spoke with too many repetitions, Sire."

"You are not meant to, Lucius. Just leave this to me. In any case, according to your family curse, I believe that if the first son dies before its seventh day of life, its father may procreate once more and still produce a boy?"

"That is what is writ, I believe."

"Then you have nothing to worry about Lucius. Draco may still produce a brilliant Pureblood heir with the Parkinson witch just yet."

**

"Wake up, Mr. Snivels, the land of the vampires awaits us!"

Severus Snape stirred and groggily woke up. He was still in his bat form, and at present, Remus Lupin was shaking his cage in order to rouse him up from the long nap he took to kill time aboard the flying carriage ride to Transylvania.

"That's it, much better. We can Apparate to the place with the others once we get off this carriage," Lupin happily told him.

Snape snarled and bared his razor-sharp fangs at Remus.

"Aww, how endearing," sneered Lupin, before shoving the cage aside to assemble their luggage.

A few minutes later, the two foes-turned-reluctant-colleagues stepped out of their vehicle with their light luggage and with a quick crack, Remus Apparated the both of them to the shack where Harry Potter and the members of the Order guarding him were stationed.

It wasn't until they had successfully entered the sitting room of the shack that Lupin transfigured Snape back into his greasy human form.

"There, Severus, I'm sure we can-" started Remus but was unable to finish due to the pair of hands Snape had just wrapped around his neck.

"Now you pay!" growled Snape furiously. 

The two struggled pointlessly for a couple of heated moments before Mrs. Weasley burst into the sitting room with a broomstick and pointedly smacked the two quarrelers on their heads.

"OW!" they both cried, letting go of each other to rub their heads.

"That serves you right! Bickering like 5-year olds, how pathetic of you! And what took you so long, anyway? We've been here at our edges while the only thing you sorry fools can do is fight!" Molly Weasley ranted.

Both Remus and Snape opened their mouths to respond, but were cut off by the sound of the others approaching.

"Remus!" cried Harry Potter excitedly upon seeing his father's only surviving best mate. "You're back!"

"Yes, Harry, and look who I brought," Remus said as he stepped forward to embrace his pseudo-nephew and gestured towards the sour-faced Snape standing beside him.

"Professor Snape!" hollered all the former Hogwarts students in the room. On the far side, Neville Longbottom cowered back fearfully at the sight of his former Potions Master and began slightly trembling. Luna Lovegood, who was standing beside him, shot him a look of pity before resuming her earlier task of staring off into space.

"Yes, so it seems I've arrived at the Weasley-run zoo," Snape jeered.

Before anyone could say anything else, Ron Weasley immediately approached his former Potions Master and asked him rather roughly, "Where is Hermione?"

"Now, now, Ron, be patient. Let our traveling friends sit and get settled first," Mrs. Weasley suggested, clearing up some space on the ragged and torn couch in the room for Remus and Snape.

Ron, however, ignored her and repeated his question to Snape.

"I haven't seen her since she left for her _honeymoon_ with her _husband_," Snape informed the young redhead with narrowed eyes, purposely rubbing it in his freckled face. Even now after everything, he found that his animosity for Potter and his gang of Gryffindor losers did not waver.

"But you must have some idea of her whereabouts!" pressed Ron further.

"I suppose they should be back at the Manor by now. They were due to return yesterday, if I'm not mistaken," Snape allowed himself to answer.

"And what of her marriage?" Harry piped in. "I know she is married to Malfoy because I ran into her while she was here in Vampiresburg."

"Oh did you, Potter? Well all I can say is that the marriage was forced. From what I could gather, Voldemort has been in consultation with a Seer and together, they are devising some plan for absolute rule of the wizarding world- as usual. Apparently, a union between Draco and Miss Granger was a vital part of that plan," Snape explained to his audience tiredly.

"A Seer! I never thought Voldemort would stoop so low! I should've known!" grumbled Mad-Eye Moody, as his mad-eye glared dangerously at Snape.

"Wait, we were talking about Hermione here. Is she safe, though? Did they hurt her?" Ron inquired again.

"No, Voldemort wants her as healthy and far from harm as possible. Though I must say that is a hard task to accomplish, what with her and the young Malfoy always at each other's throats," Snape mused. "Though their wedding kiss was ever so lovely, and if I didn't know better I'd never guess the two weren't in love," Snape added, grinning in pleasure at the blaze of anger that erupted in Ron's eyes.

"Well, now that we know this, we can safely say that Voldemort is up to something big. If we must stop him, the time is now," spoke up Tonks, who was standing by herself in the corner with curly green hair.

"But what of Dumbledore? We can't very well jump into things without his permission or knowledge, at least," reasoned Mr. Weasley.

"Then we must inform him at once!" urged Harry. "Dumbledore will agree with us, I know he will. This is the perfect opportunity. We can go in and rescue Hermione from Malfoy Manor and take down the Malfoys with us in the process!"

"The elimination of the Malfoys will not cripple the Dark Lord in anyway, Harry," Kingsley Shacklebolt said. "He is much too powerful now."

"Yes, but remember that for some reason, Draco and Hermione are a part of this. If we could get to them first, then we stand a bloody good chance of thwarting Voldemort's plan for good," Harry persuaded. "We all know that's what I do best," Harry added as an afterthought.

"Oh, perhaps you'd all like to know that it'll be more than just Hermione Granger you'll be saving when you invade the Manor," Snape interjected.

"What do you mean?" Harry asked him.

"Well, believe it or not, there are two other residents of the Manor that would love to be rescued. Mr. Finnigan and Miss Weasley, to be exact."

"SEAMUS AND GINNY!" roared everyone in the shack.

"Oh dear heavens! My baby girl! Is she alright? She's alive! Thank heavens, oh the stars have been so fortunate upon us, Arthur!" exclaimed Mrs. Weasley, immediately fanning herself with her hands and looking about to faint with tears of happiness glistening in her eyes.

"My Ginny! Severus, what has become of her? We all thought she was - I mean we had no hope that she would-" Mr. Weasley tried to speak but broke off, his face too full of emotion.

"She is faring well, Arthur, though I regret to say that she is working for the Malfoys as Lady Narcissa's personal slave. It was Lucius's way of spiting you, I'm afraid," Snape replied. "Mr. Finnigan is there as their butler. Both are treated fairly well, much better than I was during my stay."

"Thank god," breathed Harry, who was overcome with emotion himself at the thought of Ginny, who he harbored strong feelings for.

"Well now we have more reason to invade the Manor! It's more than just one rebel we'll be saving! We've got my sister and my good friend there as well!" Ron asserted.

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves here," intervened Mr. Weasley, sounding worried. "We can't just return to England and barge into Malfoy Manor. Think of all the spells, curses, hexes, and jinxes they've got around the place. We are fugitives, remember that."

"I can use my guise as Severin Snape, so I'm not to worry. Perhaps the rest of you can filter in through the sewers and such," recommended Remus.

"Well if we're going to go back, the rest of us are going to need disguises," said Fred Weasley with a sly grin.

"And this, I believe, is where we come in," added his twin brother George.

"Right then. The time for action has come," began Mad-Eye Moody. Promptly, he turned to the Weasley twins. "You two lads set about devising us all the nifty kits and tricks you've got up your sleeves, and make sure they're ready by the end of this week," Mad-Eye told them dutifully. "Molly," he continued, "I think it's time you start packing up all of our necessary belongings and stocks of food. Mundungus, go into town and see if you can overhear anything from any smugglers on the best unknown routes into Britain. Arthur, I reckon its best for you to inform Dumbledore at once that we're about to make a move. Tell him…er…what is it we're supposed to tell him again? That Muggle lingo?"

"Luke Skywalker is leaving the building," Harry responded monotonously. 

"Right. That. Anyway, the rest of you remain with me here, we've got days of arduous rescue planning to strategize," Mad-Eye finished.

"Hold up. This all sounds great, but don't you think we're being a bit too hasty, Mad-Eye? Whatever happened to your 'constant vigilance' regime? We've got to be very careful, we can't be rash, or we're doomed and all hope for the Light will be lost," Kingsley warned.

"Shacklebolt, you as well as everyone else here knows I'm the most paranoid git around these parts. But I smell an opportunity when it comes and if anything, this is it," Moody defended.

"Right then, let's all get to our duties," ascertained Harry quickly, who wanted more than anything to get back into action and rescue his friends. "We've got friends and family to save, not to mention some Malfoy arses to kick."

**

Draco Malfoy hastily wrapped a towel around his waist and bolted from the bathroom as fast as he could. 

"Hermione what-" he started worriedly as he barged out of the bathroom, but froze as he took a look at his wife.

Hermione was standing completely nude in front of the vanity mirror with a look of utter horror plastered on her face. The blanket that she had so obstinately wrapped herself under just moments ago was discarded and lay forgotten by her feet. 

Draco silently cursed Hermione as his member began to throb _again_. How the Mudblood could do this to him every time was beyond his Pureblood comprehension. 

"LOOK AT ME!" Hermione howled madly, shifting her gaze from the mirror to Draco then back to the mirror again, unaware of the throbbing in Draco's private. 

Draco stood a bit confused but definitely excited by the view before him. "Hermione, I don't see what's wrong, what-"

"WHAT'S WRONG? WHAT'S WRONG? Everything's wrong! Can't you see? LOOK AT ME! Look what you've done to me! This is all your bloody fault!" she raged, on the verge of tears.

Draco walked closer to Hermione to get a better look at what was wrong, but Hermione held up her hand to stop him.

"Don't you _dare_ come any closer you-you-you lustful ANIMAL! I'm going to have your HEAD for this, you mark my words!" she screamed at him, shaking.

And that's when he realized what it was that was bothering Hermione so much. Sweeping another glance at Hermione, he knew for sure now what the problem was. 

Hermione's body was covered in lovebites. 

Hickeys of various shapes and sizes adorned Hermione's chest, stomach, back, and legs.

_Mmm__. Yum_.

"You indecent, testosterone-driven jerk!" Hermione continued, glaring at him with disgust. "And look at this, I've even got one on my TOE!"

Draco was torn. He didn't know whether to burst out laughing at her silly outrage or choke her for scaring and worrying him to death by her initial scream of terror.

After a silent moment, Draco chose the former, and dissolved into a fit of chortles.

"This isn't funny, Draco Malfoy! You're going to pay sorely for this! If I ever get hold of a wand, I'm going to rip your body to shreds, starting with your troublesome shaft!" Hermione screeched with a stamp of her foot.

"Look here, woman," he began, trying to compose himself. "You had no qualms about me doing anything to you last night. In fact, I distinctly remember you screaming for more of this and more of that. And you definitely weren't drunk, so don't pretend you don't remember any of it."

"I don't!" insisted Hermione. "I might not have been drunk with alcohol, but I was positively drunk with hormones! Otherwise, I'd kill you before I'd let you even touch me like this!"

Draco sighed, exasperated. "Hermione, you are really trying my patience with you. You scream like you've just seen the Grim and damn well gave me a heart attack for a bunch of well-deserved lovebites. It is obvious that you are overreacting."

"I am not! Any woman in her right mind would feel compromised and intruded with all of these hideous marks on her!" protested Hermione. "Well-deserved, indeed!"

" 'Hideous marks'?" cried Draco, offended. How dare she call his mouth's gifts to her hideous!

"Yes!"

"Those are _my_ markings on you, witch, so you be careful of what you say! There is nothing wrong with a woman having sodding lovebites from her husband! It only goes to show that you belong to me and I'll make sure to give you some more next time!"

"NO! You can't do that! This is different! You know I'm only your wife for reproductive purposes! I shouldn't have to have these at all! Now everyone will see them and think I'm some-some sex-crazed whore! And there definitely will NOT be a next time!"

"Yes, but-" Draco halted as a thought occurred to him. Something was amiss. If the Dark Lord just wanted a child from them, there was no point in going through all that trouble to get him and Hermione married. Voldemort wouldn't have had to have any wedding or any honeymoon for them at all. A simple order to fornicate would have done the trick.

So why the marriage? 

_Perhaps it's not really the child he wants…but it doesn't make any bloody sense…_

"Draco?"

Hermione's slightly-concerned voice roused him from his thoughts. 

"Yes?"

"You were saying something?"  
  


"Oh yes…erm…er…nevermind. Look, it's pointless to fuss about the bites. They'll be gone in a couple of days, and no one would see them when you're fully clothed in robes," Draco replied. Though in all honesty, he really didn't want them to be gone. His chauvinistic side rather enjoyed seeing those dark-reddish blotches courtesy of his mouth all over her. If only Potty and Weasel could see what he did to their dear Hermione now…ha…

"Right, in these you mean?" Hermione then flung open the wardrobe door behind her to reveal it packed with a dazzling assortment of skimpy thongs and lacy lingerie.

Draco's jaw fell open.

"And you're not off the hook, either." Hermione then proceeded to open the wardrobe that contained Draco's clothing to show its contents, which turned out to be black and skin-fitting leather robes and briefs.

"Leather knickers?!" cried Draco in disbelief. "I'm not wearing those! What about our regular clothes?"

"The house-elves didn't seem to bring them last night. But what does it matter, I thought tight leather was your dirty secret?" Hermione goaded.

_No, _you_ in tight leather are my dirty secret. Slurp._

The thought made Draco unconsciously lick his lips. "Yeah, well they're not," he chose to answer instead.

"Oh, whatever. But anyway, now you see why I am highly vexed! Voldemort's planned everything so carefully, even our attire!"

"I wonder who helped him pick out the nifty ones," Draco thought aloud. He prayed it wasn't his mother.

"Oh who cares. This is so awful," lamented Hermione.

Draco looked around the room. "Well, we could just wear our old robes from yesterday."

"Yes, because they're all dirty from a day of traveling and not to mention ripped from our…er…_activity_ last night," Hermione pointed out grumpily.

"I could fix the rips with a swish and flick."

"Yes but…oh god, you're right. I guess I was just-just overreacting a bit. I forgot you have a wand," Hermione finally decided with downcast eyes, hugging her bare shoulders.

"Yes, you forget that so often, even after last night," Draco said, smirking again.

"Don't even get started on that."

The two stood in an awkward silence for awhile.

"Have you checked yet whether or not you're pregnant?" asked Draco finally, after some minutes.

"No, I suppose I'll do that now." Completely forgetting the fact that she was naked, Hermione strolled determinedly towards the door of the hut and stood before it. With some trepidation, she reached out and turned the knob.

Nothing happened.

She waited.

Her heart began to race with anticipation.

_Please, please, please open up. I need to get out. Wait, no, no, I'm not ready to be pregnant yet, don't open. No, I don't want to have sex with Malfoy again either, please open again. On the other hand, I still don't want to be a mother…_

For what seemed like an eternity (actual time: five minutes), the door still didn't budge.

Hermione decided now she might as well get pregnant and get it over with. She'd hide her child from Voldemort later, when the time came. For now, she just wanted to get out and get away from Draco, and possibly begin plotting his demise.

But the door remained stubbornly fixed in her face.

Closed.

Shut in.

She wasn't pregnant after all.

_No!_

Now tears were really threatening to form in Hermione's eyes.

All of that madness last night for nothing!

"Draco…" Hermione mumbled, disheartened. Sensing her troubles but not really wanting to deal with another bout of her emotions, he cautiously approached her with the blanket she had previously wrapped herself with and carefully draped it around her back, hoping it would offer her some comfort.

However, at the same time, Hermione's stance shifted backwards, and she found herself enveloped in Draco's arms. All of a sudden, a certain warmth washed over her, and despite her sadness and frustration, she found it soothing to be held by him. For the moment, at least.

It took Draco a moment longer to take in the fact that he was holding Hermione and that neither of them had a problem with it. Not knowing why, he tightened his hold on her, and drew her closer to him almost possessively.

_Damn, this feels good_, thought Draco, as Hermione unconsciously buried her head into his chest. 

Who would've known that just seconds ago, this quiet, beautiful being in his arms had had a complete cow and was hell-bent on ripping his shaft to shreds for giving her hickeys?

Draco sighed contently. Slowly, he lowered his face so that his chin landed on top of her head and found himself breathing in the scent of her hair. Despite it being unwashed for the day, he thought it smelled lovely, lingering of damp sweat from the toils of the night before.

"Hermione…" Draco whispered into her tangled brown mane, a smile tugging at his lips when he heard her seemingly sigh in response. 

Once again, all coherent thought started to desert him and his mind became blank of logic and full of desire. However, the impulse to brutally ravish her like the previous night was gone, replaced instead with a simple yearning to fuse their bodies together tenderly.

_What's happening to me? What is she doing - correction, what has she done to me? I've never ever felt like this before. I can't be losing my mad sex drive now, can I? Oh no…dear god no…_

"Hermione," Draco repeated, his voice now husky and a bit more urgent.

Hermione stayed motionless in his hold and said nothing. But because he was holding her so close, he could feel her breathing intensify and her heart pounding more rapidly. He knew for certain then that the same thought was crossing their minds.

By now, everything about Hermione being an unworthy Mudblood and enemy to his side vanished. At this moment, she was his wife and lover and that was all that mattered.

"Hermione…I want you."

Hermione again did nothing to show that she had heard his bold confession at all.

"I promise not to give too many marks this time, Hermione," Draco cooed sweetly.

It worked. Draco felt a hand yank at his waist, and the towel around his abdomen promptly fell to the floor.

**

"He has to _what?!_"

"Now, now, pumpkin, there was nothing he could do-"

"I don't believe it! _I _am to be the next Lady Malfoy and the mother of Draco's heir! Not _her!_"

"I know Pansy dear, but-"

"Okay, I could stand the marriage farce. Hell, I could even stand the honeymoon gibberish. But not this! How could the Lord make him fornicate with filth like that? Just for a child! It's ridiculous!"

"Now, Pansy you would be careful of what you say. You don't want the Lord to hear that, do you?"

"I don't care! Draco was and always will be mine, the Lord should know that! ARGH!"

Lucius Malfoy watched with a half bemused expression as Pansy Parkinson paced angrily back and forth in her parlor. Currently, Lucius was paying the Parkinsons a visit at their family estate on the outskirts of Nottinghamshire. After having informed the Parkinson family of Draco's situation, it was all Pansy's parents could do to calm her down.

"Pansy, I wouldn't be here today if all hope is lost, you know," Lucius spoke up, halting Pansy in her steps.

"I've still got hope?" she asked, almost unbelievably.

"Yes. If the child the Mudblood bears dies within the first seven days, Draco may still produce a viable heir with another woman. It is the family Curse's contingency plan, you see," explained Lucius.

Pansy's face lit up immediately. "Really? Good heavens! But what of the Mudblood then?"

"She will no longer be of our concern. The Lord will free her, of course, but we would be rid of her at least."

"That's brilliant! But…to imagine that I can get Draco only after _she_ contaminates him. ARGH! I loathe even the thought of touching anything she's slimed up all over!" agonized Pansy.

"So I suppose you would pass up the title of being my son's future bride, then?" Lucius asked with a raised eyebrow.

Pansy blinked at him. "Well of course not! I'll have Draco no matter what the cost. Lucius, you know I love him!"

_Yes, unfortunately_, thought Lucius, but he knew better than to say so. Pansy wasn't exactly the best catch for his son physically (_It's just the nose_, Lucius always reminded himself), but she was a Slytherin and a Parkinson and no one could argue with such a lethal combination.

"I'm glad then. It seems our agreement can still continue, Lucius?" inquired Pansy's father.

"Certainly. But I best be off now, I did promise Narcissa I'd come home early today," Lucius said, and the Parkinsons went to send him off at the door.

"Oh, but can I come visit?" Pansy asked Lucius in a high, whiny tone. "I really miss Draco and I want to see him!"

"You want to see him now?"

Pansy batted her eyelashes sweetly and nodded.

"I don't think so, my dear."

Pansy pouted, and Lucius took note that her pug-like nose stuck out further when she did this. He tried in vain to shove the image out of his mind.

"Pretty please? He misses me too, I know it, and you can't disappoint him after all he's been through!"

Lucius gave the young woman a weak smile. "I'm afraid he's stuck inside the Love Hut, as I told you."  
  


"Yes, but I can still see through the windows or something, can't I? Oh please, Lucius, I have to see him, I haven't seen him in weeks! Please?" she begged incessantly.

Lucius sighed. "Oh alright. I suppose it would do Draco some good to finally look at a decent witch for once."

"Ahhhh!" squealed Pansy victoriously and she eagerly sent a house-elf to fetch her cloak. 

_Let's see how the Mudblood fares under my wrath_, Pansy thought, eyes glowing demonically.

**

Two hours later, Draco and Hermione lay curled up against one another right in front of the door. It was the afterglow (again), and despite being on the hard floor, they found themselves unexpectedly comfortable. Feeling cozy, the pair snuggled up against one another under Hermione's blanket.

Draco had to admit that the morning's turn of events was rather unanticipated and as much as he would love to say that things transpired awfully, the truth was that they didn't. He actually enjoyed having spontaneous sex with Hermione like that. When he pushed thoughts of her Muggle heritage aside, he found her to be sweet, beautiful, and even adorable when they engaged in their intimate act. Her sense of curiosity and thirst for knowledge marveled him just as they did back in their Hogwarts days, and her lingering innocence struck him as endearing. Her daring, wit, and malicious capabilities (he thought back to poor Blaise's severed member) awed him. Secretly, he was enthralled with her ability to be demure one minute and ever so vicious the next. Sure he hated her for all of that years ago, and was insanely jealous of her intelligence, but she was also always a challenge to him, and now he felt as though he had truly won. In addition, underneath those loose robes Hermione always donned lay one hell of a piece of ass. In any case, he was perfectly content to be lying there with her, and refused to toy around with the confused thoughts and feelings that were badgering him at the moment. 

"That was…good," Draco spoke up after awhile. He snaked an arm underneath his wife and drew her body closer to his, while stroking her hair with his other hand. 

Hermione didn't say anything, but hid her face shyly in Draco's shoulder.

Draco looked at her and chuckled. "You're cute when you do that, you know?"

Hermione was about to respond to his comment when - BAM! - the door to the hut unexpectedly flung open and a strong gush of wind breezed in.

Both Draco and Hermione gasped. Without further ado, they scrambled up and approached the door.

"Oh my god…" they said at the same time.

They paused for a few breathtaking moments, letting the bomb sink in.

Then…

"WE DID IT!! WE DID IT! WOO HOO! I'M POTENT! YOU'RE PREGNANT!" hollered Draco loudly, before picking Hermione up and twirling her around in his arms. 

"WE'RE FREE! OUTTA HERE AT LAST! WHEE!" Draco continued chanting as he bathed in the happiness of having his term of house-arrest come to a speedy end.

Hermione too, was thrilled that she didn't have to sleep with the enemy anymore, and concentrated on this fact as opposed to the more serious one of motherhood (and how she would get her revenge). 

The married couple continued their little freedom dance for a few instances longer before their need to escape from the Love Hut overwhelmed them.

"Come on, let's go!" pushed Draco, grabbing his towel and tying it around his waste loosely, before throwing Hermione the blanket. "Quickly, just put it on so we can go!"

Obviously Hermione couldn't wear the blanket, but she didn't have time to grab anything else as Draco pulled her arm excitedly and before she knew it, they were storming across the garden that was the distance between the hut and the Manor.

"Draco, please, slow down!" Hermione's plea fell on deaf ears. Draco was feeling far too exuberant right now to care whether or not they were appropriately dressed.

Hermione had no choice then but to hastily cover the blanket over her body as she and Draco barged through the Manor's front doors. Laughing like wild lovers, they crashed dumbly into the door and stumbled in, nearly toppling over one another.

Unfortunately, they were unaware that pressed up on the other side of the front doors were two individuals. As Hermione and Draco flung the door in from the outside, the two other figures were thrown roughly backwards.

Draco and Hermione's mirth died when they saw what happened.

"Mother?"

Narcissa Malfoy was sprawled flat on her back on the foyer floor, clad in skintight black leather attire, outlining her fabulous, middle-aged curves. Her usually prim and proper hair was mussed and dirty. An ominous-looking whip lay near her hand. To top that off, on top of her lay a shirtless Stan Shunpike.

"Mother!"

Narcissa smiled sheepishly at her son.

"Draco! Er…how do you do?"

Draco couldn't believe what he was witnessing. 

"Shunpike, get off of my Mother this instant!"

Terrified, Stan was about to readily comply, when two cracking sounds were heard and Lucius Malfoy and Pansy Parkinson Apparated before them. They both gawked at the sight before them.

"Narcissa?" Lucius managed to utter in amazement.

"Lucius!"

"Mrs. Malfoy?"

"Pansy! Do call me Narcissa, how many times must I tell you!"

Lucius looked from his sexily-dressed fallen wife and the partially-clothed stable boy looming over her to his towel-clad son and blanket-covered daughter-in-law.

"You two got out of there already?" Lucius addressed his son, flabbergasted.

"Yes, we're pregnant," replied Draco, still dazedly gawping at his mother.

Pansy's eyes widened angrily at this news and she threw Hermione her dirtiest look.

"He means _I'm_ pregnant," Hermione clarified coolly, glaring back at Pansy.

"I _know_ what he means," Pansy replied, eyes shooting daggers at Hermione.

"Congratulations!" cheered Stan merrily from the floor, still on top of Narcissa.

Lucius's gaze shifted back to Stan. "Before I explode and slash your throat, could you kindly get off my wife?"

"Certainly," replied Stan who hoisted himself up at once. Both Pansy's and Hermione's eyes unconsciously swept up and down Stan's naked torso and the two nodded at Stan appreciatively.

Fuming at this display, Draco temperedly stepped in front of Hermione to shield her vision from Stan, before sending Stan a heated look himself.

Silence dawned on the foyer. Everyone was at a loss for-

_CRACK!_

"Ah, how are my favorite people doing?" came a new, yet most familiar voice. Amid the chaos, Voldemort had just Apparated in to join the party.

"My Lord!" acknowledged Lucius, Pansy, Draco, and Narcissa in unison.

Voldemort glanced around the place questioningly. "Did I interrupt something?" The Dark Lord cast another glimpse at everyone. "I didn't know you were throwing a costume party. Well, that's ten years off all of your lives for not inviting me."

"But we're not wearing costumes, sir," Pansy put in, gesturing towards herself and Lucius. 

Voldemort looked at her heavily made-up face. "You could've fooled me. I believe you bear an uncanny resemblance to what the Japanese call a Geisha."

Pansy stood there puzzled at Voldemort's statement while behind Draco, Hermione tried (though not very hard) to stifle a snicker.

"Anyway, if there's no costuming going about, why is everyone gathered here looking so dumbstruck and strangely clothed?" Voldemort inquired.

"They're pregnant," Stan offered, pointing towards Draco and Hermione. 

"Well of course they are. That's why I'm here. The spell I cast over the Love Hut was also set to notify me when they were," Voldemort told everyone.

"He means _I'm_ pregnant," Hermione said again, feeling the unexplainable need to purposely rub it in Pansy's face.

"I _know_ what he means," Pansy replied again, eyes narrowed into slits.

"Well then, now that the facts are straight, would someone like to help poor Narcissa up? I would ask her how she ended up on the floor, but frankly, I've lost interest," Voldemort stated.

Lucius bent over wordlessly and helped his wife to her feet.

"Right. Seems you all have some clearing up to do. I suppose I should come back and chat with Draco and Hermione later then," Voldemort concluded, before looking at Hermione. "Don't forget to tell the baby Grandaddy Voldie says hi!" 

Hermione wanted to puke in disgust but returned Voldemort's gaze pointedly. "It's not a baby yet, it's just been conceived, so it is still a fertilized cell that is about to undergo its first stage of mitosis; therefore, it would be illogical for me to-"

_Crack!_ Voldemort Disapparated out of there before Hermione could finish her sentence.

"Well then, I guess I better go up and change," began Narcissa, stepping backwards slowly towards the staircase for a getaway.

"Not so fast. Why were you and Shunpike on the floor?" interrogated Lucius.

"Oh Lucius, darling, we were merely out riding and I had just gotten so tired, I mean those Winged-Horses can get so feisty and well Stan here was just accompanying me back, you know to send me of - such a gentleman - oh Draco you made the right choice when you bought him! But anyway, we had just entered the door when it sprang open, thanks to our son and his wife here who burst in half naked," Narcissa recounted in one breath.

Lucius looked suspiciously at Narcissa before sending Draco and Hermione weary looks. 

"I thought you were sick of riding. For years now, we've kept the Winged-Horses merely for show," he said to his wife.

Narcissa, however, looked at him unfazed. "Yes, but I've decided to rekindle my old hobby. Is that a crime in this household?"

Lucius refused to answer her, but instead glanced at everyone again. "Shameful, all of you," he spat out at his family, all of whom refused to meet his gaze.

"See, Father, Hermione and I were just excited that-" 

Draco was cut off, however, by an interruption from Pansy.

"What is _that_?" she asked accusingly, pointing at a visible blemish on Hermione's left arm. Scrutinizing her appearance, everyone soon became aware of a few other such marks on her body where the blanket failed to conceal.

It was plain now what they were, and Hermione's embarrassed face proved it.

As a result, Pansy fumed even more, Narcissa let out a loud gasp of disbelief, Stan winked, and Lucius smirked at his son, nodding approvingly. Even with a Mudblood, at least Draco was living up to the family standards.

At seeing his father's reaction, Draco smirked back proudly in return, but wiped it off the instant he saw Hermione's dangerous scowl.

"Well then. I suppose you two better go upstairs and wash yourselves up. Pansy will be joining us for lunch," Lucius informed the newlyweds. They didn't argue, and swiftly glided accordingly towards the staircase.

"Shunpike, return to the stables. I do not wish to see your face again until next year," he proceeded to order Stan, who dashed out of there in no time.

"As for you my dearest wife, I would like a private talk with you in my Study _now_," Lucius commanded austerely with a glare at Stan. 

Narcissa nodded briskly and followed Lucius to his Study obediently.

"Oh Draco, you must be tired, why don't you let me help you wash up and get dressed? Just like we used to do before," proposed Pansy after the elder Malfoys disappeared, right when Draco and Hermione were about to ascend the stairs.

Hermione, who stood directly behind Draco, whisked around to face Pansy, eyes flashing. 

_The nerve of that woman!_

"That is a charming idea, but it would be more appropriate if _I_ helped Draco clean up, don't you think, Draco honey? I mean, I _am_ his rightful wife and about to be the mother of his only son," she enlightened Pansy through gritted teeth. She might not love Draco, but she wasn't going to see him scamper off with other women either. He was her husband, after all, and no matter the circumstances, he had to fulfill his role to some extent while their marriage lasted.

Draco raised his eyebrows with intrigue at her suggestion and use of affectionate terms, but remained quiet.

Pansy couldn't help but snicker. 

_Little does the bitch know…muahahahahaha…_

"That's what _you_ think, Mudblood. Keep on thinking that, wench," Pansy spat out derisively before pushing past Hermione and seizing Draco's arm.

"C'mon dear, I know how sick you must be of her. Let's not waste any time, shall we? I've missed you so much!" declared Pansy, before planting a juicy kiss right on Draco's unsuspecting lips.

"I-er-missed you too, Pansy," stammered Draco uneasily after breaking the sudden kiss. He wasn't sure why, but he didn't exactly want Hermione to see him smooching other women like this. 

_But she does look jealous, doesn't she? Good. Now she knows how I felt when I caught her sipping coffee with that good for nothing vampire bloke. Not that I was jealous in any way, of course, but it still was very undutiful of her._

Hermione didn't want to let Pansy win, but weariness of her surroundings took over, and she decided that she couldn't care less what the former couple wanted to do together. She was going to be a mother for god's sake. At nineteen. And Voldemort wanted her baby for some dark purpose. She had bigger problems to deal with than her unwanted husband's infidelity. And not that she cared anyway if he slept with ten thousand other hags or whores. Or Pansy. It's not like she and Draco cared for each other. Screw his husbandly duties. They were and always will be enemies. She was going to plot his downfall anyway.

So why was giving up this silly competition with Pansy bothering her so much? Why did she feel her heart sink slightly at hearing his words?

Most importantly, why were tears starting to accumulate in her eyes?

_How ridiculous! _

"Fine. You two go ahead then. Have a jolly reunion," Hermione wished Pansy and Draco coldly, before wading in between them and heading for her old room in the Manor, leaving Draco slightly confounded and agape. 

Up in her room, Hermione slammed the door hard, before sliding down against it into a sorrowful heap on the floor. Alone, practically naked, and confused, the whirlwind of realities from losing her virginity to resisting Voldemort to being a mother sank in. This was worse than any nightmare she ever had.

Slowly, she buried her head in her hands and sobbed until her reservoir of tears dried up.

**

Weeks passed on, and Hermione had been giving Draco the cold shoulder ever since Pansy's visit. She barely talked to anyone except Seamus and Ginny, and whenever he did make an effort to address her, she only returned him icy, single-word replies. Draco chalked it up to Hermione coping with the nagging truth that she was pregnant as well as being a part of Voldemort's sordid scheme that had yet to fully unravel itself.

Months ago, Draco could've cared less. However, they had been married for nearly two months now with a child on the way, and Draco couldn't deny that he did have some feelings for his wife. No matter how trivial or fleeting they may be. And because of that, he didn't want her to stay mad at him forever. 

Especially not if he wanted to – ahem - _do the deed_ with her again.

In the end, Draco swallowed his pride and went to the only place he knew had answers to his marital problems.

His mother.

So one sunny Sunday morning, he approached his mother in their parlor and asked if there was anything he could do to get back on speaking terms with Hermione again. Normally Draco wouldn't have taken this course of action, being that his mother despised Mudbloods and wasn't particularly fond of Hermione, but Narcissa herself had been acting strangely ever since she found out she'd be having a grandson soon. For the past few weeks, she'd been showering Hermione with little presents and baby books. She'd also forbid Hermione to do anything strenuous and assigned Red to accompany her daughter-in-law whenever she left the Manor to the outside grounds. Of course, this pissed Hermione off a great deal, but Narcissa seemed blind to it. Either she was getting used to having a Mudblood for a daughter-in-law or she was too thrilled at the thought of being a grandmother in her forties she forgot about heritages. 

Draco suspected the latter.

"Hmm, did you say something Draco dear?" Narcissa was curled up comfortably on a sofa with her head buried in a thick book. A rather odd thing for her to be doing, but Draco shrugged it off.

"Mother, I was wondering if you knew what I could do to…er…ease off this tension between Hermione and me. I mean, she's barricaded herself in the Library again this morning. She's been doing that every weekend just to avoid me," Draco explained.

"Mm hmm…" was Narcissa's response.

"Mother! I have a serious problem here! My wife isn't speaking to me!"

"That's right…oh, how would Achilles sound? Achilles Malfoy. A strong, masculine name, don't you think?"

"MOTHER!" Draco bellowed in pure irritation. She wasn't paying any attention to him at all! "I have a crisis here and all you can do is throw names at me!"

Narcissa's manner became stern as she looked up at her son. "Do not shout at me, Draco. I might've tolerated it when you were little but you are a married man now, and a father-to-be. I expect you to act like a mature wizard."

Draco clenched his teeth. His mother was making everything difficult. "I apologize, Mother."

"Good. And anyway, I'm not just throwing out names at you. I'm picking out names for your son. Haven't you seen? This is the latest edition of _A Wizard's Namesake_!" she informed him, lifting the heavy book in her hands to show him. 

"Mother, the baby isn't due until eight or so months from now. There's plenty of time for this."

"Nonsense! We can never be too early. Hold on, did you say Hermione barricaded herself in the Library again? Is that even healthy? The poor dear should be out enjoying the fresh air! I certainly wasn't reading books while I was pregnant with you! Perhaps I should check on her," fretted Narcissa.

_Poor dear?_

"Mother, please can you help me out first? I'm desperate here!"

Narcissa sighed. "Very well. Perhaps you can do her a favor? I don't know…do something she likes? Breakfast in bed?"

"No, that won't do. She won't sleep in our new room and has forbidden me to enter hers. I could, of course, barge in if I really wanted to but I'm sick of quarreling with her over that."

Narcissa looked pensive. "Then what about a foot massage? Or better yet, a tongue massage?"

Draco shook his head. "I don't think she responds well to my romantic antics, kinky or otherwise. I tried to give her a simple kiss yesterday and she pounded me like I was a troll. And then she bit me." Draco stuck out his arm and rolled up his sleeve, revealing nasty teeth imprints.

Narcissa cringed. "Well then why don't you bring home a gift for her? Jewelry, velvet robes, hair care products, something like that. Women enjoy gifts, especially if they're trendy and expensive," advised the aristocratic witch.

"Not Hermione. She's modest and she'd rather have something mundane like books than jewelry…"

And then it hit him. Books!

_Well, no shit!_

"I've got it! Thank you Mother, you are brilliant!" After bending down to give his mother a quick peck on the cheek, Draco practically flew up the stairs to the family library.

"Hermione, open up!" commanded Draco once he reached the closed doors.

"I'm busy," came the curt reply.

"No you're not. Besides I have to talk to you. It's really important."

Draco grinned to himself when he heard her stomping footsteps near the door.

"What is it?" Hermione asked sharply after flinging open the door.

Draco kept his face casual and pretended as though whatever he was going to say was of the most tedious of things. "I've come to ask you which new books you'd like to read," he drawled.

Hermione stared. "I beg your pardon?"

Draco heaved a heavy, pretentious sigh. "Have you gone deaf? I said I wanted to know which new books you'd like to read. You know, ones that aren't in the Library yet. I'm going to Diagon Alley, you see, and Mother suggested I fetch you something. Not that you haven't got all you could possibly dream of right here already, you know, with my wealth and all, but I can _never_ refuse Mother," he lied condescendingly.

However, if he was expecting her to merely give him a list of titles, boy was he sorely mistaken.

"No one can ever pick out my books for me. I'm very picky. Besides, I don't know which new books are out, other than _A Wizard's Namesake_," Hermione stated. At the moment, wheels were spinning in her head, and she mentally congratulated Draco for bringing about such a golden opportunity.

"The latest published works are advertised in the Daily Prophet," Draco pointed out.

"Oh well, not all of the books I like are advertised. Some are really obscure, but a good read nonetheless."

Draco was beginning to think getting her books was a bad idea. Jewelry would've been much easier.

"Well, trust my judgment, you won't be disappointed," he said.

Hermione faked a thoughtful look. "Hmm…nope. I trust my own judgment best. But since your Mother _desperately_ wants to buy me books, I suppose I can't refuse her either. So take me with you and I'll pick out my own books at Flourish and Blotts."

"WHAT?!"

Hermione smiled sweetly. "You heard me, _hubby dearest_."

"Definitely not! You're not allowed to leave this place! There are wards all over the grounds to keep you in!"

Why is it that every plan he came up with concerning Hermione (and in the past, Potter and Weasley) always backfired like this?

"Well take them down, then. Look, Flourish and Blotts is only one stop, and I've missed the place terribly. We'd be back in two hours, max."

"But Father-"

"Oh, be a _man_, Draco! Who's my husband, you or him?" 

Draco reeked with anger at her statement.

"Don't you _ever_ speak to me like that again-"

"Look here, if we get back before Lucius does, you're home free and no one would ever know," Hermione interrupted him.

"But Mother-"

"Oh leave her to me. She's been getting quite fond of me lately, I'm sure I can convince her to let me go. Besides, she _was_ the one who wanted me to have some new books, was she not?"

Draco's heart pulsed with rage. He couldn't back down on his own words now. Agreeing to her risky endeavor was the only option left for him to save face.

"Fine. Five minutes, front door. The carriage will be waiting. Any longer and I'll leave you," he gruffly told her.

"Brilliant. Let me get my cloak." Hermione practically danced her way to her room.

Ha! Men - nay, _husbands_ were so easy to manipulate. Even Draco Malfoy.

**

Hermione found out a bit later that she wasn't entirely accurate. 

Draco Malfoy wasn't that easy to manipulate after all.

The minute she entered the carriage, the conniving arsehole cast a temporary Binding Spell on her, that wouldn't allow her to be apart from him for more than three feet. 

Bollocks.

Okay, so her escape plan went down the toilet, but at least she was leaving the Manor for once. Any change of scenery-Diagon Alley in particular- was welcome to her. Not to mention they'd really get to stop by Flourish and Blotts! Who knows what luck she could run into.

The magic carriage ride took a little over three minutes. It was more like Apparition, really, and less messy than Floo powder. 

Hopping off and looking at her surroundings, Hermione noted somberly Diagon Alley had been very much altered since the last time she'd been there.

The gleaming sunlight that had enchanted the place and entranced her so as a child disappeared in about half of the whole place. Those unfortunate corners looked like extensions of Knockturn Alley. The streets there were dark, filthy, and just plain scary.

However, Draco led her to the other half which hadn't been contaminated so much by the wrath of the Dark Arts. Hermione assumed it was because the upper-class still liked places to be immaculate and classy. Luckily, shops like Flourish and Blotts and Madame Malkins were in these bright parts.

"There, we've arrived. Hurry up and take your pick, you're wasting my time," he rudely said to her.

"You know, you could be a little nicer to me," Hermione told him, unimpressed by his manner.

Draco's eyes bulged. Nicer? NICER?!

_Hell, I'm doing all of this for you! And you're the one who's been giving me the silent treatment! Nicer my Pureblood arse!_

"Demanding bitch," he muttered under his breath.

"What did you say?"

"Nothing, you're hearing things. Get a move on already, woman," Draco grumbled.

Hermione accordingly entered, letting his words slip by this time, with Draco following close behind. Again the familiar scent of books new and old refreshed her senses. The Malfoy Library, while comforting, still smelt too Malfoy for her taste. But this place…well, it made her feel closer to home.

Holding back nostalgic tears, she began to browse the cramped aisles, enthusiastically checking out the new publications, though frowning at the realization that many of them were Dark Arts-related. Nevertheless, Hermione was able to find quite a bit of reading she liked and began piling up her picks in her thin arms.

"Oh, give it here." The books in Hermione's arms were piled so high they reached her chin, and Draco didn't want to be publicly criticized for being an un-gentlemanlike husband.

Hermione gladly handed over her pile and began picking out more books. Soon, Draco was lugging around a tower of books and he was not pleased.

"If you want any more then leave a list here. I'll have them delivered to the Manor. I can't very well carry around all of this back home," Draco readily told Hermione when the tower was starting to reach _his_ chin.

"Aw, the shame," remarked Hermione sadly, five more books in her hands.

About twenty or so minutes later, Draco finally dragged Hermione out of the bookstore, carrying a heavy bundle of books. He was exhausted. He made a mental note never to go shopping with Hermione ever again.

But Hermione was far from finished.

"I want to take a look around. It's been so long, and I've really missed this place. Please, can't we stay a bit more? I just want to see all the old shops," Hermione pleaded with her husband. She even allowed herself to double-blink at him in the hope that he'd feel sorry for her.

Draco groaned and although he wanted direly to refuse her, he found that he couldn't. 

"Oh alright. But half-an-hour is all I'm giving you."

_Oh, the things I do for my wife…_

Hermione smiled brightly at him, and Draco felt his heart skip a beat. If only she'd smile like that to him more…

The thought left him soon enough and he managed to magically shrink his load so that the bundle of books fit neatly inside the pockets of his cloak. Hermione then began promenading around, stopping at familiar shops and peering at newer ones. Everything was different now that Voldemort was in power, but at least life was going on.

Fifteen minutes later, Hermione found herself outside the Magical Menagerie, the pet store which housed magical creatures. Beautiful owls of white, brown, and gray hooted happily in their cages while young wizards and children pressed their faces against the window pane to giggle at the array of strange creatures in view. Hermione allowed her eyes to sweep through the window.

And then she saw him. 

She'd know that mass of ginger fur anywhere.

"CROOKSHANKS!!!!" she shrieked, startling everyone in hearing distance.

Hermione dashed inside the shop, and because of the Binding Spell, Draco was yanked along with her.

"Slow down, woman, slow down!" he yelled, but to no avail. There was no stopping a determined Hermione.

Inside, the store clerk took note of Hermione's eagerness and stepped up to present her assistance.

"What may I do for you, Ma'am?" 

Hermione frenetically pointed at the rusty cage on the far end which held her former cat.

"Him! Him! He's my cat! Crookshanks!"

"Alrighty," the clerk said and promptly went to fetch the cat.

Upon hearing his old mistress's cry, Crookshanks immediately looked up and purred excitedly at Hermione, who was now brimming with tears of joy. She had lost Crookshanks after being captured at the end of the war, and had assumed him either dead or off living somewhere by himself. She simply could not contain her happiness at this most fortunate accident. 

Crookshanks was by far the closest thing she had to a family right now.

Unless of course you counted Draco, her prat of a husband. Well he wouldn't be for long, if she could help it. 

The witch-clerk serenely dropped Crookshanks into Hermione's outstretched arms. Hermione cried out with glee before hugging Crookshanks tightly.

"I've missed you so much, my goody boy! Did you miss mummy? You did, didn't you, you gorgeous thing! Muah muah muah!" she fondly cuddled her pet before covering his messy head with fluffy kisses.

Draco rolled his eyes at her pathetic show of affection. "Just spiffy, now let's go."

"Sure thing. That'll be one-hundred galleons, Ma'am," the clerk notified the couple.

Hermione brushed it off. "Oh no, you don't understand. You see, he's my cat, I bought him from this shop myself back in my third year at Hogwarts and I lost him at the end of the war."

"Oh yes, I do understand, and it's all very touching. That'll still be a hundred galleons, please," the clerk replied, disinterestedly.

"WHAT? I'm not buying my own cat! He already belongs to me!"  
  


"Not when you lost him, Ma'am. Hundred-galleons please, or the cat stays."

"No! I will not buy him twice! I shouldn't have to! This is wrong! I never gave him to you to sell, I merely lost him, but now I've found him so he is still technically mine!" Hermione insisted, glowering.

"Nice line of reasoning, but it doesn't work that way. He's been ours ever since the war, so you'll have to pay for him," the clerk countered impatiently.

"That is hogwash! I can prove my rightful ownership because the cat recognizes me. You know, I could accuse you of stealing him to sell! And besides, a hundred galleons is ludicrous. I bought him for no more than fifteen!" 

"Post-war inflation, Ma'am. Now just one hundred galleons and old Crooky's yours."

"No!"

"Fine, then. The cat stays," and without warning the clerk snatched Crookshanks out of Hermione's arms.

Crookshanks did not like this and meowed venomously in the clerk's grasp, gnawing her arm ferociously, whereby the clerk pulled out her wand and Stunned him senseless.

"NOO!!! You can't cast spells on my cat like that!" screeched Hermione. With that, she charged at the clerk, intent on retrieving her cat.

"Get off and get out of my story you crazy woman!" the clerk screamed as Hermione grabbed a fistful of her graying hair.

Draco, who the whole time was busy observing a drunken owl burp and do a limbo dance, raised his head up as he felt the imaginary bind yank at him again. He whipped around just in time to see his wife attack the clerk.

"Stop! Hermione, stop!" he demanded, rushing over to pull Hermione off of the clerk.

"No! She's taken my cat!" protested Hermione vehemently, feet kicking the air as Draco hoisted her away.

"Calm down! You're embarrassing me! This is NOT how a Malfoy acts in public!" Draco hissed lowly so that only Hermione could hear, face burning with humiliation.

"Yeah, you take your insane wife away this instant or I'll make sure to sue you lot for tearing my head apart!" threatened the angry clerk, reclaiming the locks of hair that Hermione had managed to pluck out.

Unfortunately, that was the wrong thing to say to Draco Malfoy.

Incensed, Draco dropped Hermione at once and walked up to the witch addressing him so that their faces stood inches apart. 

"_You will not speak of my wife in such a way_," he said quietly in a dangerous tone. "You will apologize to her and you will return her the cat."

"I will do no such thing."  
  


Draco's eyes glistened with malice. "Do you know who I am?"

"What does it matter who you are?"

"I am Draco Malfoy."

At hearing that, the color drained from the clerk's face.

"M-M-Malfoy? As in Lucius Malfoy's son? The Dark Lord's right-hand-man-in-waiting?" she questioned shakily.

"The one and only."

Now the clerk's eyes darted around worriedly, sweat forming on her forehead. "Oh! Mr. Malfoy, my sincere apologies! I had no idea-"

"Save it! Another word from you and I'll have your corpse on my doorstep and your store _Incendioed_ to ashes, you lowly hag!" thundered Draco.

The clerk nodded speedily before grabbing Crookshanks and returning him to Hermione.

"Now, apologize to Mistress Malfoy, my wife."

The clerk nodded again and stuttered a quick apology.

"Good. Let's go now, Hermione," Draco stated with a note of finality, and the couple exited the store with Crookshanks in tow.

Once outside, Hermione regarded Draco with shock and…was it admiration? No, no, the slimy Ferret had gotten away with it by using his family name. Then? Oh yes, appreciation, that was it.

"Draco…thank you," she managed to say softly, meeting his eyes.

"Just doing my job as a husband," he responded nonchalantly, though actually raking with joy at Hermione's sincere words of gratitude.

"Yes, well, god knows you don't really care for that job, so I'm thanking you anyway."

"Whatever." He wasn't about to let on to Hermione yet just exactly how much he was beginning to care about that job. "Look, it's getting late, let's go get something to eat and then head home."

After what he'd done for her, she couldn't disagree. "Sure."

The pair then started off for the Leaky Cauldron. A few minutes later, they arrived, but just as Hermione reached for the door, it burst open and a tall, ragged figure in a stinking hooded cloak hurried out, ramming right into her and knocking her and Crookshanks painfully to the ground.

"Hermione!" Draco cried fearfully. Was she hurt? He shuddered to think of that and in a flash was down beside her to help scoop her up, ignoring Crookshanks completely, who huffed in disapproval by Hermione's feet.

The ragged figure also tumbled down as a result of the collision, and was struggling to get up himself. The man seemed to find this task incredibly difficult. In the process, his hood fell off, revealing an aging wizard with long, dirtied gray hair and beard with traces of burnt red in them, in addition to numerous wrinkles, warts, and blotches of freckles.

"You stupid moron! Foolish old man! You knocked into my wife! Can't you see she's pregnant?" ranted Draco, temper boiling. 

The haggard old man truthfully couldn't see that the witch he knocked down was pregnant because her stomach looked as flat as hell, but knew better than to say that.

"I-I'm sorry, Ma'am," he sputtered meekly.

"Oh, it's alright. It's only been a month, Draco, my stomach's not showing yet. The poor man couldn't have known," Hermione said sympathetically, dusting her robe as she stood.

However, the aging wizard's ear perked up immediately at hearing the name 'Draco' and froze. 

It was plain now who he had just run into.

Hermione, being the compassionate citizen that she was, saw no need to terrify a poor old man and bent down to help him up, much to her husband's dismay.

"Here, mister, do take my hand," she offered.

The elder wizard graciously took it, and as their palms touched, a most familiar sense of warmth coursed through Hermione.

"Thank you," the man rasped, before giving Hermione's hand a distinct squeeze.

Surprised, Hermione looked into the man's face and their eyes inevitably locked.

_Oh my god._

Hermione gasped softly, breath catching in her throat. If this wizard was haggard and gray, it definitely was a ruse and had to involve a massive consumption of Ageing Potion.

Because Hermione recognized his eyes at once. There was only one man in the world whose orbs had the blue hue that Hermione knew and loved so well.

For there, in that most awkward and unforeseen of moments, Hermione Granger Malfoy was gaping right into the unmistakable eyes of one Ronald Weasley.

**

**A/N:** Whew! Finally! Gosh, that was THE most difficult chapter to write, I swear! You have NO idea how many times I rewrote it and tweaked it! It's also the longest, as I mentioned before, but not my best, I'm afraid, due to the heavy OOC-ness (mainly on Draco's part…but he's starting to fall, so what did you expect?). I wanted to keep to the old light and comedic tone but I realized that what Hermione had to be going through was pretty angsty and so I'm sorry if this chap isn't as funny as you wanted it to be. Things will get crazier in future chapters. I'm also sorry if you guys found some parts to be too unrealistic or unbelievable-I tried really hard to make it perfect, but alas, I am only human, and there are tons of other fics out there with much more unrealistic events in them than this one.

I know how you guys must be sick of reading my longass author's notes all the time so I'm gonna keep this one brief and end off by saying that I will try to write and upload the next chap as soon as I can, but I won't give a deadline because we all know I have trouble meeting them :P Keep checking my Livejournal if you want news of updates or the progress of the next chap.

Oh, and of course, don't forget to **review**! They help me so much and make me so happy, so please, it takes so little of your time! (Plus you can tell me what plot holes you discover in this chap if you find any when you **review** as well.)

**Teasers: **

What in hell is Ron doing in Diagon Alley? We find out. 

Hermione confronts Draco on his seeming change of character and he makes a startling confession. Also, they do some investigation, with near-disastrous consequences.

Lastly, Harry and Ron get involved in a scandalous deal with…oh, well you'll see.

Hugs and kisses to you all! *MUAH* ;)

~smashing sugar~


	11. Spy Hard Part 1

**A/N:** Hi everyone! Sorry for falling off the face of the planet yet again, but I've been really time-inefficient and occupied with RL. Completely my fault. However, I regret to say that I must disappoint you guys further because this update is NOT a full chapter. It is only the beginning of Chapter 10 (therefore the title of the chap will not make sense to you at this point). I guess it could stand as a chap on its own, but such short chaps without much plot have never been my style. Anyway, I'm doing this because I'm going to be in France, England, and Scotland for the next two weeks (from the 10th-24th) and I'd feel absolutely rotten if I left you guys hanging for that whole time with nothing (too bad PoA filming finished in Scotland, or else guess who I'd be stalking then :P). Anywho, not too much happens here and some parts are rather idiotic (as usual), but there's a D/Hr moment of sorts waiting for you, so I hope it'll appease your mighty appetites for awhile. Also, my **personal messages** to those who **reviewed** last time will be posted up in the next update, along with message to those who will **review** this time (hopefully all of you will **review** again). 

Once more, I apologize for the brevity of this chap, but hope you'll all enjoy it nonetheless. Also, I would like to excuse myself in advance for any insufferable lameness you may encounter…we all have our sad writing days. Enjoy!

**

**Chapter 10:** **Spy Hard (Part 1)**

Draco Malfoy regarded with suspicion the exchange of gazes between his wife and the old stranger. 

"Hermione?" he asked uncertainly. Something was definitely afoot here. Did she know this man?

Before Hermione could answer, however, an even older-looking witch decked in patched brown robes with long, flowing white hair and a ragged witch's hat rushed out of the Leaky Cauldron and promptly banged the ageing wizard on the head with her wooden cane.

"You foolish, sorry prat! You think I wouldn't catch you _flirting_ with other witches, you _pig_? Don't you know you're too _old_ for that kind of hanky panky, you disgusting animal?"

Everyone within hearing distance gaped at this witch in bewilderment, but she seemed unfazed by the attention and hit the wizard with her cane again, this time on his bum. 

"Ow!" he yelped jumping up, before rubbing his spanked arse repeatedly.

"Don't 'ow' me! Can't you see she's young enough to be your great-granddaughter, you sex fiend _wannabe_? And in front of her boyfriend – or is it husband?—at that! Why you despicable - _smack!_ - foul - _smack!_ - impotent - _smack!_ - playboy!"

At the last chain of insults, Draco couldn't hold it in any longer and erupted into howls of laughter, despite his initial fury at realizing that this old sod had ulterior motives for crashing into his wife. Hermione seemed too dumbstruck to move and the old wizard himself looked beyond horrified. The crowd of onlookers that had congregated around them started sniggering as well, and watched eagerly for the reactions of the remaining three of the quartet now in the Diagon Alley spotlight.

The mysterious hag wasted no more time and turned to Hermione. "I'm so sorry, dear. As you must've heard, my husband's recently lost his virility and since his shocking discovery, has been sidling up to a whole assortment of ladies in a fruitless attempt to prove that his manhood is still in full swing."

"WHAT?!" the previously stunned-silent elder wizard now cried. "Excuse me, you old _crone!_ I am NOT imp-" 

Another swish of the cane cut him off as it made contact with his belly with a distinct _thud_.

Hermione was rendered speechless by this most unexpected turn of events. She was so confused. She had been so sure moments ago that the haggard wizard before her was her very own ex-boyfriend Ronald Weasley, but now...

_Hold on...ex-boyfriend? But Ron and I never actually broke up, how can I call him that? Though, I'm married to someone else now...but so what? I love Ron, don't I? Then why did I refer to him as...oh gods…_

"Well, now that all's cleared up, I'm sure you two young'uns would rather run along now, won't you? I am truly sorry for my husband's actions. I'll deal with him later. Can never keep his hands to himself, that pervert," the old lady continued, looking apologetically at Hermione, and ignoring the murderous glare her aged husband was shooting at her.

"Yes, we'd much prefer to be off. I was wondering when this ridiculous episode would end. My pregnant wife needs her nourishment now and we Malfoys don't have time for this rubbish," Draco replied haughtily, then shot a warning glare to the old wizard. "I'd better not catch you trying to grope my wife again, old man, or you'll find your head very much decapitated."

"Oh, certainly good sir, if he ever touches your darling wife again, you have my permission to do with him as you wish. Bless you children now, and long live the Dark Lord!" the old lady bid them.

Satisfied, Draco whirled around, grabbed his wife by the arm, picked up her hideous cat with his other hand, and before she could protest, Apparated all of them away.

Upon their exit, the gathering crowd lost interest and began to disperse, as all crowds eventually do. 

No longer the center of attention, the elderly couple waded their way silently into a dark, empty alley. Away from any prying ears and eyes, the man finally rounded on his wife.

"_Tonks_, you-you-you mad COW! What in bloody hell is wrong with you? What the fuck was that all about? What d'you reckon you were doing?!" he hissed angrily at her, his voice low but no longer raspy.

"That was me saving you from blowing your cover, you wanker!" she hissed back, hands on her hips.

"But that was Hermione! HER-MY-OH-NEE! The one person we came here to save!" Ron argued, ears going pink from rage.

"I know it was! Do I look stupid to you?" retorted Tonks.

Ron stopped his ranting and looked thoughtfully at Tonks, rubbing his long beard. 

_Well, she definitely looked better in her mid-twenties form than her hundred year-old one, especially since now she's got those wrinkles and popping warts and –_

"That was purely rhetorical, Weasley!" Tonks said in exasperation and poked Ron with her cane, drawing him out of his thoughts. "Pay attention! I was trying to help you back there!"

"Well then what did you make up all that mumbo jumbo about us being married and me being impotent for? Just because you're my assigned partner doesn't mean you have the right to tear me away from my long-lost girlfriend, you know!"

"Ron Weasley, Hermione is no longer your girlfriend! She's Mrs. Draco Malfoy, the wife of Voldemort's right-hand-man-in-waiting, and from what we've just heard, the mother of his unborn child -- his future heir! Get that through your thick skull!"

That hit Ron hard.

"Right, she-she's pregnant…oh Merlin…that means they-they've done-done_ it_…NO! I'M GOING TO GET THAT SLIMY BASTARD!" Ron announced with a shout, temporarily forgetting his current circumstance.

In consequence, Tonks's cane struck him repeatedly again from head to arse.

"Ow! Ow! Mother of Merlin, OW! Get that thing away from me! I'm not a masochist you know, you cane-happy sadist!" Ron wailed.

"Then be quiet, you buffoon! It's bad enough I'm clumsy; at the rate you're going, we'll end up in Voldemort's torture chambers before we even step out of this alley!"

Sense finally entered Ron and he sobered up.

"We must focus if we want to save her, Ron. I'm sure she recognized you, but I had to dispel her hunch or else that husband of hers will know," Tonks continued reasoning.

"But couldn't we have…I mean…she was in our grasp! We could've done something!"

"Ronald Weasley, if you're not going to use any of that logic I _hope_ is in your head, I'm going to make sure you never leave the sewers again!"

Ron nodded dumbly and did not make anymore effort to speak as he dwelled on the sad reality of the situation. He was so angry and upset at the same time that he didn't trust himself to say anything. He hadn't yet mastered the art of controlling his temper and if he let his rage flow any more, he'd surely expose himself and Tonks within minutes. 

Seeing her younger friend in such a state, Tonks reached out and patted his back sympathetically. "Now's the time to do our part. Remember, we're on a reconnaissance mission here, and we've both still got our disguises. We still have an hour before we're to meet Remus back at Hogsmeade. It won't be long until we can attack Malfoy Manor, I promise."

Ron sighed and looked away. Oh he will succeed his mission, alright. And he'll rescue Hermione as well. Then he'd personally shove a stick up Malfoy's anus and roast him to a fine grill over a fire for daring to impregnate the love of his life and threatening to decapitate him.

** 

Back at the Manor, Hermione found herself ushered by her husband into their bedroom (which she had evaded from sharing ever since the tryst that conceived their child). 

"Wait! What about lunch? Why did you bring me back so soon? I thought we were going to eat at the Leaky Cauldron!"

Draco shook his head at her. "Not anymore. You're going to rest now and I'll have Red bring up your meal. You've been out walking for hours and knocked down to the ground by an impotent old git. That can't be good for the baby." 

He then strutted out to bark orders for Ginny to bring up some food for Hermione. 

When he returned, he found Hermione not reclining on the bed like he expected, but instead trying to leave through the bathroom door which connected this room to hers. 

"Not so fast, you're not going anywhere," he commanded and speedily pulled her back.

Hermione sent him a withering look. "Malfoy, I am four weeks pregnant. Four weeks! I'm not even halfway through my first trimester! The baby that you speak of is nothing more than a clump of dividing cells at this point!" 

To be honest, she was slightly dumbfounded by Draco's sudden seemingly caring attitude but tried not to show it. 

"No matter, I'm not taking any chances with my heir. From now on, there'll be no more excursions for you. The Manor grounds will have to suffice if you need your exercise. We have more than enough facilities as it is."

"But-"

"No 'buts'! Look, woman, you could've been injured badly today if I wasn't there! I can't have that, you hear? You're too important now."

Hermione's eyes darkened. "How could I forget?" she muttered sarcastically, inwardly fuming with fresh anger. Folding her arms, she moved away from Draco to the back of the room by the bed, and turned her back to him. "One day, you're all going to regret what you did to me," she threatened with her head raised.

Draco raised a curious eyebrow and crept up behind her. To her shock, he wrapped his arms tightly around her waist so that her back was pressed firmly against his chest and bent his head down so that his breath tickled her unsuspecting earlobe. 

"One day, _you're_ going to regret being so impertinent while you had the prestige of being my wife," he whispered, a little too huskily for her comfort.

"Prestige? What freak world are you in, Malfoy? I don't see any reason to regret being impertinent, nor do I find being your wife any more prestigious than taking out the trash," she countered harshly, wriggling to break free from his firm hold. 

Draco was deeply affronted by her response and twirled her around in his arms to face him. "How could you even say that, you ungrateful wench? Firstly, you are the wife of a _Malfoy_, the most influential wizard family in all of Europe, and if you hadn't been, do you think we would've been able to get you your silly cat today? And secondly, how many Mudbloods do you think will ever have the fortune to lie nightly in bed beside a blond sex god as affluent and powerful as myself?" 

Hermione's eyes widened at Draco's immodest description of himself. What arrogance! Needing to bring him down a peg or two, she burst out guffawing. 

"Sex god my arse, you ferret! I've had better!" she lied, pushing him away.

"What? You were a virgin until I had you!" Draco pointed out, not amused. 

Hermione ceased her incessant guffaw. "Er…oh, erm, that's right, heh I forgot," she admitted sheepishly, much to her own chagrin.

Draco smirked annoyingly at her blunder. "Of course, perhaps you need a little reminder of what I can…_do_," he said suggestively, edging once more towards her.

Hermione gulped and backed away. There was something about the way Draco was eyeing her now that made her slightly panic.

"I…what are you implying?" she asked nervously.

"You _know_ what, _honey_," Draco answered, eyes glistening with newfound desire.

Hermione's heart began to race as she saw the want in her husband's grey orbs. Memories of the last time she saw him with that look of animalistic hunger flashed unwillingly inside her mind and she could feel beads of sweat forming on her forehead. 

"No, I haven't a clue, I'm hungry and tired and oh, I think the baby's kicking!" she rambled desperately.

Draco only chuckled. "My, my, you're definitely the worst liar I've ever met. But I already knew that." He pressed himself closer until he successfully trapped her against the wall with his body and outstretched arms.

Normally, Hermione wouldn't have allowed herself to so easily fall into such a dangerous and disadvantageous position, but she had thought her marital activities with Draco were long since over. She had no idea that he planned on continuing any of it, so she was completely unprepared for this. Realistically, why would he want to? He'd done his job for Voldemort; there wasn't any obligation left to carry on anymore _deeds_. Besides, she was a Mudblood – _the_ Mudblood, even – and he hated her all his life and still did…didn't he?

"Remember what I did to Zabini, Draco. I won't hesitate to get my revenge on you if you dare do anything to me of that sort," she blustered as a last resort.

"I doubt you'll do that or anything remotely close to it to the father of your son, my feisty bitch," he declared, leaning his face in nearer to hers and licking his lips with obvious delight. He was unquestionably enjoying the nervousness and uncertainty he saw in her usually assured eyes, and it made his heart throb as though it had been drunk with adrenaline. 

"You underestimate me, Malfoy."

But Draco had stopped listening and with a manly growl, swooped down to claim her lips. However, Hermione was faster and ducked just in time, causing Draco's lips to land on the wall behind her instead. 

"Oomph!" 

In his moment of disorientation, Hermione crouched even lower and intended to make her escape by squeezing through the open space between his legs. Unfortunately, she only managed to get her head through before the door burst open and Ginny Weasley strolled in unawares with a tray of food.

"Hermione, Malfoy told me to bring up your lu—" the younger girl began, but froze soon enough at the sight of Hermione's bushy brown head poking out from underneath Draco's round buttocks. 

Instinctively, she threw up her arms and shrieked for dear life.

The tray of food crashed to the floor in a loud _bang_.

Hermione quickly pushed herself forward through Draco's legs and launched towards Ginny. "No, Ginny, it's not what you think!" she started, but it was too late.

The poor redhead had already collapsed on the floor in a dead faint.

**

**A/N:** Pretty short and stupid wasn't it? I'm sorry if the characters were a tad bit OOC and if there were any mistakes; I did it a bit hastily and it was not beta-read, but I'm sure you all can survive with that until I return. I promise a full chap with more plot (and twists of it) when I come back. As always, please **review** and send in any criticisms you might have…they do help!

Peace and love to you all,

~smashing sugar~


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